Searching for Beautiful (Searching For 3)

Her breath got trapped in her chest. Warning bells clanged madly in her brain. "What medicine? I don't know what you're talking about."

"There's nothing shameful about taking meds," Alexa said. "Many people are on them for depression or anxiety. You took on too much. David said he wanted to cut back your schedule but you refused. He wanted to hire a wedding planner but you insisted on handling every detail yourself. Sometimes you have to ask for help."

The blood rushed to her head and exploded. "Wait a minute. I don't know what he's been telling you but that's not true. He kept asking me to pick up extra shifts at the hospital, not the other way around. And he told me over and over we didn't need anyone else running our wedding, that we should do it ourselves."

Alexa stared at her. "Honey, David called me for the name of a wedding planner. He tried to hire her but you said no. Don't you remember the conversation we had at lunch? I told you to call her and you refused?"

She remembered. Except that morning, David told her he'd be disappointed if she gave over the wedding to a stranger. Asked if she was comfortable giving over her children to a nanny to raise--if that was the type of mother and wife she wanted to be. How had he manipulated the conversation so easily? By the time Alexa brought it up, she'd been determined to show him she could do it all on her own. Had he been spinning stories and lies about their relationship from the beginning? And if so, why?

She had to fix this and make them understand. "I don't need meds. And he twists things. I started noticing a pattern of manipulation and a need for control in every part of my life. He began checking my phone, trying to keep me away from my friends. Do you know how many times I wanted to see Alexa, or come over for dinner, and he'd give me an excuse for why I couldn't go?"

Her mother frowned. "Really? I always found the opposite. He called me once a week to check in with us, tell us about you and what you were both doing. He confided in your father about a month ago that he was trying to get you to leave the house more but you were having bouts of depression. Remember when I called you? Kept asking if you needed me to come over but you said you needed sleep?"

She'd asked David to have her parents over for dinner. It had been a rough night at the hospital so he'd lost his temper, asking why he wasn't enough for her. Asking why they couldn't enjoy a quiet dinner together instead of dragging everyone else into their relationship. By the time her mom had called, she'd been so upset she'd lied and said she needed sleep for an excuse. She'd always been protecting her dark secret with David, trying to keep people from learning the truth about their relationship.

Including herself.

The tangled web she'd gotten herself into was all her fault. Gen dragged in a breath. "Mom, I didn't want you to know that David gave me a hard time when I asked if I could have you over for dinner. When you called, I was embarrassed at having to say no so I told you I was tired."

"I see."

No, she didn't. In fact, Gen realized in a blinding lightbulb moment, her entire family didn't believe her. Somehow David had convinced them he was the good guy and she needed help.

"If you were having these problems, why did you move forward? You had a big engagement party. Plenty of time to tell any of us your concerns with David," her father said.

"I knew something was wrong, but I didn't want to admit it. I was scared. We were living together, he's my boss, and I felt trapped."

"Trapped? Did he ever threaten you?" Jim asked.

"No. But I think he's an abuser, Dad."

Lance leaned forward. "Did he hit you? I'll kill the son of a bitch."

"No, he never hit me."

Silence fell. Gina ducked her head. Alexa frowned, as if trying to figure out the puzzle. Izzy remained quiet, concentrating on her nails, as if afraid to give her opinion. Her parents looked confused.

Gen's gaze connected with Wolfe's.

Strength. He believed her. He knew. But this was her fight, her family, her truth. She needed to make them see the whole picture.

Gen opened her mouth.

The doorbell rang.

Jim stood up. "Good. We need to get to the bottom of this."

"Dad, who's at the door?"

His jaw tightened. "David. You have to understand how desperate he is to see you, Gen. He's been a mess. Here every day since you left, going over everything he could have done wrong. The man loves you and you owe him an explanation."

Panic bubbled up. She didn't have time to gather her thoughts or prepare for the confrontation. Suddenly, David was in front of her, staring into her face, and she froze, unable to tear her gaze from his.

She'd fallen for him the moment she looked into his face. He was a god of male beauty and skill, and she'd loved him from afar for almost two years before he finally noticed her. Long lunches led to dinners, and when they fell into bed with one another, she felt as if she'd met her match.

How long had it lasted? That short period of bliss, diving into the physical state of arousal, hours spent under the covers, making love and sharing thoughts and ideas and dreams. He was everything she'd ever wanted. It had been so easy to ignore the signs, the quiet disappointment when she did something he didn't approve of, the slow ordering of his expectations and wants to come before hers.

His emerald eyes shone in his tanned face. His thick golden blond hair reminded her of a halo, highlighting the laugh lines bracketing his mouth, the sense of power and presence he radiated by just walking into a room. Her mouth worked to form some type of words, but he moved too fast.

He pulled her into his arms and kissed her. Wrapped his hands around her waist, stroked her hair, murmured loving phrases into her ear. Such tenderness and care. Oh, how she'd adored this side of him, the gentle lover who made her feel whole by just obtaining his approval. She also knew how fast he could turn, how deep he could punish and make her hurt by a few cutting words or cold looks.

Gen tried to step back but he held her tight. "I'm so sorry, baby," he said over and over. "This is my fault. I pushed too fast, I didn't listen to your concerns before the wedding. Forgive me, my love."

Nausea hit. Desperate to get away, she pushed against his chest and stumbled back. The devastation on his face, the raising of his arms into empty air, sliced her deep. She heard her mother's quiet gasp at the complete rejection of his emotions, and she wondered again if she was crazy, if David really was a good man. If she needed to give him another chance.

"I'm sorry. I never meant to do this to you, leave you in this way. I have no excuse." Her voice broke. "I'll never forgive myself for forcing you to deal with the mess I left behind."

"I forgive you, Genevieve. I just don't want to lose you. I want you back."

In that moment, the noises died down and her heart took a step forward. She'd loved him once. Believed he was the one. Somehow, along the way, that love had turned to fear, doubt, and sadness. There was no other chance for them, because she didn't like who she was with David.

She didn't even know who she was with him.

A quick glance around the room showed hope. A happy ever after. But she couldn't give it to them.

"David, I--I can't. I can't."

Jim cleared his throat. "I think you two need to talk in private."

She nodded. They walked silently up the stairs and closed the door to the spare room behind them. Since the house had emptied, her father had turned it into an office, with a small futon, computer, desk, and television. The walls were pale peach. She fingered the slight dent by the window, remembering when she and Izzy had played Dance-Off and Izzy banged her head in an attempt to do a handstand gone horribly wrong.

"Why? Why did you leave me, Genevieve?"

He always used her full name. She used to find it intimate. Now he only sounded like a teacher figure rather than a lover.

"I should've realized the truth of my feelings before. I've been unhappy for a long time. I don't think we're good together."

His brow arched. "How could you say that? We've been perf

ect together from the beginning. I love you. I want to protect you and be with you forever. What's not working?"

She shifted her feet. She needed to be strong and focus. "I don't feel like I'm me anymore," she said softly. "I feel like I'm turning myself inside out to please you but it's never enough. I'm not happy. I don't think you are either. You're constantly telling me how to fix myself to make you happy. People who love one another are supposed to accept who you are."

"Did you get that line from Wolfe?" She flinched. "Do you even realize the humiliation you put me through? Everyone knew you were with him. Believed you'd run off for some wild affair and left me holding the bag. The hospital is full of gossip; it's been impossible to work. Strangers stare. Reporters have staked out our house and harass my parents and your family. And did you even give me the courtesy of a phone call? No. Just disappeared with that lowlife."

The charm began to disappear. He took a few steps in, forcing her to back up against the wall. Anger pulsed from his frame, but he held still, caging her in with his body. He was an expert at aggressive maneuvers without saying a word. Gen tried to keep calm, but already the panic leaked through, urging her to run. Why was she so intimidated by him?

"Nothing happened between us. Nothing ever has or will. He was outside when I came through the window and I asked him to take me away. It's all my fault. I didn't call because I was trying to get my head together. I've been afraid to face the truth about us."

She remembered when Wolfe tempted her with more time away. The empty road ahead. If it hadn't been for that newspaper article, she would've run even farther with him, maybe never stopped or looked back. The guilt crippled her, but she needed to push through.

"I can't make you happy," she whispered. "I'm not enough."

The intimidation faded away. His body sagged. His eyes held a naked sadness and longing that she'd first fallen in love with. Not only the brilliant doctor, but the broken man who craved love and promised to give her everything. "No," he said softly. "I'm not enough for you. I've never been." He pushed his fingers through his hair, tilting his head back as if searching for answers from the heavens. "I didn't mean what I said about Wolfe. I know it wasn't like that between you, I just don't know what I'm saying. I haven't slept since you left. I go over every detail to see what I did to make you scared of me or doubt my feelings for you. And then my greatest fear came true. You left me." His voice broke. "Just like my mother did. Just like I was always afraid you would."