Searching for Always (Searching For 4)

His work schedule blasted them back to reality. Hard reality. Endless shifts, sleepless nights, and little entertainment caused a tear. Soon they were fighting, insulting, taking potshots that left shallow cuts and little time to heal. She wanted to travel and be fabulous. He wanted to slay the demons and catch the bad guys. Suddenly, it wasn't so much fun anymore, and Stone finally figured out he wasn't a man worth fighting for.

The incident confirmed the end. After he shot his gun and got dragged into an investigation that put the spotlight on him, she distanced herself. All the intense energy he exuded that used to intrigue her became distasteful. Like turning over a big, smooth rock and spotting a bunch of slugs beneath. They'd been on the literal rocks before the incident, but afterward? There was nothing left to save. Her affair only confirmed how far they'd sunk.

It hardly stung anymore. Stone wondered how long their marriage would have lasted if he hadn't walked in on her. Had he ever loved her on a bone-deep, emotional level? Or had he just been lonely and lost after the shooting, looking for a connection to save him?

When his request for a transfer to Verily went through, he couldn't wait to get out of the Bronx and away from all the damn memories. Even his partner hadn't cared, but their relationship hadn't been tight like his with Devine. He bet Devine would've backed him up and fought for him to stay.

Bet he wouldn't have slept with his wife either.

Sweat ran down his body. He clenched his teeth and pushed past the strain, his muscles working overtime, the exertion clearing his mind. He spotted the pretty blonde staring at him, her blue eyes wide with appreciation of his form. He was a realist when it came to his body. He put a lot of crap into it, but he balanced that with steady workouts and training to help sculpt the physical traits needed to succeed as a cop. His Black Irish blood had also been a gift. Women seemed to like that type of heritage, something about the dark hair and eyes with fairer skin. The tall, skinny youth had finally grown up until he towered over all the other punks in the neighborhood and gained respect. Growing the goatee just added to the rough appeal.

Whatever. He wasn't the type to stare in a mirror. As long as he was clean and had some type of clothes on, he was good to go. Getting women had never been a problem for him. Stone finished his squats, wiped his face with a towel, and grabbed the hand weights for biceps curls. The blonde inched closer, an open smile curving her lips. Definitely an invite. He hadn't seen her before, but she was cute. Seemed as if she'd be open to grabbing a shake at the juice bar and accompanying him home.

The image of Arilyn's face drifted past him.

Ah, crap. He grunted and rolled out a few sets. Fingers gripping the hand weights, his veins bulged, the warmth of adrenaline flooded his blood, and he became half-aroused. He hoped it was the pretty blonde making him semi-erect, but the damn image of his long-limbed teacher who owned her body with a pride he rarely spotted in females was starting to kill him. Worse? He was imagining her doing the Salutation thing naked. With him.

He clanged the weights back on the shelf and cursed. Grabbed his water bottle and drained it dry in one long gulp. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, tossed the towel over his shoulder, and headed out.

The blonde stared. Her eyes begged him to stop and converse. Flirt. Do the dance that would eventually lead him to a satisfying bout of sweaty, fulfilling sex. He paused, getting closer, ready to open his mouth. Waited for the subtle spark of attraction that told him they'd have a good time tonight.

Instead, he walked past.

The sharp flash of disappointment on her face pissed him off. What was wrong with him? Why not have a quick tumble? Why was he suddenly obsessed with the one woman he really, really didn't like? Sure, they had some kind of crazy spark, but damned if he was interested in getting electrocuted. And that woman would surely kill him if they ever got involved. Hell, electrocution would probably be less painful.

He muttered to himself the whole drive home, swearing to get his head on straight. When he walked into his small brick ranch, he shoved a frozen pizza in the oven to cook while he took a quick shower, then settled in front of his television. Maybe American Ninja Warrior was on. The quiet settled around him, and Stone looked around, wondering what Arilyn Meadows would say about his home.

He was neat but not ruthlessly so. His house screamed bachelor, but not in a seedy way. Besides the latest electronics, including wireless sound stereo, a sixty-inch flat-screen TV, and two Macs, the surroundings were simple. He'd gone with wine and black colors. Leather couches, burgundy throw rugs, and dark-wood tables. A ton of bookshelves and a battered desk in the corner piled high with folders and work stuff. Black-and-white photographs accented the walls, mostly views of Yankee Stadium, both new and old. The kitchen was big enough to hold a table and chairs, but he mostly ate at the breakfast bar. The gray and blue granite hadn't needed updating, nor had the new stainless steel appliances, though he never cooked. His one bedroom had a thick chocolate rug, mahogany furniture, and a sleigh bed he'd grabbed on clearance. He wasn't big into knickknacks, but he had a tendency to buy blankets in various patterns and colors, so they were tossed all over the furniture.

Grabbing his pizza, he cracked open an IPA and settled onto the sofa in his boxers. Stone clicked through the channels, paused on a boxing match, and stretched his feet out. This was nice. Just another night at home, on his own terms, in the peace and quiet.

Arilyn's melodic voice whispered in his ear.

You drink beer with some cops. Shoot a bit of pool. Maybe lift a few weights at the gym. But basically you're a workaholic who spends most of his time alone.

He froze. Get out of my head, he ordered. I'm damn happy. Content.

You, Stone Petty, are a hypocrite.

He groaned, squeezing his eyes shut. He refused to think about her. He'd finish his pizza, watch the rest of the match, and go jerk off to the mental image of the pretty blonde in the gym. Then he'd get his shit together tomorrow and find someone to actually have sex with.

Stone cranked up the volume and shoved the cardboard-like pizza into his mouth with false gusto.

Take that, Arilyn Meadows.

I don't hear you.

He had a great life.

Really, really great.

seven

STONE LOOKED AROUND. The purple room was filled with soothing blends of sights and sounds that made him itchy. Water trickled from a fountain with glossy river rocks. Classical music streamed through hidden speakers. Instead of sitting behind the large oak desk, Arilyn perched on a velvet cushion across from him, notepad on lap, a slight frown marring her ginger brows. The room was essentially female--Goddess of Fertility or Venus or shit like that. Plants sprung from the corners, silver sparkly pillows accessorized the endless violet, and the carpet was thick beneath his feet.

Did she always sit so still? She reminded him of an exotic bird, watchful of every situation and ready to either dive in to save a buddy or fly off into the wild blue yonder.

And why was he suddenly composing weird analogies to animals when he thought of this woman?

He took in her black Lycra yoga pants, low-heeled boots he bet weren't real leather, and a snug T-shirt with the Kinnections logo in bright purple and gray. No makeup marred the lines of her graceful features or hid her creamy white skin. So different from all the women he knew, who obsessed on beauty, channeling their inner peacocks in order to compete in the world.

He'd been surprised when she said she wanted to have his one-to-one counseling in her Kinnections office, but thought it would be a great opportunity to analyze her further. The endless spreadsheets and three computer systems impressed him. Also intimidated him. He wasn't such a program expert, so that seemed pretty cool, though he had no idea how such an extensive computer setup could possibly help in connecting couples or doing whatever Kinnections promised people it did. Make matches. Find love. Whatever.

She seemed to have something on her mind. It showed in the slight tenseness of h

er shoulders and the assessing gleam in her sea-glass-green eyes. He kept his face impassive, interested in finding out what she wanted.

"Nice office."

She glanced around as if viewing it for the first time and nodded. "Thank you. My partners, Kate and Kennedy, helped decorate."

"Very girly."

That brought an annoyed snap of the brow. "It's generic " she offered politely. "Purple is the color of the highest chakra, opening up the mind center."

He scratched his head, hooked one ankle over his leg, and slouched in the chair. "Thought the heart was more important in your business."

"A clear mind and connection with your highest inner power is key to all. The rest follows."

He made a noncommittal snort, and her lips tightened. Stone tamped down on a chuckle. She was so much damn fun to spar with and piss off. It was becoming his favorite hobby. "Why do you need computers? Thought love was a magical mystery thing."

"Love is magical but also scientific. It takes a lot to find your match. Personality, beliefs, upbringings--all are brought to the table when we meet someone new. Ignoring those pieces of a person and waiting for an invisible chemistry connection to make everything okay wouldn't be reasonable. It would also put us out of business."

Her sharp intelligence intrigued him. A mix of new age hippie crap and nerd scientist. Fascinating. "Do you work the computer side of the business?"

"Yes, I also do the counseling. Which we should get to."

"In a minute. Did you study computers in school?"

She shifted in the chair. "I graduated with a double master's in psychology and computer science."

"How'd you end up working here?"

"My friends and I discussed the benefits of opening up our own business and using each of our strengths to create a unique spot in the market."

Huh. She was lying. Her gaze dropped down to the floor when she spoke. Now he was dying to know how this matchmaking business got started. "I'm impressed. Most businesses fail, especially ones started with friends."

Her voice dripped with sarcasm. "I'm so glad. Now I can sleep at night."