Richard

I wasn’t even sure where I’d be stationed, all I knew is that I’d be away from the things that would tempt me to be my old self. I could only hope my absence would make everything better for Gwen. Perhaps the interviews had helped and perhaps just maybe she’d find it in her heart to forgive me for what I’d done, but I imagined something like that was a long way away.

I stepped out of the cab as it dropped me off right outside of the recruitment office, breathing in the crowded London air as I tried to push through the crowd of people that was moving to catch the next light on the crosswalk.

I wasn’t sure why, but every step felt like I was pushing against a wind, as though something wanted to keep me out, to warn me away. Maybe I was being foolish, giving in to a deep seated sense that somewhere in the universe there was some force pulling us toward a certain goal. Fate.

But if fate had any meaning then how could something so cruelly pull me from the one woman that I knew was the only one that I’d ever feel any true manner of love for. Fate was a joke, and a sick one at that if it kept me and Gwen apart.

You did that, I reminded myself. Fate had nothing to do with it.

But despite my assurance that only my foolish actions had lead me to where I was, I couldn’t help but hesitate as I reached out for the handle for the recruitment office door. I don’t know what I did it, honestly there was no logical reason to have done it at all, but for a second I stopped before I touched the handle and went inside.

“Tristan!”

The voice stopped me dead in my tracks, my entire body frozen in time as I let that name wash over me like a wave from the ocean. I knew that voice, I’d hoped to hear that voice one last time before I left, but knew that I’d never have that chance again. At least that was what I thought.

I turned toward Gwendolyn’s voice, my mind still in shock from even the vaguest possibility of seeing her again. I almost thought that I’d gone mad, crazed at the idea of her even considering seeing me again. I couldn’t believe it, but there she was.

She wove her way through the crowd of people toward me, trying to keep my attention, my hand only an inch away from the handle of the door. It all felt like a dream. None of it felt real.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, staring down into her gorgeous eyes. I felt like I was going to be sick with guilt just looking at her. All the thoughts of what I’d done kept flooding back to me—how she’d even managed to stand the thought of seeing me again was beyond me.

“I saw the interview,” she said, reaching up to gently caress my face with her soft fingers. “I heard everything that you said… and I know that you lied to protect my reputation. And I wanted to tell you that I appreciated it.”

At least there’s that, I thought ruefully. I gave her a half-hearted smile as I stepped away from the door to allow another person to make their way inside to sign their life away as well. The longer I had to consider what I was doing the less I actually wanted to go through with it. Seeing Gwen brought back feelings that I knew I needed to suppress,

“I’m just happy that I could do that for you at least, even if everything that happened was my fault,” I said, swallowing hard to fight back something akin to tears. I couldn’t let her see me shrink away from this, after everything that I’d done, she deserved to be as far from me as I could get. I wasn’t the kind of man that she deserved.

“There’s more than that,” she whispered, taking a step closer. I looked deep into her eyes, my heart aching to feel those soft lips against mine, like fruit from the forbidden tree. I wanted to toss all pretense aside and take her into my arms like I’d been dreaming since I saw her that first night in her office. “I know that you still care about me.”

“Of course I do,” I said, taking a breath to calm myself and my quaking nerves. I care for Gwen more than anything, which was why I had to make sure that I was far away from her or anyone else that I cared about. I was toxic, and she’s said as much. So why was she here now when if she’d only waited I’d have been out of her life for another decade or more. “I wouldn’t be doing this otherwise.”

“Rejoining the army?” she asked, her eyebrows raised. “You really think that’s what you want?”

Of course it wasn’t. I had hated my time in the army with such conviction that I’d almost made a game of how much it would take to have me thrown out. But I knew that a life in the military would at least keep me grounded, with a sense of purpose that could not have been seen as more respectable than to strive and possibly put oneself in danger for their country.

“It isn’t about what I want,” I said, shaking my head as I turned away from her touch against my cheek. How could she expect me not to go through with this after everything that had happened? This was my penance, the only chance that either of us had for any sense of happiness. “This is about what needs to happen.”

“Look at you, sounding like a grown-up,” she teased, and I couldn’t understand where her sudden change of attitude had come from. I’d ruined her life only days before and now she was flirting? “Maybe there is another way that you could make up just how awful you’ve been to me lately. A way that I think both of us would enjoy.”

“What has gotten into you?”

“I want to be with you,” she said, looking up into my eyes. “Permanently.”

“How can we do that when every newspaper in town would be hounding us everywhere we went?” I asked. “It would be a zoo, and your reputation is already at risk as it is!”

“That would be true if we were planning on staying in London,” she said, smiling mischievously up at me.

“Where the hell else would we go? Our entire lives are here!”

“Then we can make new lives,” she said, her hands sliding over my sides. “Somewhere that they don’t know us or care who we are to one another.”

“Your business,” I said, unsure where this sudden willingness to abandon her carefully constructed life had come from.

“My business will survive, Tristan, don’t worry,” she said, smiling up at me calmly as her hands caressed my hip. “And Tina can step into my place as CEO. She’s handled the company better than I could have through this whole thing. She’s ready and I have every confidence in her.”

“But what about everything you said?” I asked, still trying to process the fact that we were even having this conversation after the last few days’ events. A rollercoaster had fewer hills and valleys than this relationship had, and things had certainly been said that would be hard to take back. “I thought that I was an asshole and that you never wanted to see me again.”

“You still are an asshole,” she giggled, biting on her lip as she looked. “But you did something that no one has ever done for me, you gave up what you wanted—everything you wanted—so that I wouldn’t be hurt by our mistake.”

“So we’re still a mistake then,” I said, shaking my head in frustration. “I don’t understand why you’re here, Gwen. What is it you want?”

“You, Tristan,” she said, “I want you.”

“How can you after everything that’s happened? You reputation will—”

“I was wrong,” she whispered. “And so long as we’re still in London we’ll be getting looks for the way that we feel for one another. I want to go away—with you.”

“What? Where could we possibly go? Everything we have is here in London,” I said, looking all around. “Your whole entire business is here.”

“Tina can handle everything,” she assured me again, caressing my cheek. “And as far as location… I was thinking that France would be fun.”

“We’re moving very fast,” I said, eyebrows raised, wary of the sudden speed that we were moving. I loved her, but this eagerness to bind ourselves together was hard for me to handle. I was never used to women actually wanting to tie themselves down to a guy like me. “Moving to some foreign country together? Living together?”

“We have a few years of lost time to make up,” she whispered before press