Endurance (The Sin Trilogy 4)

She nods and the movement causes the pooled tears in her eyes to dribble down her cheeks.

How did I get so lucky to marry a woman who loves me? Just like Sin has with Bleu, true fucking love, and something I never thought possible. Not only will she be mine, she will be mine by choice.

I kiss the wetness on both sides of her face before looking at her eyes. “Into me, you see.”

“Into me, you see.”

Alec Ferguson secures two metal chains around my wrists. “You and Sinclair don’t make things easy for me when you go and do this kind of thing.”

“How’s that?”

“Both of you are my leaders and your choices in women bring us to this. You couldn’t do me a favor and choose a nice Fellowship lass?” He chuckles.

“Sorry, Alec. I saw her and it was out of my control.”

“I understand, boss. Miss Ellison is a bonny one.” The chain tightens when he uses a pulley to lift my arms over my head and a searing pain ignites in my shoulder. “I don’t enjoy this. I want you to know that.”

“There’s no hard feelings, Alec. I understand it must be done. I knew that when I made the decision to take a non-Fellowship woman as my wife.”

“Ah, you’re marrying Miss Ellison? That won’t go over well with a lot of the brothers. I know a few who were looking to claim her.”

“They can kiss my arse. She’s mine.”

“Spoken like a true mate.”

“How many bairns do you have now?”

“Three. Just found out we have another on the way.”

I wonder if Ellison and I will be finding out we have one on the way.

“Congratulations.”

“We weren’t planning to have another so it was a wee bit of a surprise. It’s taken a little while to get over the shock but we’re very happy now. Shona is hoping for another girl to make it two boys and two girls.”

Two boys and two girls. I like that.

Alec pulls the chain until I’m on the tips of my toes. I can immediately tell how the muscles in my legs are going to burn. “I know ye’re familiar with the process,” Alec says.

“Very familiar.” Sin’s endurance was less than two years ago but I remember it like yesterday. I hope I black out from the pain quickly.

He locks the chain in place and I’m dangling like a punching bag. Fitting since that’s what I’m about to become.

Alec has a routine so I’m expecting the first blow when it lands on my lower back over my left kidney. “Uhh . . .”

Excruciating. It’s the only word I can think of to describe the pain. If I weren’t hanging from the ceiling like a punching bag, I’d fall on the floor into the fetal position. It’s for Ellison. And that makes it worth it. Every. Fucking. Bit.

“There are times when I really hate this job.”

The next jab is over my right lower back. I thought the first blow was bad but the pain with this one is even worse.

Positive imagery. It’s my only hope for making it through this shite.

I close my eyes and imagine my life with Ellison. I see flashes of our life together. Married. Making love. Her giving birth to our first child, maybe in the very near future.

Those beautiful pictures in my head get me through the punches to my back and gut. And then the first lash of the whip bites the skin of my upper back. “Fuck!”

“It’s not as bad if you relax,” Sin says. “The more you tense, the worse the pain.”

I almost forgot Thane, Sin, and Mitch were here.

“I’ll try, but fuck that stings.”

I inhale deeply and exhale slowly. I try to make my body as lax as possible while I imagine a little girl with an angelic smile and long nearly black hair the color of Ellison’s. I can even see the sections around her face kissed with curls.

The whip bites my skin again. It’s tolerable this time so I dig deeper into my mind to picture an image of our son. He’s a stout boy with my dark brown hair and Ellison’s exotic green eyes. I think he’s older than our daughter. A protective older brother. Yes. I like that very much. Someone to watch over my little angel and keep little Fellowship fuckers away from her.

Our children and Ellison’s smiling face. Those are the last things I see before the pain pushes me into a black oblivion.

“Here.” Bleu passes Harrison to me. “You can at least walk with Mr. Fretful if you’re going to keep pacing the floor.”

I kiss the top of my nephew’s head. Poor little guy has been fussy all evening. He’s not the only one unsettled around here. Can he sense my anxiety?

“It’s only been a couple hours. They aren’t going to come for you until morning so you might as well come away from the window.” It feels like it’s been much longer.

“I don’t know how to deal with this.” I’m going crazy imagining all the things Jamie must be enduring right now.

“It’s not easy being married to a Fellowship man.”

“It must be ten times worse with Sin being a leader.” Bleu must be a mess every time he walks out the door.

“I’m always terrified for him so I’m really happy about the peace treaty with The Order. It puts everyone in less danger—especially the council members.”

I’m such an idiot. “I’ve been so naïve to believe Jamie was in less danger because he’s The Fellowship doctor and wouldn’t be fighting in the field. That’s not the case at all. His seat on the council will always make him a target.”

“It will but you can take comfort in knowing he’s in less danger now than he was before the treaty.”

Harrison puts his head on my shoulder and his thumb goes into his mouth.

“The patented thumb suck.”

“He’ll be going down soon.”

I can’t believe I could actually have one of these growing inside me right now.

“Jamie and I didn’t know Westlyn and Mitch were going to volunteer. We thought there was a chance Kieran would choose me as his wife. If he did, we knew there was nothing we could do about it so we decided to take a proactive approach to end any prospect of him choosing me.”

“I’m scared to ask but I’m going to anyway. What did you do?”

“It’s possible we just spent the last three days trying to get pregnant.”

Bleu wrinkles her brow. “You’re on the pill.”

“I was on the pill.”

“When did you come off?”

“A week ago—when I was kidnapped.”

“Hmm. You’re the nurse and Jamie’s the doctor, but I don’t think it happens like that. A week off hormonal birth control doesn’t sound like long enough to get pregnant.”

Bleu has done a lot of research about fertility but not the typical kind where in vitro isn’t required.

“We know it could be a hit or miss but we sure gave it our all in the event that I did ovulate.”

“I’m a bit confused. How would spending the last three days trying to get pregnant keep Kieran from choosing you as his wife tonight? You won’t know if you’re pregnant for a couple weeks.”

“Kieran could have Jamie’s claim on me undone because we aren’t married yet. But he can’t undo a baby so we were planning to lie and then hope for two lines when I peed on the stick.”

“And then you never got the chance to lie because Westlyn and Mitch volunteered for the marriage treaty.” Bleu cackles. “Shit, Elli. A baby is a really drastic solution for a problem you ended up not having.”

I’m sure it sounds like a crazy plan now the trouble is over, but the threat of being forced to marry Kieran was very real up until a few hours ago.

“It was a drastic situation . . . until it wasn’t. And then I had this oh, shit moment.” I may still be having an oh, shit moment.

“What did Jamie say?”

“He said that he would be very okay with me being pregnant. Either way, we’re getting married.”

“Do you want to have a baby right now?”

I rock back and forth from one foot to the

other, swaying Harrison. “Part of me does. But then the other part sees how tough parenting is when I look at you, Sin, and the babies and it makes me want to wait.”

“We have extraordinary circumstances. Our household is a clusterfuck most days. Don’t speculate about what you think your life would be like based upon what you see in us or you’ll never have children.”

“I know it wouldn’t be as chaotic as this.”

I turn so Bleu can see Harrison’s face. “Is he asleep?”

“Mr. Fretful is out cold.”

Bleu and the babies go down for the night but there’s no hope of me sleeping a single minute. I couldn’t doze if I tried. I’m too busy living through a real life nightmare.

The sun is rising when my phone buzzes.

Sterling is on the way.

I go to Bleu’s bedroom and gently shake her awake. “Bleu.” I whisper because I see Harrison weaseled his way into the bed with his mom sometime during the night.

“It’s time?”

“Yes. Sterling is on the way.”

“Okay.” She sits up and rubs her eyes. “I’ll call Isobel.”

“Already here. She came about an hour ago and went back to sleep in the guest room. She said she knew things would move quickly once they sent someone for me. She didn’t want us to have to wait on her to get here.” I’m so grateful Isobel offered to keep the babies so Bleu could go with me.

“God, she’s an amazing mother-in-law. I don’t know what I’d do without her.”