Sins of Sevin

“What are you talking about?”

“People assume I’m so naïve. As much as I try to be good, I’m not stupid. Look at him. I know he’s not a virgin. I know he’s been with girls. I think he even tried to confess it to me one time, but I honestly don’t want to know.”

“What are you getting at?”

“I really think that he’s just not used to having to wait like this. To be honest, I’m really starting to grow impatient, too. We’re engaged. We should be able to do certain things.”

“What exactly are you saying?”

“I’m saying I want to give myself to him.”

My heart started to race. “Don’t you think you’re rushing into things? You’re getting married in a few months. What’s the difference?”

“The difference is…I’m not sure Sevin is fully comfortable committing to me without knowing whether we connect well in that area. I don’t think anyone has ever made him wait like this, and I think it’s taking a toll on him and making him doubt us.”

“So, you’re going to start having sex with him?”

“Well, maybe not instantly. But I want to let him know that I’m open to letting him try things, giving up control of my body to him.”

A rush of adrenaline hit me. “Have you tried anything up until now?”

“Not aside from the kiss.”

Relief.

“You feel like you’re ready for this?”

“What’s the difference? I’m going to be marrying him soon anyway. Mama and Daddy would kill me if they knew I was considering breaking the rules, but what they don’t know won’t hurt them. It’s more important for me to keep Sevin happy at this point. That has to be my number one priority. I don’t want to lose him.”

A battle between good and evil ensued within me: the good sister versus the jealous sister. “I don’t know what to say. I wasn’t expecting this from you. You’ve been so diligent about sticking to the rules. This is just a little bit of a shock.”

“I just want your support and honesty. Do you think it’s a bad idea?”

Breathing in and out, I said, “I think you need to do what you feel you have to.”

“Are you going to stick to the rules with Callum?”

“I haven’t thought about it. It’s too soon.”

“He’s a really nice guy, Evangeline.”

“Yeah. He is.”

“Just think…this time next year, you and I will both be married. Who knows, maybe even a baby on the way.”

“Who? Me?”

“Or me.” She smiled.

I felt sick.

“You want kids that soon?”

Elle looked truly surprised. “You don’t?”

“No. I feel like I’d need more time to enjoy married life first. Kids are a big responsibility, and once you have them, that’s it; there’s no going back.”

“I can’t wait to be pregnant with his baby. Our kids are gonna be beautiful if they look anything like him with that bone structure, olive skin and dark hair.”

Unable to listen to any more of this, I suddenly got up.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

“Yeah. I’m fine. All this talk of marriage and babies…I’m just not there yet, Elle.”

“I didn’t mean to scare you. I’m sure Callum will understand if you want to take things slowly.”

“I hope so.”

“Anyway, I just wanted to tell you about my decision.”

***

I never joined my family for dinner that night. Making up a fake illness, I stayed in my room and ruminated in my intense state of jealousy. I didn’t know what came over me. Sevin and Elle’s imminent marriage meant that their having sex was inevitable. Deep down, I’d known that but had apparently been in denial.

The hope was always that I’d be able to get myself out of this obsession with Sevin before the wedding. Now that Elle was planning to take things to another level with him sooner—at any given moment—I would have no time to adjust, no time to get over my feelings before that happened.

The mere idea of them having sex made me sick. It was starting to really become clear that this reaction wasn’t going to just magically go away in a matter of months. Panic started to set in. My first thought was that I needed to stop things between them from happening. I was so disappointed in myself for even thinking so selfishly.

The entire night, I tossed and turned, attempting to block out unwanted images of them naked together. My time alone with Sevin in the basement kept replaying in my mind, too. He’d laid everything out on the line.

He’d told me he thought he might be falling in love with me.

This situation had become more serious than I ever imagined.

I needed to talk to someone, and there was only one person I could trust.

***

The next day, I snuck out of work and rode my bike to Addy’s. She was in the garage in the middle of rotating a set of tires when I walked in. The smell of grease was always oddly like home to me.

She wiped her hands on her navy mechanic’s jumpsuit. “Vangie, I didn’t know you were coming by so early in the day.”

“I’m supposed to be working at the plant. I have to get back soon, but I really needed to talk to you.”

“It’s almost lunchtime anyway. Let’s head inside the house.”