Midnight Blue

I squeezed the length of my acoustic guitar. I’d stopped playing Tania at unplugged gigs years ago, but I still carried her everywhere—you don’t throw away your gran because she gets too old to bake your favorite pie. Tania was, after all, my first and only genuine friend. Indie caressed the fabric of her work in progress in circles, nodding.

“I always loved The Little Prince because it always felt like I, too, belong on another planet. Like I can barely even survive the world I live in and don’t necessarily understand why things are the way they are,” Indie licked her lips.

She tucked her chin to her chest, her eyelashes floating on her cheeks. I stared. Gulped. Averted my gaze. Fuck. She was beautiful. It was hard to believe she was the same girl from the Chateau Marmont. The one I’d looked at and seen a strange lass with a funny dress, weird hair, and a too-freckled face.

I looked down at my notepad and started writing.

Can you keep a secret?

Sometimes I look at you and all I see is regret

My little passion pit is out of this world

Dictates my every lyric and note and word

I do all the things I want to do to you in the dark

But time knows and sees and notices every mark

And sometimes I want you

But most times I don’t

I should leave you alone, but we both know I won’t.

I realized I was running out of paper, but the words kept on gushing out. They rushed in a stream, and I needed to capture them as they were. Desolate. Feral. Un-fucking-hinged. I grabbed Indie’s hand and pulled her into my body. She stumbled across the tight space between us right onto my lap, her mouth falling open. I didn’t care. It wasn’t about sex. It was art, and art was divine—it overruled everything. And this wasn’t even my bullshitter speaking. I actually believed that.

“I need you to take your dress off.” I tugged at the thick fabric of her frilly number.

Her eyes widened, and she jerked away. Oh, how I wished she were one of my groupies in that moment. But if she were, we wouldn’t be here. I wouldn’t be feeding off of her memories, and stories, and reveries. That was the thing about Stardust. She stood toe-to-toe with me, even though I was taller, stronger, richer. She made me feel…real.

“Here? Jesus H, please don’t tell me you’re drunk.” She looked around the hallway, checking that it was empty.

I gripped the hem of her dress and dragged her toward me, my eyes roaming, looking for the buttons or zipper or whatever to get her out of her dress.

“I need to write on something and my notepad is full. No one will see you. The lads are fast asleep, and Alfie’s girls only just arrived. Even that dickhead can keep them busy for at least twenty minutes. The whole floor is reserved for us. It’s just you and me, Stardust. I need your back.”

And your words.

And that song that kept playing in my head.

I’m the king with no subjects

The vain man with no crowd

The drunk twat who’s always so fucking loud

And you’re the rivers and mountains

Maybe even the oxygen itself

You’re the wind that carries me from place to place

The only high I always chase

“No.”

Inside, I screamed my frustration, but on the outside, I just looked at her with mild disinterest.

“No?”

“Just write on my arms. Better yet—on yours. They’re thicker.”

“Not enough space, and I need to break it into paragraphs.”

“No.”

“Why?” My eyelids were twitching. I was pretty sure that wasn’t a good sign.

“Because you slept with someone else yesterday.” She looked surprised at my even asking.

I licked my lips slowly before opening them, enjoying the way her gaze clung to them. “I didn’t sleep with Gina.”

“Huh?”

“Never intended to, either. I kissed her, right. But only to piss you off, and honestly, I don’t remember what she tasted like, just your reaction to it, which made my cock really fucking happy. The only person I want to fuck right now is you. The second I heard you across the hall banging your head against the door, I threw her in Alfie’s room and went into the bathroom for a quick wank. But don’t feel sorry for our little friend Gina. Alfie gave her what she needed and then some. I meant what I said, Stardust. I want to screw the words out of you. Just you. Until the end of this tour, it’s only you and me.”

The silence between us reminded me that seduction was like a game of Monopoly. It required patience, and planning, and reading your opponent. Just because I’d hit the jackpot and had a pocket stuffed with fake money didn’t mean shite.

She could still say no.

She could still win the game.

Not giving her the chance to deny me, I brought my callused palm to her back and rolled the zipper down. She let me, if for no other reason than the relief she felt knowing I hadn’t slept with that Aussie bird. Or maybe she finally understood what we were. Floating in the world, with no roots or ground or gravity. Mistakes, and sins, and errors were the bones of my kingdom. Everything felt different away from home, and so she allowed herself not to be herself, just for tonight. When the top portion of her dress slid down, Stardust turned around quickly, covering the small, perky tits I didn’t get the chance to see.