"Hrrmph," The MacKay muttered and then glanced to Cam as he approached.
"Shall we?" Cam asked, taking Joan's arm firmly in hand and pulling her away from the MacKay.
Ross MacKay arched an eyebrow at what could have been construed as a jealous action, but nodded and turned toward his horse. "Let's away."
"Aye," Cam murmured and urged Joan to his horse. Once there, he mounted, and then leaned down to catch and lift her onto the beast before him. He was silent the entire time. That, combined with his stiffness, told her he was angry. She suspected it was about her saying that she did want this to end. Explaining what she'd meant when she'd said that probably would have eased his anger if not banished it altogether, but she didn't do that. It seemed better to her for him to be angry. It would be easier on both of them. There would be no emotional parting now. He would probably drop her at the keep doors and leave for home at once. In fact, she was surprised he hadn't just handed her over to Ross and left already. Especially when she realized just how close they had camped to the MacKay castle. It seemed to her that hardly more than a couple moments passed before they were riding out of the woods into a valley that covered the last little distance to the castle wall.
Terribly aware of the silent gawking the MacKay warriors were doing, Joan was grateful for the short ride. It made her wish she'd had a chance to change before encountering them. Not that she had a dress to change into anymore, but their stares made her wish she did.
And despite the fact that Cam's being angry would make their parting easier, Joan wished he wasn't angry with her and that she could talk to him. While he had become her lover, they had started out friends when he'd thought her a boy, and she was suddenly very nervous about what might be in the message her mother had given her. A message she had insisted Joan deliver in person despite the risky journey that entailed. She ached to talk to him about it, but she couldn't. To do that she had to explain her earlier comment and ease his anger, and if she did that . . .
Joan swallowed and glanced down at his hands on the reins. If she explained, he would surely know just how important he had come to be to her. He would know how tempted she was to stay with him, and he might very well use that against her. A kiss, a caress, and a few sweet words and she knew she would find it hard not to throw caution to the wind and go to Sinclair with him. It was something she was already struggling with. The only thing keeping her from it was her fear of the future, her fear that despite her precautions, his child might settle in her belly. And her fear of the inevitable day when he would tire of her and move on.
A sudden image came to her of standing in the cold and snow, a bairn in her arms, watching Cam kissing and caressing another woman behind a stables. It would break her heart to go through that, Joan knew. No, she assured herself, it was better to treat their relationship like an infected limb and simply cut it off now rather than wait for the rot to spread to the rest of the body. It was going to hurt either way, but this way at least she might save herself some pride and perhaps a little piece of her heart.
"Leave yer horse. The men'll tend him," the MacKay said as they reigned in before the keep stairs and dismounted.
Cam glanced around to nod at those words. He then turned, intending to lift Joan down, but she'd already slid off the beast by herself.
Could she not even bear for him to touch her now? He wondered bitterly as she hurried to follow Ross up the steps to the keep, neatly avoiding his taking her arm to escort her. It seemed now that he'd got her here safe and sound she was done with him. It made Cam wonder if her allowing him to bed her hadn't simply been a means to secure his protection for her journey. Certainly, she'd made it clear that she had no desire to further their acquaintance.
No' this, Joan. I do no' want this to end.
But I do.
His words and her response had echoed through Cam's head repeatedly on the short ride to the keep. In his memory, he sounded like a lovesick lad pleading for her attentions. And she like a heartless harpy, slapping him down. He'd thought at the very least they were friends, but after all their talk, laughter, and passion, she'd refused him outright and without a second thought.
Mouth tight, Cam followed them up the steps. He really wanted to get on his horse and ride home to lick his wounds, but pride wouldn't allow it. He would stay to find out what was in the message, and perhaps partake of the meal he knew Lady MacKay was sure to offer. Then he would head home as if it were the most natural thing in the world and he wasn't heartsore and angry.
"Nay! Jasper nay! Stop! Do not--Oh! Give me that, you horrid dog you!"
Cam glanced around curiously at those distressed calls as he followed Joan and Ross into the keep, his eyes finding Lady MacKay across the great hall, chasing their dog, Jasper, around the chairs by the fire. His eyes widened slightly, but then he noted the cloth in the animal's mouth and realized the problem just as Jasper spotted them and bound in their direction.
Ross bent to catch the dog as it charged forward, but the animal was fast and veered around him, right into Cam's arms.
"There," he murmured, gently tugging what appeared to be a shirt from the animal's mouth, even as he struggled to hold on to the wiggling beast. The dog was wagging his tail so hard, his whole lower body was waving back and forth like a snake's and he was hard to hold onto.
"Thank you, Cam," Annabel said with an exasperated sigh as she hurried over to them. "I swear this dog will be the death of me."
Cam smiled slightly, but remained on one knee to pet the dog with one hand as he handed the shirt up to Lady MacKay with the other. "When did Jasper start stealing clothes? And what the devil are ye feeding the beast? Last time I saw him he seemed old and tired. Now he's as frisky as a pup."
"He is a pup," Annabel said, accepting the shirt.
"We lost Jasper the Second at the end of winter," Ross explained. "This is Jasper the Third. He's about seven months old now."
"Aye, and he is as fond of chewing up clothes as Jasper the First was of cheese," Annabel said with irritation.
Cam shifted his gaze back to Jasper III, eyebrows rising. At seven months old the pup was still growing, yet he was already easily as big as Jasper II had been full grown. The beast was going to be huge.
"Thank you for rescuing Payton's shirt. I had just finished mending a tear in it when Jasper decided he should take it," Annabel said wryly, checking the shirt now. "Fortunately, he doesn't appear to have done any damage . . . this time."
"Me pleasure," Cam said, giving the dog one last pet and strai
ghtening.
" 'Tis nice to see you, Cam," Annabel said. "How is your mother?"
"Fine as far as I ken," Cam said with a grimace.
"Oh, aye, you have been away all summer," Annabel recalled, and then smiled. "She will be glad to see you home."
"No doubt," he said quietly.
Annabel nodded and then peered curiously at Joan, blinking when she noted her hair flowing down her back. No doubt Lady MacKay had thought her a boy at first glance, Cam realized and could hardly blame her. While Joan's hair was now down, it wasn't immediately obvious pushed back over her shoulders as it was. She also wore the braies and tunic she'd been wearing when he'd first encountered her. Anyone would have thought her a man at first glance.
"Wife, this is Joan," the MacKay said quietly. "Cam encountered her on his way home and when he heard she was coming here to deliver a message, he offered to escort her."
"Oh, that was kind," Annabel said, and offered Joan a smile. "Well, welcome to you both. You must be tired after your journey. Come sit yourselves at the trestle tables and I will go ask one of the maids to fetch us some food and drinks."
"Thank ye," Cam murmured, and took Joan's arm to usher her after Annabel when Lady MacKay turned to lead them across the great hall. Their hostess paused briefly at the trestle table, gesturing for them to sit, and then bustled off toward the door to the kitchens.
Ross shook his head as he watched Jasper hurry after her. "That bloody dog follows her everywhere," he said with disgust, and then smiled wryly and added, "Well, when he is no' following Annella."
"Annella?" Joan asked curiously.
"Our daughter," Ross explained. "One of them at any rate. We have two daughters and a son, Annella, Kenna and Payton. Annella is our oldest daughter, though her brother Payton is three years older."
"Oh, I see," Joan murmured as she settled at the trestle table.
"Annella and Annabel spoil the dog," Ross added with a small smile. "They both feed him treats at every turn, but Annella lets him sleep on the foot of her bed, so if she is around, he follows her. When she is not, he does no' leave me wife's side."
"Ah," Joan murmured with understanding.
"Where are Annella, Kenna and Payton?" Cam asked curiously.