Nothing.
Wait, nothing?
My wallet! My wallet was gone, too! I’d just had it when I’d applied for my library card and I’d put it back into my purse, right before I walked outside and bumped into the man.
“No!” I screamed, piercing panic gripping my heart.
The man! He must have pick pocketed me! Maria had warned me about that, but I never thought it was really a thing that happened.
I looked around for Max but there were so many cars and people swirling around I couldn’t really focus on any one thing.
What now? I thought. I don’t have a phone. No money, no bank cards. At least my house keys were still in my pocket, but I didn’t even know how to walk back home from here.
I’d never felt so lost in my life.
What the hell was I doing here? I thought. This wasn’t me, this wasn’t my life. This was someone else’s life. I didn’t belong here. I had no idea how to get around, how to even live here without the help of someone else.
I missed my independence. I missed my home town. I missed my friends, my apartment, my sense of fucking direction.
Grabbing the books, I took off walking. I figured if I just kept walking with the flow of traffic, maybe I’d see something I recognized, or I’d figure out a solution eventually. But Max and Bear had driven me everywhere since I’d arrived and I’d not paid much attention at all to my surroundings.
So dumb! I thought, as I stumbled through the slush. What was I thinking?
The sound of a horn blaring made me almost jump out of my skin.
“Miss McDonnell?” I heard a voice yell. I looked towards it and almost started crying when I saw Max creeping up next to me. “Miss McDonnell, get in, I can’t pull over here!”
I ran over to him and jumped in the back seat, my books falling to my feet.
“Max!” I cried, “Thank you!”
“Miss, I’m so sorry, I thought you were going to call me. The NYPD doesn’t let us wait outside the library anymore.”
“I lost my phone!” I said. “Well, I think it was stolen, actually. My wallet is gone, too.”
“Oh, no! The grifters have been bad this year, I heard.”
“I’m just so glad to see you!” I said. “I didn’t know what I was going to do.”
“Well, you’re safe now. Do you want to go home now?”
“Yes, please,” I said, sinking back into the seat breathlessly, thanking my lucky stars he’d seen me. “Thank you again, Max.”
“My pleasure, miss.”
* * *
My afternoon consisted of a three hour trip to the DMV to get a new ID and another hour spent on the phone canceling my credit cards. By the time I was done, my day was shot.
Later that night, I was pouring over the books I’d checked out, feeling like a total fraud. I didn’t really even know the difference between art deco or art nouveau. And there was so much to learn!
Bohemian, Industrial, Mid-Century Modern, Nautical, Scandinavian, Farmhouse, Urban Modern, Shabby Chic, it went on and on and on. After hours of research, I still had no clue which direction to go in.
With all the other confusion I was experiencing when it came to Bear, I was ready to hang up my hat.
You just have to tell him, I told myself. Tell him it’s too much, the job, his fetish, his fucking dungeon. I guess that’s what it was, right? A fetish. It’s not like he was licking my toes and asking me to have sex in a park so everyone could see. I mean, not yet. Who knew what was coming at this point? But this was definitely not normal, as far as I could tell.
I laid on my bed, staring up at the ceiling, trying to make sense of it all.
It wasn’t that everything I’d experienced wasn’t amazing and eye-opening. But this was Bear’s life and I was merely playing a part in it. I hadn’t gone out seeking these bruises on my ass. I hadn’t asked him to tie me up or to blindfold me or to use those whips on me or to do any of those things.
I’d not asked for any of it. Maybe that’s why I wasn’t sure if this was right for me. I’d never even had a spanking fantasy before I met Bear. Maybe if I had more time to think about it, to develop an appreciation for it a little more slowly.
How in the world did he ever see something in myself that I didn’t know existed?
How was that possible?
My phone buzzed next to me and I saw it was Marie calling. I sighed, throwing the phone back on the bed. I didn’t have the energy to talk to her right now. She was always so sure of herself, so confident and happy. The last thing I needed was to hear her chipper cheerleading.
I don’t know what I needed, really.
Maybe I needed to just buck up and believe in myself, but that was hard to do when you were just plopped into a job you knew nothing about.
Or, maybe, just maybe, I needed to cut my losses.
Tuck tail and head home.
Home to the rain and my friends and all the tree lined streets that I knew like the back of my hand. Maybe I’d be happier if I went home to everything that was familiar and easy and real.
My phone beeped to tell me Marie left a voicemail. I hit the button to listen to it and her voice began chirping through my room.
“Hey girl, where are you?” she said. “I know your phone is right there next to you, unless of course, you’re preoccupied with that beasty Bear of yours! Listen, I just wanted to give you a heads up. Jessica’s friend Sally mentioned to Harlan that you moved to New York. Apparently, he’s pissed you left without telling him. He might be on his way to find you. Anyway, watch your back, okay? I don’t trust that guy. Call me when you can. Love you!”
Silence filled my room as the voicemail shut off. Harlan’s face flashed in my head and I groaned. The last thing I needed was to be forced to deal with him. Luckily, this city was massive and he wasn’t going to be able to just find me down at the corner pub like he would in Portland. I wasn’t too worried about him. I was pretty sure he’d have given up on me by now, but I guess some people take a little more time than others.
My phone buzzed again and I groaned, thinking it would be Marie again, but it wasn’t.
It was Bear.
“Hey,” I answered.
“Beauty!” he said. “I just inked a huge deal and I want to celebrate!”
“Celebrate?” I asked, looking at the clock. It was past nine.
“Yes!” he said. “Put your party dress on, baby! I’ll pick you up in half an hour!”
“Half an—,” the phone clicked and he was gone.
Jesus! What if I didn’t want to go dancing? I’d already had a few glasses of wine, I was in my pajamas and to
tally looking forward to a warm night of snuggling up and feeling sorry for myself.
“Shit,” I muttered, getting out of bed and heading to the closet. I pulled out a sparkly cocktail dress I’d bought, some shimmering tights and a pair of stilettos. I got dressed, remembering to keep the panties in the drawer and went to the bathroom to try to make sense of my hair and makeup.
I was puffy, I’d been crying and I looked like I’d just lost my best friend.
“Perk up, buttercup!” I said to the mirror. I took a deep breath, sprayed dry shampoo all over my hair and put it up in a bun. Luckily, the makeup covered up all traces of the sad girl from before and I grabbed a coat and waited for Bear to arrive.
Chapter 26
The club was insanely loud, the techno music pumping through the place and sending sickening bass sounds straight to my gut. Bear grabbed my hand and led me to a back room that by the looks of the way it was separated from the rest of the place, meant it was probably a VIP area.
We sat in a booth overlooking the rest of the club and he ordered drinks when the waitress appeared. I couldn’t hear a thing they said, though, and all I could do was hope he ordered water for me, instead of something alcoholic.
The crowd was huge, and the dance floor was small, making for a very entertaining situation to watch as people tried to dance without running into each other. It didn’t work.
Most people danced with their hands waving in the air, leaving their boobs and butts and everything else fair game to be rubbed up on.
I turned to Bear and screamed.
“Do you come here often?” I asked.
“What?” he screamed back.
“You come here a lot?” I yelled again.
“Did you ask if I like tator-tots?” he yelled.
I rolled my eyes. This was useless. I shook my head and gave up any attempt at conversation. He shrugged and smiled, putting his hand on my thigh and brushing a kiss across my cheek.
The waitress came back and I cringed when I saw her set an entire bottle of champagne in front of us. I guess Bear really did want to celebrate. He’d told me a little about the deal he’d closed today in the car on the way over. It was some huge office building in Brooklyn that had been fraught with complications of every kind that he’d been trying to work through for years. Today, he’d finally gotten through all the red tape and it was his to do with as he pleased.