Atoning (Darkness Rising 3.1)

My dad nearly had heart failure the first time he saw me fire a gun, but I embraced the lessons because our months on the run taught me I needed to be able to defend myself, by any means necessary.

This fight was four average supernaturals against a benandanti, a werewolf and a mountain lion. Even without training, I think we could have taken them. Maya and Daniel had disabled their adversaries as soon as they heard the others coming. Then, Derek joined in, and I sat on Rae and relaxed as I listened for it to be over.

"You've changed," Rae said, her first words since Derek had captured her.

"Uh-huh."

She tried to rise. I held her firmly, being clear that escape attempts would be frowned upon.

"You're as bad as he is now," she said.

"No, I'm as good as he is. Which doesn't mean being able to fight makes me a better person. But I've adjusted to the situation, because the situation is unlikely to adjust to me."

"You've really changed."

I have. But Derek says I'm still the girl he fell for, because when he fell for me, I'd already been evolving. So had he, learning to be less angry with the world and more a part of the world. That doesn't mean he'll ever be a cheerful extrovert like Simon. No more than I'll ever be a cold-hearted bitch like... Well, Tori's not what I thought she was at Lyle House either. None of us are. A couple of adjectives can't define anyone. In the right situation, I can be a cold-hearted bitch. Or at least I can play the role.

"You don't need to live like this," Rae said. "Always on the run, always fighting."

"We don't."

"Because you think you've found a safe place. Badger Lake. It's not real. You know that, don't you? It's just brainwashing. They've convinced you that you're happy."

"I am happy."

The words came without hesitation, and I paused after I said them. Was I happy? Yes. There's part of me that feels I should be pacing like a caged lion, looking for a way to escape, but even Derek isn't. That's not brainwashing. We know we're living in a cage, and we wouldn't want to live there forever. But for now, it's kind of like being in an amazing boarding school, and we know that's intentional--Sean pampers us to show us how good Cabal life could be--but if we keep our eyes open to the truth, I think it's okay to say "I'm happy."

Rae kept going on about brainwashing and the evil Cabals. I let her, because, as long as I didn't argue, she thought I was listening and hoped I'd "escape" with her. I wasn't listening, though. I was focused on the others as they disabled their attackers. The second the fighting stopped, the thump of running footfalls followed. Derek appeared in the alley mouth, blood on his T-shirt.

"Not mine," he said, catching my look of alarm.

As he walked over, Daniel appeared, Maya beside him. Rae saw Maya and let out a shriek that had me scrambling to cover her mouth.

"She's with us," I said. "She's a skin-walker."

Rae's expression said she had no idea what that was and didn't really care, because there was a mountain lion padding straight for her. Maya surveyed me, looking for signs of injury. Then she lowered her head to peer at Rae. Her lip curled in a snarl, showing off fangs as big as my forefingers. She stretched out her oversized front paws, claws flicking out like switchblades.

Rae yelped. I tried not to chuckle. A wolf is an impressive sight, but a mountain lion at close range is terrifying, especially when she's showing off her weaponry.

Maya leaned against me, and I gave her a quick scratch behind the ears. Then, she bounded off.

"Back in five," Daniel said, and he went after her.

It really would only be a few minutes before she returned. While the shift from cat to human is as physically demanding as wolf to human, Maya gets a pass on the pain and agony part. She used to lose consciousness. Now it's more of a trance state, which still means her shift is much easier than Derek's. He tries not to grumble. He still does. I don't blame him.

"You're making a mistake," Rae said as Derek hauled her up.

"You can tell us about it in a few minutes," I said. "We need to get farther from those guys before we chat."

"And if you try to call for help?" Derek said. "I've got a sock that'll fit in your mouth. Been wearing it all day."

I texted Maya, and we arrived at Daniel's truck at the same time. She was still catching her breath. She might be spared the pain of the transformation, but she still has to deal with the aftereffects.

Maya and I patted Rae down. She had a cell phone. We left it behind. We also made her leave her jacket and sneakers, which were the most likely places to hide a transmitter.

Maya climbed into the truck bed with Daniel. Rae sat in the middle of the front seat. I drove. Derek rode shotgun, which made it easier for him to subdue Rae if needed. It wasn't needed. She sat quietly until we got out of the city and pulled onto a dirt road. Then, she said, "What exactly do you plan to do with me?"

"That depends. I thought you were being held captive by those guys, so this was supposed to be a rescue mission, but, obviously, I was wrong. You were trying to kidnap me."