Grinder (Seattle Sharks 1)

She winced, and I hated myself for the words, but they had to be said.

“Is that all I’d be for you? Another puck bunny to warm up your bed? Another nameless fuck? God, Gage, you’ve been one of my best friends since I can remember, and that’s what this comes down to?”

I ripped my hand over my hair. “No. God damn it. I just mean that we’d eventually fuck each other out of our systems, and then what? Would you still stay here for Lettie? Eventually you. Will. Leave.”

“You don’t know that it would go badly!”

“But I do! Bailey, don’t you want a family? Kids of your own? An art gallery?”

She blinked. “Well, yeah. You’re saying those things could never happen if we were together? If we took a chance on this?”

“No more kids.”

Her head snapped like I’d slapped her. “What? You’re a phenomenal father, Gage.”

“Yeah, to one kid. I love Lettie more than life. She’s got my whole heart—whatever’s left of it. But I know that I’ll never trust a relationship enough to have another kid. It’s not fair to them when shit goes south.” I’d sliced myself open with that realization a long time ago.

She shook her head. “Yeah, you’re over Helen, alright.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“You are letting her taint your whole life! You won’t take a chance on me because I might leave and hurt you—hurt Lettie. You won’t take a chance with anyone for the same damn reason. You’ve given her all the power, and she doesn’t deserve it!”

“I’m protecting my daughter.”

“You’re protecting yourself!” She pointed a finger at me. “You know what? You don’t want to try with me? Fine.”

“That’s not what I said.” I came around the island and stalked her until I had her caged between my arms. She met me with fiery eyes and a tilted chin. Such a little warrior, my Bailey was. “I want you. I crave you. I wake up from dreams where I’m inside you, where I hear you scream my name, and then I have to take a cold shower so I don’t come down here and act those fantasies out. Every drink I sip tastes like your kiss, every time I breathe in the scent of your perfume I’m reminded of how you smell when you’re pressed up against me. My hands ache to feel your curves, and I swear to God that I only breathe when you’re in the damn room. I want to try with you more than anything, Bailey. But Lettie comes first. I don’t get to want anything. I gave that up the day she was born.”

“So that’s it? You’re just what? Going to have a string of one-night stands for the rest of your life?”

“Better than letting anyone hurt Lettie.”

She blinked back moisture in her eyes. Fuck, I was going to lose it if I made her cry.

Instead, she took her fingers and pushed at the center of my chest. “Move.”

I moved back because she wanted me to, not because she made me. She couldn't move me if she actually tried. “Bailey.”

She stalked out of the kitchen.

“Bailey!” I called after her.

She turned, the look on her face a mixture of sadness and disgust. “You’re right. I do want a family and a life of my own. I eventually want a husband who looks at me and sees his future, and I want to be a mother. I’m not saying that has to be right now. Maybe you have it right. Maybe one night stands are where it’s at. If you’ll excuse me, I’ll go get ready.”

“Where are you going?”

“Out with Jeannine. I think I need a drink or twelve after the way today has gone.”

My hands gripped the counter behind me to keep from going after her. “You deserve a night out.”

She nodded. “Yeah. I do. I deserve a lot of things, like a man who’s willing to risk his heart for what we could have together.”

“It’s not—”

“Keep telling yourself that bullshit, Gage. It’s not about Lettie, it’s about you. She already loves me, and I already love her. So just remember that while you’re holding yourself back from a real relationship, you’re also holding her back in the name of protecting her.”

My shoulders slumped. Fuck. I’d never thought of it that way. “I love her enough for both parents.”

“Yeah, you do. You’re the best dad I’ve ever known. You teach her everything about life, and hockey, and music, and art, and you never let her wonder for a second if she’s loved. But Gage, I think there’s enough room in your heart for m—” she shook her head and chewed on her lower lip.

Me. She was going to say, “me.” I swallowed, my tongue suddenly thick.

“Bailey…”

“I just can’t with you right now,” she said and left me standing alone in the kitchen.

Alone. What I liked to be. Where I was safe. Where Lettie was safe. Where nothing changed, and no one got hurt.

Safe was best.

Except Bailey.

There was nothing better than Bailey.

And I fucking knew it.

Chapter 8

Bailey

I need to go out. I sent the text as I slipped on a pair of black skinny jeans and a gray, silk spaghetti strap.

Dinner, drinks, or dancing? Jeannine responded instantly.

Huge fight with Gage.

Dancing. Meet me at Phantom in ten?

OMW.

I loved Jeannine, as always, she was more than happy to oblige my need to blow off steam. I only took one night off a week, and tonight I needed it in a big bad way. Adrenaline from Gage’s words still pumped through my veins as I walked out the door, and he was nowhere in sight. The thought of him going out with the boys, only to find a puck bunny to take out his frustration on made my stomach sour. I drove ten over the speed limit to get to Jeannine faster.

Phantom was currently the hottest nightclub in Seattle. The place was impressively large, the entire main floor predominately a dance space, and the upper levels offered balcony views and exclusivity to VIPs. Jeannine and I bypassed those and headed straight for the massive bar which set just off the dance floor. Dark lighting, loud music, and fantastic drinks—it was exactly what I needed—and exactly the place Paige constantly avoided. I wished she were here too, but understood she couldn’t risk the paparazzi catching her indulging at a place like this, not with the wholesome image she had to maintain for her company.