I smile at him and roll my eyes. “Like I care.”
“Sure you do. It’s why we do this, right?”
My smile slips a little bit. What he just said is basically the unspoken truth, but nobody ever actually says it out loud. We all just pretend that we’re doing it for the love of the music, or the money, when really I think most of us are doing it for the fame.
I don’t know why I’m doing it. I guess it’s partly for the fame, the money, the music. It’s all of that and maybe more. Maybe I’m trying to fill a hole in me with fame and adoration and excitement.
I don’t even know anymore. It’s just what I do, and so I do it.
“I don’t care about that,” I say dismissively.
“Come on. You check your Insta all the time. You’re super active on Twitter. You obviously love being famous.”
“I guess,” I say, starting to get uncomfortable.
“Come on, Katie. You’re a rock star, people love you. It’s okay to admit you like being famous.”
“I’m not sure I do.”
He scoffs at that. “Yeah, right. I know you, I see the way you look at your social shit, I see the way you read all the blogs. You’re a fame whore just like the rest of us.”
“I’m not,” I say to him, starting to get annoyed. “You barely even know me.”
He smirks. “You’re my girlfriend. Of course I know you.”
“Stop,” I say to him. “You really don’t. This isn’t just about being famous, okay?”
“Liar,” he says, still pressing the point. He has this stupid smile on his face and I hate when he gets like this. He thinks he can’t be wrong about anything. Maybe he’s chasing fame, but that’s not me. I’m not like him.
Not totally at least. I still have some of my soul left. I didn’t sell it all off.
“I’m not a liar. Why are you pushing this so hard?”
“Because I hate when you pretend like you’re better than me.”
“I’m not… I’m not pretending like I’m better than you.”
“Yes, you are. You think it’s stupid to want to be famous, well, screw you. I like being famous and I think you do too. You’re just a liar that can’t actually accept what she is.”
I sit there, staring at him, not sure what to say. He’s grinning at me, but the smile is hard and tight.
I feel a flash of anger. I’m so sick of this. I’m so tired of pretending with this fucking guy. If he were my real boyfriend, I wouldn’t put up with this crap.
So why am I doing it with my fake boyfriend?
“You know what, Jasper?” I ask him, standing up. “I’m done with this.”
He cocks his head. “Excuse me?”
“I’m done with this,” I repeat, a little louder now. I can feel my anger getting the better of me. I should sit down and shut up. I just decided I wasn’t going to do this, but I can’t help myself now.
I feel everyone starting to look. I feel Graham’s eyes staring at me intently.
“What do you mean, you’re done with this?” Jasper sneers at me the way he sneers at everyone else.
“I’m done with this relationship. I’m breaking up with you.”
“You can’t… what the fuck?” He stands up, pissed now.
“I’m sick of this, okay? I’m finished. Just get out of here.”
“Fuck you,” he says. “You’re not dumping me, you little bitch.”
He steps toward me, but suddenly there’s a body between the two of us. Graham appears so fast I don’t even have time to register him before he’s just there.
“What did you say to her?” he says. Everyone is staring openly now. Norah is inching closer, a look of alarm on her face.
“I said… fuck you, ape,” Jasper snaps weakly.
“Leave.” Graham’s voice is deep and booming, the opposite of Jasper’s little whine. “Right now. And if you speak again, I’m going to break your fucking jaw.”
Jasper glares at him, glares at me, and then leaves the room.
Everyone’s silent. It’s like a bomb just dropped.
Graham turns to me. “Are you okay?” he asks.
I stare at him stupidly. “I didn’t need your help,” I say.
“I know.”
I shake my head, turning away from him. “What do you want?” I shout at everyone. They all look away, pretending not to be staring. I hurry toward the door, my heart racing.
“Katie,” Norah says, coming after me. “Hold on a second. Just wait.”
I look at her. “No. This is your fault.”
She comes to a stop. “My fault?”
“You did that and you know it.” I glare at her for a second. Graham starts toward me but I don’t wait.
I turn and leave the room as fast as I can.
I know Graham’s following, but I don’t want to see him. I can’t stand the look on his face right now. I bet he feels so victorious, like I’m throwing myself at his feet or something.