Santa's Secret Baby

“I’m sorry.” I nod toward the snow that’s falling, and Eve’s face lights up with a smile.

“Rae is going to be excited.” She echoes my thoughts as she takes a sip of her own drink. I always wondered what kind of woman my brother would fall for. If someone had told me it would be a bubbly party planner who is often a bit clumsy, I’m not sure I would have believed it.

He almost scared her off when she first arrived here, but she didn't back down and knocked him right on his ass. Not that it would have mattered. If she had run, my brother would have chased. He was in love with her the moment they met, and they’ve managed to make me believe in soul mates again. Their love feels a little bit magical.

“So as I was saying,” Eve keeps going, “I was going over the Christmas party list, and there are a few men I want to introduce you to.” She taps the paper in front of her, and it’s filled with names, many that I’d given her, but none of whom I would ever date. She wiggles her eyebrows.

“You’re relentless.” She’s been trying to set me up for the past few months, but I don't date. All my attention is on my daughter, and she’s the center of my world. Though lately she’s been asking why Mommy doesn't try to find her own prince.

I’m lucky that I have a trust that allows me to stay home with her so we get to spend so much time together. But it doesn’t allow for meeting new people, even if I wanted to date.

“In the year I’ve known you, I’ve never once heard you talk about going on a date.” She runs her finger along the top of her cup, and the light hits the diamond of her wedding ring. Eve and my brother's love story is a little bit of a fairy tale. With them around it feels like love is in the air, and now she wants me to breathe it in. But I’ve learned that not everyone gets a fairy tale, even though I did get Rae, and that little girl means everything to me. “Are you still in love with him?”

Her question has me choking on my hot chocolate. It isn't often someone brings up my ex-husband Paul, and it’s a quick way to send my brother into a pissy mood. Even Rae doesn't ask about him. I’m not sure she remembers much. She was young, and I tried to shield her from him as much as possible. I’m not sure what I’ll do if she asks about him. When we were married, he was never around, only wanting the money and power that came with my family.

To this day, everyone still thinks Paul is her father.

What do I tell Rae when she asks about her “father”? Is it better to think her father was a one-night stand that up and disappeared, or the man I was married to once upon a time that never showed her any attention? Paul dropped off the earth after the divorce, and I’m sure my brother has something to do with that. Dasher pulled me from that hell I’d been stuck in and saved both Rae and me.

“No.” I pick up the napkin and wipe my mouth. “I was never in love with Paul,” I admit to Eve. I’ve never even told my brother that. I called him one night and said I wanted out and I couldn't do it anymore.

I had Rae, but I’d felt so alone. After we lost our father, Mom soon followed. It was the darkest time in my life, and Rae was the only thing that got me through. Dasher let himself fall into work, which was his own kind of darkness. Without hesitation, he was there cleaning up the mess I’d made.

“Oh.” She bites her lip, and I know she wants to ask something else. “Did you go through with it because you were knocked up?” she asks, trying to figure out why I married a man I didn't love. A few people thought that, and it made sense with how soon after the wedding I had Rae.

“I got pregnant on my wedding night,” I say, and it’s the truth. She only looks more confused, and I don’t blame her. Why else would I have married Paul? “It was a mistake. One I won’t make again, so you can put your list away.”

Her face falls. “Don’t let one asshole sour love for you.”

It wasn't only one. It was two, although I’m not sure I can call him an asshole because he might not know about Rae. Paul told me Isaac knew and wanted nothing to do with a whore that would fuck her husband’s brother on her wedding day. As much as I hated to admit it, it was kind of understandable. That said, Paul could have made that all up.