A Beautiful Funeral (The Maddox Brothers 5)

"He's doing better, though?" I asked.

"Getting stronger every day. We're hoping he can come home next week."

"You're a good mom. I know it's hard."

"Having your heart split into three pieces, walking around vulnerable outside my body? Some days it's torture. There are no words to describe how frightening, wonderful, awful, and exhausting it is. Worrying seems like second nature. It's a part of me because I love them so much, even before they were born, that if something bad happened to them, it would be worse than death. I hear about children dying, and I find myself apathetic because if I think about it too much, I'll break down. People say it's every parent's worst nightmare. It's not a nightmare. You wake up from nightmares."

"Motherhood sounds ... lovely," I said.

"You'll see," Abby said, wiping her wet cheeks.

I wrinkled my nose. "I'm not sure I want to."

Travis walked toward us, having just said goodbye to someone on the phone. He tapped the display and dropped the sleek tech into his suit pocket. "NICU says he just had lunch. He's an animal ... Hey, Cami."

"Hey," I said.

"Where's Trent?" he asked.

"I think I saw him go into the living room," Abby said.

"Straight to Dad," Travis said, sitting down with us. He picked at a hangnail on his thumb. "He's always been a daddy's boy."

"Don't pretend you aren't. That you all aren't," Abby smirked.

"Not Thomas," Travis said. He seemed to catch himself before saying anything more. Abby grabbed his hand and calmed him with a shushing noise she might make to her children. “It will be over soon,” she whispered.

I sunk back into my seat, the muscles in my face feeling tired, my eyes raw, and my sinuses congested. Trenton had placed tissues and trash cans in every room, and the twins were making sure to empty and replace the trash bags regularly. I blew my nose, making a horrid sound, and tossed it into the can next to me, hugging the box of Kleenex to my waist. We all had different currency on different days. In an airport, I saw people hunting for a chair close to outlets or choosing to sit on the floor. Today, people congregated next to the booze or the tissues.

I held onto the thin cardboard box like a lifeline. It was the only thing to hold. Trenton was in the living room comforting Jim, and I was at odds with my sisters-in-law, still pissed they had taken sides. I guess I had, too, but it was inevitable. We would choose when it came to the brothers and Shepley fighting, except Ellie Peace-and-Love. She remained disgustingly neutral, while Falyn was pissed at Trenton, as was Abby. Trenton and Shepley were angry with Travis. Even though everyone was civil during the funeral, I couldn’t help but wonder what would go down afterward. I planned a quick escape so Trenton wouldn’t say or do anything else he’d regret later.

“It’s not going to be over,” I muttered. “Not if he’s gone.”

Abby craned her neck at me, and I could tell she was holding her tongue.

“He doesn’t feel gone,” I said, feeling my eyes fill with tears. I looked at her. “Is he really gone?”

Abby glanced around before she spoke. “Cami, I’m just going to tell you this once. Whatever you’re doing, stop. If anyone heard you … it could be very upsetting to a lot of people.”

“I need to know,” I begged, feeling my lips tremble.

The wheels began to turn, and then Abby faced me, suddenly angry. “What do you mean he doesn’t feel gone? His future wife is sitting next to Jim. You’re not it,” she hissed.

“Pidge,” Travis warned.

I was taken aback by her sudden vitriol. “I still care about him. What happened between us wasn’t just erased because we went in different directions,” I said.

Abby seemed to be increasingly concerned about the volume of my voice. “I’m sure this is confusing for you, but you didn’t just go in different directions, Cami. You married his brother. He moved on. You’re not the grieving widow, as much as you want to be.”

“Abby,” Travis said.

She sat back in her seat, crossing her arms. “I knew she was going to make today about her. She’s appropriated Jim, Trenton’s miserable over their infertility, and now, she wants everyone to acknowledge that she loved Thomas first.”

“I would love for you to visit more,” I said.

“You don’t live here,” Abby said, indignant. “You’ve got balls welcoming me to Jim’s home. I’ve been in this family longer than you have.”

“I’m not making Trent miserable. He wants a baby just as much as I do,” I said, ignoring her response to touch on one of her original points.

“But he seems to live life between pregnancy tests, unless he’s trying to show you how miserable he is.”

“I did love Thomas,” I said finally.

“He’s marrying Liis,” Abby snapped. “I’m sure you feel you have a right to feel like you’ve lost just as much as she has, but she’s in there holding his daughter. Have you even once gone to her to express your sympathies?”

I stuttered over my words. I wasn’t expecting a full-on attack. I wasn’t sure where Abby’s contempt was coming from, but it had been building up for a long time. “I just didn’t … I don’t want to make her feel awkward.”

“If you think for one second that Liis sees you as anything but Thomas’s sister-in-law, you’re wrong. I promise you there is nothing to feel awkward over.”

She couldn’t have said things more hurtful. I pressed my lips together and looked down, covering my nose with a tissue.

“Baby,” Travis said, cupping his wife’s shoulders. “Ease up.”

“Cami?” Trenton said, walking toward us.

“Oh, fuck,” Travis whispered.

He kneeled in front of me, waiting for me to speak. “You need a hug, baby doll?”

I wiped my nose and eyes and looked up with a small smile. “It’s just sad,” I said.

Trenton combed one side of my hair back with his fingers. “Yeah. C’mon. Dad’s asking for you.”

I stood, leaving Travis and Abby alone. She had never spoken to me that way before, and my mind was already racing for excuses. She’d just had a baby, her hormones were out of control, Carter was at the hospital alone while she was here to mourn Thomas and support Travis. Maybe she didn’t mean any of it. Maybe she was lashing out. But it wasn’t like Abby to lose her cool, especially without provocation.