Castles (Crown's Spies #4)

"No."

"Why, in heaven's name, not?"

He let out a sigh. "It would be the same as a loan."

"It would not," she argued. "Caine and your father would make a handsome profit eventually. It would be a sound investment."

"Why did you send for Winters?"

He was deliberately changing the topic on her. She wasn't ready to let him. "Has Nathan given permission for this sale?"

"Yes."

"And when will you decide?"

"I've already decided. I'll have Dreyson handle the transaction. Now, enough about this. Answer my question. Why did you send for Winters?"

"I already explained," she began. "My throat…"

"I know," Colin said. "You had a scratch in your throat."

Alesandra was folding and refolding her napkin. "Actually it was a little tickle."

"Yes," he agreed. "Now I want you to tell me the truth. And look at me while you explain."

She dropped the napkin in her lap and finally looked up at him. "It's rude of you to suggest I would lie."

"Did you?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because if I told you the truth, you'd become irritated with me."

"You will not lie to me in future, wife. Give me your word."

"You lied to me."

"When?"

"When you told me you didn't work for Sir Richards any longer. I saw the cash entries in the ledgers, Colin, and I heard him talk to you about a new assignment. Yes, you lied to me. If you give me your promise not to lie in future, I'll be happy to give you my word."

"Alesandra, it isn't at all the same."

"No, it isn't."

She was suddenly furious with her husband. She tossed the napkin down on the table just as Flannaghan came through the swinging door with a tray laden with food in his hands. "I don't take risks, Colin. You do. You don't give a twit about me, do you?"

She didn't give him time to answer her question but rushed on. "You've deliberately involved yourself in danger. I would never do such a thing. Now that we are married, I not only think about my well-being, I think about yours. If something happened to you, I would be devastated. Yet if something happened to me, I believe you would only be mildly inconvenienced. My funeral would force you to put your work aside for a few hours. Do excuse me, sir, before I say something more I know I'll regret."

She didn't wait for his permission to leave the table. She ignored his command to sit back down, too, and ran all the way up to her bedroom. She wanted to vent her frustration by slamming the door shut. She didn't give in to that urge, however, for it wouldn't be dignified.

Thankfully, Colin didn't follow her. Alesandra needed to be alone now so she could get a grip on her own rioting emotions. She was a bit stunned she'd become so angry with Colin so quickly. She wasn't Colin's keeper, she told herself. If he wanted to work for Richards, she couldn't and wouldn't try to talk him into quitting. But he shouldn't want to take such risks, she decided. If he cared at all about her, he wouldn't deliberately hurt her this way.

Alesandra tried to walk the anger away. She paced back and forth in front of the hearth for a good ten minutes, muttering all the while.

"Mother Superior would never place herself in danger. She knew how I depended upon her and she never would have taken risks. She loved me, damn it."

Even though she wasn't Catholic, Alesandra still made the sign of the cross after muttering that blasphemy.

"I doubt Richards would ask the nun to work for him, Alesandra."

Colin made that comment from the doorway. She had been so intent on her ranting and raving she hadn't heard the door open. She turned around and found her husband lounging against the frame. His arms were casually folded across his chest. He was smiling, but it was the tenderness she saw in his eyes that almost did her in. "Your amusement displeases me."

"Your behavior displeases me," he countered. "Why didn't you tell me you were upset about all this business with Richards?"

"I didn't know I was."

He raised an eyebrow over that odd admission. "Do you want me to quit?"

She started to nod, then changed her mind and shook her head instead. "I want you to want to quit. There's a difference, Colin. God willing, someday you might understand."

"Help me understand now."

She turned around to face the hearth before she spoke again. "I never would have taken deliberate risks while I lived at the convent—at least, not after the lesson I learned. There was a fire, you see, and I was trapped inside. I got out just as the roof collapsed. Mother Superior was beside herself with worry. She actually wept. She was so thankful I was all right and so furious with me because I'd taken one of the candles out of the holder so I could read Victoria's letter instead of praying like I was supposed to be doing… and I

felt terrible because I'd caused her so much distress. The fire was an accident, but I made a promise to myself not to act foolish again."

"How did you act foolish if it was an accident?"

"I kept going back inside to save the pictures and the smaller statues the nuns put such store in."

"That was foolish."

"Yes."

"The mother superior loved you like a daughter, didn't she?"

Alesandra nodded.

"And you loved her."

"Yes."

A long minute passed in silence. "With love comes responsibility," she whispered. "I didn't realize that truth until I saw how upset Mother was with me."

"Do you love me, Alesandra?"

He'd cut right to the heart of the matter. She turned around to face him just as he pulled away from the doorway and started walking toward her. She immediately started backing away.

"I do not wish to love you."

The panic in her voice didn't stop him. "Do you love me?" he asked again.

It was a blessing there wasn't a fire burning in the hearth tonight. Her gown would have gone up in flames by now because she'd backed herself up against the stones.

Was she trying to get away from him or from his probing question? Colin wasn't certain. He was relentless, however, in his attempt to make her answer him. He wanted… no, he needed to hear her admit the truth.

"Answer me, Alesandra."

She suddenly quit trying to get away from him. She folded her arms in front of her and walked over to stand directly in front of him. Her head was tilted all the way back so she could look into his eyes.

"Yes."

"Yes, what?"

"Yes, I love you."

His satisfied grin said it all. He didn't seem at all surprised, and that thoroughly confused her.

"You already knew I loved you, didn't you?"

He slowly nodded. She shook her head. "How could you know when I didn't?"

He tried to take her into his arms. She quickly backed up a step. "Oh, no you don't. You want to kiss me, don't you? Then I'll forget my every thought. You will answer me first,

Colin."

He wouldn't be denied. He pulled her into his arms, nudged her chin up, and kissed her long and hard. His tongue swept inside to rub against her own. She let out a loud sigh when he finally lifted his head. She collapsed against his chest and closed her eyes. His arms were wrapped around her waist. He hugged her tight and let his chin drop to rest on the top of her head.

It felt so damn good to hold her. The end of his workday was now something he looked forward to, because he knew she would be home waiting for him.

It suddenly dawned on Colin that he liked having a wife. Not just any wife, he qualified to himself. Alesandra. He used to dread the evenings, and all because the pain in his leg was usually excruciating by then. His gentle little bride had taken his mind off his aches, however. She exasperated him and she enchanted him, and he was usually so busy reacting to her, there wasn't room in his mind for anything else.

And she loved him.

"Now I'll answer your question," he said in a husky whisper she found wonderfully appealing.

"What question?"

He laughed. "You really do forget your every thought when I touch you, don't you?"

"You needn't sound so happy over that shameful fact. You're above such behavior though, aren't you? Why, I imagine you're full of thoughts while you're kissing me."

"Yes, I am."

"Oh." She sounded crestfallen.

"And every one of them is centered on what I want to do to you with my mouth, my hands, my…"

She reached up and clamped her hand over his mouth as a precaution against hearing something indelicate. Her reaction made Colin laugh again.

He pulled her hand away and said, "You wondered when I realized you loved me."

"Yes, I did wonder."

"It was on our wedding night," he explained. "The way you responded to me made it obvious you were in love with me."

She shook her head. "It wasn't obvious to me."

"Sure it was, sweetheart," he replied. "You couldn't hold anything back. Your every reaction was so damn honest. You couldn't have let yourself go that completely unless you loved me."

"Colin?"

"Yes?"

"You really should do something about your arrogance It's getting out of hand."

"You like my arrogance."

She didn't reply to that outrageous remark. "I won't interfere in your schedule, Colin. I promise you."

"I never thought you would," he replied, smiling because she'd sounded so fervent.

"You haven't changed your plan, have you? You still need five full years before you…" She didn't go on.

"Before I what?"

Before you turn your attention to falling in love with your wife, you dolt, she thought to herself. And children, she added. In five years he would probably decide to have one or two. She wondered if she would be too old to have babies by then.

She definitely couldn't have one now. A baby would put too much pressure on Colin. Why, look how his partner, Nathan, had changed. He was now willing to do something he'd found unacceptable before. Selling stock was certainly a last resort, and it was the birth of his daughter that had changed his mind.

"Alesandra, before I what?" Colin asked again. The wistfulness in her voice puzzled him.

"Before you reach your goals," she blurted out.

"Yes," Colin said. "It's still five years."

He made that comment on his way over to the bed. He sat down on the side and bent to take his shoes off. "I didn't realize you were worried about my working for Richards," he said, turning the topic back to that issue. "You should have said something."

He tossed his shoes and socks aside, then turned his attention to his shirt. "And you were right when you said we're both responsible for each other. I haven't taken the time to consider your feelings. I'm sorry about that."

She watched him pull his shirt out of his waistband and work it up over his head. She couldn't take her gaze off him. She hung on his every word, hoping he would tell her how he felt about her. She didn't have enough gumption to ask him if he loved her. Colin hadn't had any problem asking her, she thought to herself. But then, he already knew her answer.

She didn't know his.

She had to shake her head over her own fanciful thoughts. Men didn't think about such things as love, or at least she didn't think they did. If Colin hadn't taken the time to consider her feelings regarding his dangerous work for Richards, why in heaven's name would he take the time to think about loving her? His mind was already completely full with his plans to build his company into an empire, and there simply wasn't room for anything else.

Alesandra straightened her shoulders and her resolve. She reminded herself that she found her husband's dedication admirable. She could be patient. Colin would get around to her in five years or so.

He drew her attention away from her thoughts when he said, "I've given my word to Richards I'd pass on a few papers for him." He paused to toss his shirt on the chair and stood up. "As for the other assignment I was offered, I'll let Morgan have it. In truth, I'd already decided against taking on the mission because it would have meant I'd have to be away from London for at least two weeks, possibly even three. Borders could have handled the office, of course, but I didn't want to leave you alone."

She thought that was the sweetest thing Colin had ever said to her. He would have missed her. She decided she wanted to hear him say the words.

"Why didn't you want to leave me alone?"

"Because of the policy, of course."

Her shoulders slumped. "Stefan and Raymond could watch out for me."

"You're my responsibility, Alesandra."

"But I don't wish to be your responsibility," she muttered. "You have enough on your mind. You don't need to add me to your list."

He didn't remark on that little speech. He unbuttoned his pants and stripped out of the rest of his clothes.

Her thoughts became fragments. She couldn't stop staring at her husband. Lord, he was magnificent. He was what she envisioned a warlord from bygone days must have looked like. Colin was all muscle, all power, and he had such sleek, smooth lines.

She followed him with her gaze as he crossed the room and bolted the bedroom door. He walked past her again on his way back to the bed. He pulled the covers back, straightened back up, and crooked his finger at her.

She didn't hesitate. She walked over to stand directly in front of him. Her hands were demurely folded in front of her. She looked serene, composed, but Colin knew better. The pulse in the base of her neck was beating frantically. He noticed when he lifted her hair away from her neck and bent down to kiss her.

She started to undress. Colin gently pushed her hands away from the bodice of her gown. "Let me," he whispered.

Her hands dropped back down to her sides. Colin was much quicker getting her clothes off than she was. He wasn't nearly as careful though. He didn't take the time to fold her garments but tossed them in a heap on top of his shirt. He was anxious to get to her bare skin. He noticed his hands shook when he untied the lace ribbon holding the neckline of her chemise in place and smiled over his lack of discipline.

He was surprised by his own quick response to her. His breathing was already ragged, his heartbeat was slamming inside his chest, and he hadn't even touched her yet—at least, not the way he wanted to touch her. Anticipation made him hard, aching.