Just Good Friends (Cheap Thrills 5)

“This little sperm will happily grace the ear of any wearer, regardless of their gender—”

“Awesome, a unisex cum tadpole,” he snickered, holding his hands up when I glared at him. “Please, continue.”

“The quality and amount of silver make it a hard-wearing—”

Garrett snorting as he looked down at his feet, shoulders shaking, interrupted me.

“—piece of jewelry. The flat back of the earring helps wearers with their comfort levels, as well as making sure it doesn’t get caught in hair or garments.”

A breathless wheeze sounded this time, and I growled at how the description sounded.

“This happy sperm will be the topic of conversation as he swims up the wearer’s ear, looking for a new hole to—” I lowered my phone, hitting the power button without finishing. “Know what, this is dumb. Okay, so I have a sperm swimming up my ear—”

“Technically, you have a hypoallergenic sperm in a hole in your ear,” he pointed out, his eyes shining as he held back his laughter.

Ignoring him, I finished, “But it could be worse, it could be…” I broke off, totally lost on an example of how much worse it could be.

“A vagina?” A deep male voice offered from inside the room we were standing outside of, making both of us turn to look inside.

There, handcuffed to a bed with a bandage covering one side of his face, was the biggest guy I’d ever seen—in every way possible. Literally, and by that, I mean that he was butt necked, barrel-chested, and had considerable girth all over. He was also covered in filth and grime and had a beard that hit halfway down his stomach with leaves tangled in it.

“Or a cock ‘n balls,” he added, the one eye visible looking to the side of the room. “Then again, you could put the cock first, in the next hole have the swimming cum, then have the vagina in the last hole. How many holes you got?”

“Uhh…” not sure what he meant by that, I took a step back and to the side, trying to hide behind Garrett. Only minutes ago, he’d been a pain in my ass, and now he was my human shield.

Reading my confusion correctly and ignoring my obvious discomfort, he clarified, “In your ear, girl.”

My hand raised without volition to the body part in question, and my finger went inside my ear, like that answered the question.

Rolling his eyes, big neanderthal man growled, “Piercings.”

Now that made more sense.

Leaning around Garrett, who was standing with his arms crossed in front of me, his muscles rigid as I leaned on him, I held up two fingers, and then for good measure, said the number out loud. “Two in each.”

In my defense, I wasn’t sure if he could see the fingers. Maybe he was short-sighted?

“Hmm, maybe just the sperm and vagina then,” he suggested.

Sighing, Garrett reached and put his arm around my back and pulled me into him, still facing the man. “As great as that suggestion is, maybe you shouldn’t make any more of them. Zuri’s here to take your blood for the doctor, not to discuss her piercings.”

“You were the one talking ‘bout how she had cum on her ear. I was just trying to find the silver lining,” he pointed out.

Leaving them to argue, I left to get the request from the doctor and then grabbed what I’d need to draw his blood.

As I got closer to the door, I heard Garrett talking to the man and almost dropped what I had in my hands.

“If you hadn’t driven your car into the woods and tried to drive through the trees, we wouldn’t be here,” Garrett sighed, making my lips twitch at how normal he sounded talking about someone doing something that crazy.

“Well, if you hadn’t been driving after me at such a high speed, I wouldn’t have tried to hide in the woods. Would I?”

“Ralph, your description matched one of a man who’d just run out of the store with a cart filled with condoms, lube, and tampons. That’s why I was trying to get you to pull over. Since we’ve been in here, we’ve been given close-ups from the security cameras of your face, and we’ve got footage showing you sweeping full shelves of all three items into the cart, running out the door, and a clear photo of your plates as it drove out of the parking lot.”

“Can’t help it if my woman gets horny on her period, and I don’t wanna knock her up. Anyway, if you look carefully, you’ll see I left a twenty on one of the shelves to cover it.”

“I’ll repeat—full shelves. Whole shelves,” Garrett argued, totally missing the two parts for the reason of the crime that struck me as a woman.

Firstly, period were nasty things, and a majority of women suffered when they had theirs. So, for a woman to feel horny and have sex during hers… I wasn’t sure if I admired her or wanted to shudder. The thought of anything going up my cooter while I was on mine really didn’t do anything for me apart from want to reach for some holy water.