City of the Lost (Rockton 1)

"That doesn't help when I'm too busy to come in late."

He pauses, thinking hard, and I know I sound pissy. I'm not pissy. I'm scared. Terrified of going down there and buying whatever he sells, because I look at him in the moonlight, that confusion and worry on his face, his usual swagger gone, as he tries to figure out how to placate me, seeming a little bit lost. I want to tell him it's okay. Brush aside my fears and go with my gut.

"Five minutes?" he says. "Please? I know you're angry, and I can't figure out what I've done, and I need you to tell me so I can fix it."

Damn it, Eric, don't do this.

"I'm not angry," I say.

His voice firms. "Don't pull that shit with me, Casey. You've been distant since yesterday, and by this afternoon you could barely stand the sight of me. I need to know what I've done wrong."

I hesitate and then say, "Hold on. I'm coming down."

He's still on my back porch. The cross fox is out, prowling, and Dalton's gaze flicks to it and then back at me, like a schoolboy trying hard not to be distracted when he knows he's in trouble.

"It's about the case," I say.

"Yeah, I figured that."

"About Abbygail."

He nods, his expression neutral but his shoulders tightening as if he's bracing himself.

"The night of her birthday party, you were seen behind the community hall with her."

Silence. Then, "Fuck," and he closes his eyes, swaying slightly, and I want to grab him and shake him and say, No.

Do not do this, Eric. Do not tell me it's true. Or if it is true, give me an excuse. Don't stand there with your eyes closed looking like you're about to throw up, because that tells a very different story. One I do not want to hear.

"Eric?" I say.

"I--" His eyes open, and in them I see panic. Panic and guilt. Such incredible guilt. "We-- It--"

He looks off to the side. At the fox and then away again.

"I need you to tell me what happened," I say.

"I know." His voice is barely above a whisper. "I will. I just ... It's..."

He swallows and looks around for an escape hatch. He spots the back door and heads for it, throwing it open and walking inside, and I want to yell, Hey! That's my house! but I know there's no subtext in the intrusion. He wants to take this conversation inside, and so he does.

When I walk in, though, I see he wants something very different. He has my tequila bottle in hand, and he's pulling a mug off the shelf.

"I don't think you need that," I say.

"Yeah, I do. I really do."

He pours the shot and downs it so fast he gasps, grabbing the back of a chair as he doubles over, coughing. When he straightens, his eyes are watering. He closes them for a second and then looks at me and says, "I fucked up, Casey. I fucked up so bad."

I wave to a seat, but he shakes his head and stays standing, still gripping that chair.

"I was blind and I was stupid and I hurt her," he says. "I didn't mean to, but I did."

I struggle to stay calm. To look calm. "Tell me what happened."

"We left the party together. She'd had too much to drink, and someone had to walk her home. We were passing behind the hall, and she said she saw an animal dart under it. I followed and ... and she kissed me. I didn't see it coming. Absolutely did not see it coming. She'd pecked my cheek a couple of times, when I did something for her, and maybe that was a sign, but I thought it was just a friendly kiss. This wasn't. I couldn't even process what was happening. When I did, I backed away. Fast. I told her she'd had too much to drink. She said she'd had just enough to do what she didn't dare when she was sober. She said ... things. About me. How she felt. I panicked. I just panicked. I said hell no. That wasn't happening. Ever."

He swallows and white-knuckles the chair. "I rejected her. Rejected her hard. I didn't mean to, but like I said, I panicked. She got mad. Said I treated her like a child. Said she felt like the only way she'd get my attention is if she walked into the forest and made me come after her. But she was drunk. Drunk and talking nonsense, and that's what I thought until..." The chair chatters against the wood floor, and I see his hands are shaking.