Sweet Hope (Sweet Home 3)

He blushed bright red. “Yeah. They make me feel happy.”

It went silent, and I knew he was embarrassed telling me that. Austin was a thinker; he was smart.

Looking at the sky again, I pointed at a star. “What’s that one, kid?”

Austin moved closer to me and followed my finger. “That’s Sirius, Axe,” he told me excitedly.

His face looked over at me. “You like the stars, Axe?”

“I like you telling me about them, kid,” I replied, smiling.

Austin settled back down, just as we heard our papa come home drunk from the trailer park bar and start screaming at Mamma. Mamma immediately started crying, begging him not to hurt her. I felt Austin stiffen beside me and his breathing changed. He was terrified. He always got scared of our papa when he came home trashed. It was the reason I brought him up here, to distract him.

Reaching down, I wrapped my arm round his shoulder and pulled him to my side. I fucking hated our loser of a papa. All he wanted to do was hurt us. So I made a promise to myself to always do anything to protect my brothers.

“Come on, kid. Tell me more.” I pushed, feeling Austin grab onto my shirt and squeeze it real tight as a glass smashed inside the trailer and my mamma screamed out in pain.

With a shaky voice, Austin pointed at a bright star. “Th… that’s M-Mars…”

“Nah, really?” I asked. “Is it made from chocolate too?”

I felt Austin weakly start to laugh beside me. “No, Axe, but it’s red and big, and some people think aliens live on it…”

“Really? Aliens?” I asked excitedly, pulling Austin and Levi in closer.

Austin released my shirt, and I knew he’d managed to block out the beating of Mamma inside and I exhaled in relief. “You see, Mars, it’s made of red rock, Axe…”

*****

And that’s how we got through the bad times. The three of us lost in the stars, the night sky taking us away from the shitty trailer we called home.

Watching the night sky became our thing, until my thing became the gang, my crew brothers in the Heighters taking over my life… and I dragged little innocent Austin along for the ride. He’d trusted me, and I’d turned him into a coke-dealing thug at the age of twelve… just like me.

Austin, Levi and me never looked at the stars like that again.

I missed it.

I fucking missed Austin and the relationship we used to have… one I never got to start with Levi when he was old enough to understand.

As I stared at the sky through the glass, my eyes fell on Orion’s Belt. I couldn’t go there right now. Couldn’t keep thinking of our lives before everything went wrong.

A hand running softly down my back had me whipping around. Aliyana’s concerned eyes were wide as she stared up at me, her hand stilling on my back. I could feel the heat of her imprint on my skin like it was a hot branding iron searing my flesh.

“Are you…?” Her fingers moved, stroking at my muscled back, making my skin feel like it was on fire. “Are you okay?”

My instinct was to pull away and tell her to go to hell. Push her away like I did everyone, but as looked into her eyes, I couldn’t fucking move… I wanted those hands to move lower, to touch every part of me.

Aliyana’s hand moved up, her fingers brushing past my hair until her index finger ran over my short beard. “Elpi?”

Reaching up, I gripped her hand to throw it off my face. Her breath hitched as our hands touched, but I held on… Fuck knows why, but I held her hand against my cheek, my heart slamming crazy fast in my chest.

A flush of red raced up from Aliyana’s chest to her neck and cheeks. Her tongue ran over her full pink lips and her eyelids lowered as she stared at me, just breathing… the two of us just fucking breathing.

“Elpi…” Aliyana hushed and began moving toward me. I stared at those full lips and wanted nothing more than to kiss her, to slam her up against the wall and fuck her until neither of us could stand.

But I couldn’t… We couldn’t.

Squeezing her hand, I pulled it from my face and laid it at her side. Disappointment showed in her hurt expression, and I reluctantly moved to the middle of the gallery, giving us some space.

“Elpi?” Aliyana called from behind me. As I faced her, she was playing with a loose strand of hair that had fallen from her band. She looked so goddamn cute and innocent, looking at me with those huge exotic eyes, her long lashes fluttering against her high cheeks. “Are you okay to talk about the others?” she asked shyly.

No, I wanted to say. I’m done with all this exhibition shit, dredging up things from my past that I don’t ever wanna face.

Instead, I took a deep breath and nodded.

A relieved smile spread on her face, and she moved to stand beside me. I immediately felt her warmth, and the air became thick around us. Aliyana dipped her head and blushed, and I knew she felt the weird pull between us too.

Why did everything in my life have to be so fucking complicated?

“So which one should we do next?” she asked.

“I don’t care,” I said, my hands in pockets, feeling my smokes… I really wanted a damn smoke.

Aliyana started walking straight for my biggest piece, the piece, and I stopped dead in my tracks. It took Aliyana a second to realize I wasn’t behind her. In fact, I’d turned my back, feeling like a damn crack had splintered through my chest.

I couldn’t deal with facing what that sculpture meant to me right now.