Restraint (Mason Family 1)

Until now.

Holt challenges me. He makes me think about who I am and how I want to be. He pushes me and asks questions, and I like this version of myself better than the Blaire I was when I ran into him at the airport.

Being with him doesn’t feel weak. Or dangerous. I don’t feel like I’m carrying a shield around all day to fend off the enemy.

I can breathe. But how do I say that to Sienna?

I don’t know.

I don’t even know what all of this means. I’m just not ready to go back to Chicago and think of this whole thing in the past tense.

“We talk like friends and kiss like lovers,” I say wistfully. “It’s usually one or the other.”

“I understand.”

“I can see myself differently around him. I see my strengths but also my weaknesses without feeling judged. I’m a better version of me.” I smile to myself. “He walked into my life as if he belonged here. Imagining him not being here hurts.”

Sienna sucks in a breath. “Blaire …”

“Does that sound ridiculous?”

“No, friend. It doesn’t. Not at all.”

I tug the blankets back over me and nestle down in them. If I lay in Holt’s bed and imagine him coming home, to me, everything feels right.

But it’s trickery. And I know it.

“You need to tell him,” Sienna coaxes.

It sounds so easy.

My heart constricts as I think about doing that—telling Holt that I want to explore something more with him.

“My life is in Chicago,” I remind her. “I have a career there. His world is here.”

“So?”

“So, isn’t it practically impossible even if he agrees?”

“Nothing is impossible when it comes to lov—things like this.”

I grin at her slip-up. “I love your romanticism, but I’m still pragmatic. It’s not that easy.”

“Maybe not, but you’ll never know if you don’t try.”

What if I try …

He could say he’s thinking the same thing and we could attempt to make a long-distance relationship work.

Or he could say it’s not in the cards for him, and he thinks it’s a disaster in the making.

The second option sends a chill ripping down my spine.

“What are you thinking?” Sienna asks.

“Just that I’m not sure what he’ll say. You know, he could say he’s not interested in trying something like this with me, and then what happens?”

“I don’t know. What do you think happens?”

I mull it over.

We’re still operating on an extended one-night stand. But it doesn’t feel like that anymore.

Not with us holding hands. And kisses to the top of my head. With me sleeping in his bed and accompanying him to family events. That’s especially true when I know he doesn’t bring random women to things like that—both his bed and events.

Surely, that means something.

I chew on my bottom lip.

“What’s the worst that could happen?” Sienna asks.

“That he laughs in my face.”

“Do you really think he’d do that?”

“I hope not.”

She sighs. “You know that’s not going to happen. Take that option off the table.”

I shrug. “I guess he could just tell me I’ve seen something between us that he didn’t, and I should just go home.”

“Do you think that’s true?”

I don’t. I really don’t.

Even with my overthinking brain and paranoia, I don’t think I’m seeing something that’s not there.

His touch is too tender. His actions too considerate. His kisses too sweet.

“I’m confident that he feels the same way that I do,” I say. “There’s just too much evidence to support it.”

“We aren’t in a courtroom.” She laughs. “But go on.”

I twist my lips into a thin line as I think this through.

“He asked me to brunch this morning with his family at his parents' house,” I say. “And I got to know his family last night at the concert.”

“Oh, my gosh! You went to Kelvin McCoy, didn’t you? Did you see Beau McCrae too?”

I laugh. “No, we missed Beau. But we did see Kelvin … who is Holt’s brother? Did you know that?”

“Um, yeah. Everyone in Savannah knows that.”

“Well, I didn’t. Imagine my surprise when I’d gone on and on about him to Holt. I was so embarrassed.”

Sienna giggles. “That’s hilarious.”

I sit up in bed again and feel the sunlight on my shoulders. It warms the air and makes it possible to consider climbing out of bed.

“You need to lay your cards out with Holt,” Sienna says. “You can’t come back here and not know where things stand. And I think—and you do, too, that he probably feels the same way.”

I close my eyes and fight the urge to put my feelings into the universe. It’s too risky.

“You guys can take it slow,” Sienna says. “It’s not like either of you are looking to get married next month or something.”

“True ...”

Her voice softens. “Just believe in yourself and the possibility of love. I believe in you.”

“You know what?” I get out of bed. “This whole being friends thing was working out pretty well. But now you’re acting like we’re in a sappy movie, and I’m rethinking my decision to call you about this stuff.”