Enemy's Secret

"Crap, Pompom, I'm so sorry. I've just been strapped with Madison and this big case, haven't been thinking straight."

"You're seeing him," she continues. "Aren't you?"

"Huh?"

"Don't 'huh' me. I knew you getting into this case against Landon was a recipe for disaster."

"It's not like that," I say, then sigh. Who am I kidding, anyway? I might as well tell her - she is my best friend. I'd just been hoping to keep it under wraps for a bit longer, figure out what I actually think about it.

"What is it like, then?" she asks in a terrible light voice.

"OK, so we slept together," I say, "But it's nothing serious. We're still just figuring things out."

God, I even sound like a delusional idiot to my own ears.

Worst of all, Pompom is dead silent.

"I know," I say with a sigh. "But after he helped me out with the ride the other day, then he insisted on this dinner at Balsac's, and we ended up touring his office and... That happened."

"Well, it could be worse," she says. "You could've ended up with Crazy Rory."

"Thanks," I say.

Crazy Rory is one of Pompom's date horror stories - he ended up locking them both in his bedroom and refusing to let her leave since 'they' were watching and 'they' would question her for everything she knew about him.

"Listen," I say, "I know it was a stupid move, a mistake, but it's too late now. It happened. And I have to deal with it."

"Are you seeing him again?" she asks.

That's Pamela for you - cutting right through the shit. Maybe she has a silly nickname from her love of wearing hats with pompoms, but she sees things how they are.

"Just tomorrow," I say.

"Why?"

"I don't know," I say, even though I do.

"You're giving him another chance?"

"I don't want to think about it right now!" I exclaim, surprised at the vehemence in my voice. "Listen, Pompom, I don't need you to tell me that this is a bad idea, or to remind me what a dick Landon was - but he apologized, and I tried to resist, but this all just happened. And if I sit around being miserable and beating myself up about it, then I'm not going to be able to concentrate on this case or being a good mom. OK?"

"Got it," Pompom says. "Lips are sealed. But you still have to give me details. How was the dinner?"

"Amazing," I admit, pausing.

Surely, there's a way to explain it to Pamela, make her understand: our high-up spot in the most beautiful building I'd ever been in, the delicious food, the whirlwind tour after, how all of that paled when compared to the happy slant of his smile.

"Down for a movie night?" Pompom asks, breaking me out of my thoughts.

"Of course." I chuckle. "Couldn't you have just asked that first and we could talk about all this in person?"

"Nah." I can hear the grin in her voice. "I wanted details first. I'll be there in 10."

"See you!"

**

Next morning, he calls me just as I'm about to get Madison up and going. "Thought I'd give you a heads-up - the hearing for today's been postponed. My lawyer has started digging out Dad's files and wants me to take a look to see if she's missed anything."

"Oh." Is the settling in my chest relief or disappointment? I do love my job. "OK. Thanks for the heads-up."

"We still on for tonight?"

"OK," I say. "Just..."

"What?"

"It's all happening so fast."

"OK."

"Well..."

"What do you want me to say?" he growls. "That I'm sorry for what happened? Because I'm not. I'm glad I kissed you. I'm glad I took you out. I'm glad we slept together. All of it was great, and I want to see you again. What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing," I say.

Except that I don't want to be hurt again.

"Listen," he continues, "how about this: we meet up at the park, no pressure, just have a nice time together as friends. That OK?"

"Yeah," I find myself saying, "that sounds perfect."

"Great," he says. "Seven PM at Central Park?"

"Mom?" Madison says, padding into the kitchen in her bare feet and nightgown.

"One sec," I mouth to her.

"I've got to go," I tell Landon, "but yeah, seven works."

"Angry mailman?" Landon jokes.

"Goodbye," I say, then hang up.

I draw Madison into a hug - though it's more for me than her.

Close one, is the thought that comes to mind.

Ugh - close one what? Close to revealing to Landon that I have a daughter, like I should've done days ago?

I take a breath. Whatever I should or shouldn't have done, I'm here now with my daughter. It's time to get ready for school. Time to put Landon and all that aside. It's time for me to be present here with my daughter - 100%.

An hour of Cheerios, tooth brushing - "That wasn't five minutes, Maddy!" - lunch packing ("Not carrots again, Mom!"), and we're ready to go. Maddy bounces out of the car as eagerly as usual, although this time, she pauses. "Mom?"