Searching for Beautiful (Searching For 3)

Gen let herself go, crying and shaking as they moved her to the couch. Kate held her tight, Arilyn patted her knee and whispered soothing words, and Kennedy crashed around the kitchen, cursing like a banshee.

"Asshole prickface! Putting on some type of wimpy show for the reporters to look good! I knew something was up, Gen. I never trusted him. Anyone with teeth that white is trouble." The bang of a kettle and the rushing of water echoed in the air. "Jumping out the church window was the best damn move you've ever made."

Gen dragged in a tearful breath. "But I left him at the altar. He loved me, and I'm so messed up, I panicked and now everybody hates me and I don't know what's going to happen next."

Kate gripped her shoulders. Her voice was strong and calmed the rising panic. "Yes, you do. You just didn't want to face it. It's time to look at the truth, honey. You didn't want to marry David. I think you wanted to leave for a long time."

"You've changed over the past six months," Arilyn said. "We all saw it but didn't know what to do. You avoided your friends, you looked stressed all the time, and you lost your joy."

Kennedy slammed down a mug on the counter. "Bastard asshat. I had a feeling he was working you behind the scenes. Every time we had plans, you'd call with an excuse regarding David. You started to disappear. And you were so jumpy, I'm so pissed I didn't talk to you sooner. I should've known he was an abuser."

The past year drifted before her, and the inner voice she kept tamped down rose to a shrill scream. Yes. Remember how he'd tell you what to wear. How to act. How to please him. Remember the cold look in his eye when he was displeased? The temper just barely kept under control if something didn't go his way?

"He never hit me." Her voice came out weak. Gen realized it was her last defense. At night, when she thought of leaving, when she thought of how her life was so entangled with his, and her fear of him grew, she'd tell herself that. As if it was a prize. He never hit her. Wasn't that a good thing? Didn't that prove that she was crazy to believe he was slowly taking over her soul, piece by piece, until there was nothing left but a shell of who she used to be?

Arilyn smiled. Her strawberry-red hair glowed around her face, giving her the look of an angel. "Of course he didn't. That would have given you a reason to leave. Rarely do abusers start with the physical. It's a slow build of control, a subtle shift of power as they isolate you from your support system, until there's no one left."

The truth slammed through her. A gasp wrenched her lips. My God, how many times had she wished he would just hit her? Arilyn was right. She would've left without a glance back. Clean. Instead, he cloaked manipulation with love until she didn't know what was real anymore.

Kennedy brought her the mug of tea. She clasped her fingers around the heat and took a sip of the scalding liquid. Blessed warmth coated her belly. "Did he make you nervous? Make you question your decisions? Check your phone and messages and all communications? If you did something wrong, did he have ways to punish you?"

Kennedy knelt on the floor in front of her, gazing up at her with knowing amber eyes. Again, the flashbacks hit her like stinging pebbles. The time she'd burned dinner when his friend was over. He'd laughed and chided her gently at the time, but when they were alone, he refused to speak to her for two nights. She never screwed up cooking again.

The time she refused him sex. His complete disappointment and subtle jibes about her selfishness, the flirting with other women at the hospital while he warned her not to push him into another's arms by denying his needs. She always said yes to sex after that.

"Yes. He did. All of it. I don't know who I am anymore without him."

Kate squeezed her shoulder. "You. But a different you. We're never the same after a relationship, or a tragedy. We're not supposed to be. You'll figure it out on your own terms."

Disgust curdled her blood. Her entire life she'd been independent and strong. At least she thought so. "I never knew I could be this weak," she whispered. "I used to read these novels with some dumbass women who kept being abused by the hero and it was supposed to be okay because they had good sex. How did I get here? Why couldn't I just have said no, or leave before I made everything into a disaster? Am I that needy?"

Kennedy snorted. "Hell, no. Listen, most of the books I read are romance, and they mostly show women saving the men's dumb asses and sell more copies. We're not perfect, sweetie. We do the best we can. You were strong enough to run before you got married. Strong enough to listen to your gut. Now you just have to move forward."

The words reached deep and clicked into place. Yes. They were right. Punishing herself for mistakes wouldn't make them go away. But she'd have to retake charge of her life and figure out what she wanted. The real Genevieve. Not David's creation.

"I love you guys." She sniffed. "Seriously."

"We love you, too," Kate said, pulling her in for another hug. "I was so worried. I threatened Wolfe if he didn't take care of you, I'd kick his ass."

Gen gave a half laugh and wiped her eyes. "No, he saved me. Gave me the time I need to realize how different I was away from David. We came back after we saw the headlines in the paper. Have reporters been bothering you?"

Kate waved the question off. "We took care of them. Most of them are trying to find you in Nashville."

"Huh?"

"Kate led them on a false trail. Alexa backed us up. Said you had a dream to be a country star and you had texted us you were on the road toward Tennessee. They're probably still waiting for you to show up."

A laugh escaped her lips. "Thanks. It'll buy me more time."

"Where'd you and Wolfe stay?" Arilyn asked.

"Sawyer has a cabin in Saratoga. It was good. I forgot what it felt like to have fun without worrying I'd do something wrong. He took me to the racetrack. I won a lot of money."

Kennedy gave her a high five. "Nice. I think Wolfe's missed you."

"Yeah, David gave me a hard time about our friendship. I realized I began avoiding him, so we talked a lot this weekend."

Kennedy and Kate shared a look. "Just talked?" Ken asked.

The memory of their kiss seared into her brain. The heat of his mouth, the softness of his lips, the decadence of his tongue. "Of course. I just ran away from my wedding. I'm not the type to jump into bed with my best friend. There's nothing like that between us."

"So you've said for a long time," Kate commented.

"Because it's the truth."

Arilyn tapped her finger against her lips. "Hmm."

"Guys! There is nothing going on with Wolfe and me. Never has. Never will. Got it?"

The door opened. "I got breakfast, sweetheart. Time to get up. Oh. Shit."

He stared at the group of females for a moment. Then shrugged and dropped the bags on the table. "Hello, ladies. Kate, I'm surprised you waited till morning. Figure you'd be guarding the door when we got here last night."

Kate crossed her arms and glared. "You turned off your phone. I'm pissed you didn't give me full disclosure."

Wolfe grinned and began unpacking. The scent of eggs and bacon drifted through the room. "You're scary when you're being protective. I took good care of her. Right, Gen?"

When she woke in the middle of the night, her head rested on his chest and his thigh lay heavily over hers. His breathing and heartbeat soothed her. The delicious scent of washed cotton and male skin surrounded her. She knew she should untangle herself but he felt so good, so solid, she went right back to sleep.

"Right."

"You just come over now, Wolfe?" Kate asked.

Uh-oh. "Umm, he--"

"Nah, we slept together last night."

Crap.

Arilyn cocked her head. "Hmmm."

Kennedy grinned. "About time. You know what I say about getting over a guy?"

Wolfe rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I heard, get under another. You share that theory with Nate?"

Kennedy flushed. "I plan on being under Nate for a damn long time."

"Still no wedding date yet?"

Her friend gave a long-suffering sigh. "Soon. Why mess with perfection? Now, stay out of my love life or I won't let him play with you on the golf course again."

Wolfe laughed. "Trust me, Ken, you're the one whipped in this relationship."

"Screw you."

Gen burst out laughing. God, she'd missed this. Missed them. The back-and-forth banter, insults, and love shining underneath. How had she made it this long without her friends?

Arilyn, always the peacemaker, spoke up. "What can we do to help? Are you talking to David today?"

"I left him a message, he wouldn't pick up. I'm heading over to my mom's house to talk. I asked for everyone to be there. They deserve an explanation."