Endurance (The Sin Trilogy 4)

“A little more than five years.” Nursing is such a huge component of my life. Not having that piece of my identity for the last ten and a half months has left a void. I’m excited to get back in the saddle.

“It’s no wonder Jamie recruited you to be his nurse. You’ve probably seen a lot.”

“You have no idea.” You don’t really know what human beings are capable of until you see what comes through the ER.

“Your work at the infirmary is honorable, but it won’t continue if you become my wife.”

Whoa. Hold on just one mutha-humping minute. I don’t know this man. We’ve spoken all of two minutes and he thinks he’s going to tell me what I can and can’t do?

I understand my circumstances aren’t normal. I will be claimed by someone, but neither Logan or any other brother, owns me. No man, Fellowship or otherwise, will give me limitations.

“Logan, I’m twenty-eight years old. I took complete responsibility for myself when I was twenty-two so I’ve been doing as I damn well please for a while now. I’m not really in a place where I’m interested in obeying orders from anyone. Especially when it’s someone I don’t know.”

Logan smiles, appearing amused by my words. “Defiant much?”

Defiant doesn’t even begin to describe me. “I’m not obedient or compliant or submissive. At. All. If that’s what you want or expect in your mate, then you should probably reconsider making a claim on me.”

“Your resistance is fascinating. I’ve never been around a woman like you.” I’m sure he hasn’t from what Bleu has told me about Fellowship women in general.

“I’m confused by why you’d claim and marry me when you don’t know me at all.” What if he disliked me? What if we didn’t get along at all? It would be miserable for both of us and there’d be no way out.

“I’m not interested in any of The Fellowship women. And I miss being married.”

Divorce doesn’t exist in The Fellowship so there’s only one other alternative for why Logan is no longer married. “What happened to your wife?”

“The Order.”

Oh, God. His wife was murdered?

It’s yet another reminder of the true danger that accompanies becoming one of these people. Jamie’s concern for my well-being isn’t unfounded. My safety will always be at risk.

“We had just found out the week prior that she was pregnant with our first baby. We were so happy.”

Logan lost his wife and child. What do you say to that? “I’m so sorry.”

“I loved Emilia and our unborn child with all my heart. I’ve mourned their deaths for five years but it’s time to move on. I’m ready to take another wife and start my family.”

I could potentially end up with this man if Jamie doesn’t come around, and all I can think about is what a poor replacement I am for a woman and child he loved with all his heart. “I’m sorry for your loss, Logan, but I don’t understand this. By your own admission you were married to a woman you loved with all your heart. Why would you be willing to settle for a marriage with someone you don’t know?”

“My marriage to Emilia was arranged. I barely knew her when we wed, and I came to love her very much. I’m certain I would come to love you as well.”

Logan seems like a nice guy—and his offer is wonderful, considering the circumstances. After everything Logan has been through, though, he deserves a wife who isn’t in love with another man. “I think you can do better than me.”

“You need a Fellowship husband and I’m ready to take another wife. It makes sense for us to come together.” Logan touches the back of his hand to my face and drags it down my cheek. “I was immediately attracted to you. I think that’s a great start for a relationship.”

Everything about this feels wrong but I can’t tell Logan I’m in love with someone else.

Logan returns his hand to my lower back and pulls me closer. “Do you want children?”

“Yes.”

“I’ve proven I’m able to father children. And I’m ready for a family. We wouldn’t have to wait to conceive unless that’s what you wanted.”

Holy shit. Conceiving a baby? Are we really having this conversation three minutes after meeting for the first time?

“I’m sure you’d make a wonderful father.”

Claiming. Marriage. Babies. Every word coming out of Logan’s mouth is so archaic. What surprises me though is how this type of primitive language is actually becoming less and less strange the more I hear it.

The song comes to an end and another brother is standing at my side waiting for his turn to dance with me. Logan isn’t shy about giving him a glare I interpret as forget it because I’ve as good as claimed this one.

“Thank you for the dance, Ellison.” Logan brings my hand to his mouth and kisses the top. “I look forward to making my claim official.”

I might not know a lot about Logan, but he has made one thing very clear: he is possessive of his woman. And I’m guessing his next wife will never leave his sight after the end his first one met.

I recall this brother speaking up to voice an interest in me after Logan made his public announcement and intent to claim me.

“May I have the next dance, Miss Ellison?”

Dammit. I wanted a minute to myself so I could search the crowd for Jamie, but it’s clear that isn’t going to happen any time soon. In fact, I’m guessing I don’t get a moment of peace without some brother bugging me about a dance or a conversation.

“Of course.”

This brother doesn’t pull me close like Logan and I’m grateful. “I’m Alan Douglas, the pit boss at the casino.”

Ah. He’s the replacement for Todd Cockburn—Bleu’s biological father.

“It’s nice to meet you, Alan.”

“Are you enjoying Edinburgh?”

“I am. The wet weather is a bit of a change for me but I’ve fallen in love with Scotland. I definitely see why my sister had no problem with leaving the U.S. behind to move here.” Life is different here. Simpler. Better.

“I’m very fond of Miss Bleu.” Miss Bleu. That name makes her sound sweet and cute and innocent like a kindergarten teacher. She’s anything but sweet and cute and innocent.

“Becoming Fellowship was a good move for my sister. She fits in perfectly, much more than she ever did with people in Tennessee.” No doubt her smooth transition into the brotherhood is because it’s in her blood.

“I’ve never met a stronger woman than your sister.”

“She’s her own brand of an amazing lethal weapon. She has the ability and skills to kill a man with her bare hands. I highly doubt I’ll ever fit into The Fellowship as well as her but I’m going to try.”

“Don’t worry. You’re going to fit in with us just fine.”

“I hope so.” Because there’s no getting out if I don’t.

“Miss Bleu has been teaching my sisters how to defend themselves. I’ve been impressed with the way her strength and fierceness has rubbed off on them. She’s proven to be a true asset.”

“Yes, she is passionate when it comes to protecting the women of the brotherhood.” She saw a problem and spearheaded a crusade to make the women stronger. More resilient. More driven to be something besides a claimed woman who hid inside her home so she didn’t risk being attacked by The Order. She has given many Fellowship women the strength they didn’t have before.

“She’s respected and beloved by all.” This guy likes talking about Miss Bleu a little more than I’m comfortable with.

“My sister is pretty lovable.”

Alan is going on about how much of an asset Bleu is when I look over his shoulder and catch a glimpse of Jamie at the bar . . . with a woman by his side. A pretty blonde who appears intent on gaining his attention judging by the way her hand is petting his arm.

What. The. Actual. Fuck?

Kenrick from Duncan’s is behind the bar tonight. “Guinness for you?”

Kenrick has been serving me drinks for years and knows I’m typi

cally a Guinness man. But I’m not in a stout mood. I need something stronger to get me through what I’m forced to endure tonight. “Whisky.”

“Coming right up.”

I’m watching Ellison be pursued by brother number two of the night, and I want to rip his skinny arms out of their sockets.

Alan Douglas is a pit boss at the casino. I’d love to hear how the hell he proposes he’ll protect Ellison when he’s tied up all night at work. I’d also like to know if he plans to break his dirty habits—cocaine and cocktail waitresses—if Ellison becomes his wife.

Fuck. No.

She is not marrying a man who snorts coke and fucks any woman who will spread her legs for him.

I’ve been inconspicuous while watching Ellison. Controlled. Restrained. Careful to not appear angry. Careful to not look too long. Careful to not appear interested. But I swear to God if Alan moves his hand any lower on her back I’m going to go over and break it off his arm.

Everything about this is fucked up. I can’t stand watching Ellison with my brothers. But not looking would be so much worse.

“Jamie, can I have a minute?” Fuck. I know that voice, and I don’t have time to deal with her right now.

I turn around and I’m right. “Good evening, Adaira. What can I do for you?”