Bruiser (Seattle Sharks 7)

I looked at the moon’s reflection on the ocean and laughed at the harsh irony of my life. I’d only ever fallen for two women. One, I was too good for. The other...I wasn’t good enough.

Chapter 12

Shea

“Hey,” Ivy’s voice startled me away from my cell.

I’d stomped off after Hudson had snapped and left me there, gaping and raw and more than furious with myself. I’d snuck away to a corner to check and make sure I didn’t have a text or missed call from Grace. It wasn’t that Elliott hadn’t slept over at her house before—she had, dozens of times—and she loved spending that uninterrupted time with Charlie, but I never not worried about her.

“Hi,” I finally said, returning my cell to the small clutch I’d brought. It was the only one I owned that went with the dress I wore. The one I now felt ridiculous in. After the spat with Hudson, I felt more out of place than I ever had before.

And I knew it was my fault.

Could tell by the way my heart battled with the new cracks splintering across it. The way guilt gnawed at my insides, and that small voice inside me screamed that I was a total idiot.

How could I have said those things to Hudson?

Something a decade old and covered in ice snaked through my blood.

Fear.

I was letting fear control me.

Fear of him, not Hudson.

Ten years and the asshole was still controlling my life.

I’m an idiot.

“I don’t want to overstep,” Ivy said, drawing my attention while looking stunning in her gown, her blonde hair in perfect waves over her bare shoulders. She fit in perfectly here. Hell, she looked like a model who had come to the event on her own rather than be her husband’s plus one. “But I might have seen what happened,” she said innocently enough. “And I didn’t want you to stew alone if you needed someone to talk to.”

I sighed, the frustration cooling in my chest. I liked Ivy—had since the moment she stepped up and helped Connor when he was struggling to adopt Hannah. That was before they were even together, which earned huge points for Ivy. Though, it wasn’t hard to step up when you loved a child—there was simply something different about that kind of love. A stronger, deeper connection that went beyond a bond and further than protective instinct. I couldn’t really explain the love I had for Elliott, but it was fierce and wrapped in my soul so intricately it defined who I was as a woman, mother, friend.

“Thanks,” I said, shaking my head. “I’m just…and Hudson is just…”

“I know,” she said when I couldn’t get the words out correctly. “Shark men are complex.” A slight smile tugged at the corner of her lips. “They’re as passionate off the ice as they are on it. And sometimes that can be…overwhelming.”

“Yes,” I said, nodding. “And terrifying.”

“Truth,” she said, clinking her champagne flute against mine.

“I don’t know why he wants…” I stopped myself and took a good long drink of the champagne.

Me.

More.

More of me.

I choked on the words. Because he’d said he wanted a relationship with me. Wanted me to be his and him to be mine and for this chemistry between us to mean something.

But why? We were two completely different people from completely different lives.

Sure, we had an amazing time together, and we laughed more than I’d ever laughed with anyone, and he seriously loved my kid, but—

“Feel free to stop me whenever,” Ivy cut into my thoughts, her hands raised in innocence. “But if you’re having doubts about the lifestyle…”

“Why would he want to give that up?” I asked, honestly. “He could have any girl he wanted or several at a time.” The thought made something dark twist in my stomach. “They have away games, and he has enough money to fly off on a whim to a remote island if he wanted. Why tie himself down?”

She arched a perfectly trimmed eyebrow at me, and heat flooded my cheeks. “I’m sorry,” I said quickly. “That was rude.”

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “It’s honest. And, I can tell you—at least from my and my sister’s experiences—we’ve all had the same thoughts. We were both terrified before we started dating a Shark, but sometimes you can’t help who you...like.”

I grinned at her obvious lack of the word love in my case because truly, how could I know if what was between Hudson and me love? We’d tolerated each other in the beginning, then graduated to friends, and then…

More.

It was more.

We were more than some convenient physical release.

We were more than the chemistry that crackled between us.

We were more, and all he’d wanted was to define it.

And I’m a huge jerk.

“Also,” Ivy went on. “I can tell you this about Porter,” she said, and I bit back a smile at how she called him by his last name like the rest of the Sharks. “He doesn’t sleep around. Doesn’t drink—not even when they all go out.” She eyed me. “He’s intense but grounded, and if he’s pushing for something with you, it’s not on a whim.”

A fluttering warmth trickled into my blood.

Followed quickly by terror.

So this is real.

And if it was real, it meant it would hurt like hell if I lost it.

But was I ready to lose him now? Before I got deeper?

My heart screamed no, and my mind did too.

I scanned the area, my eyes hoping to lock onto the giant of a man.

“I think I saw him head toward the elevators,” Ivy said, motioning her head that way. “Probably up to his room to brood.” She chuckled, and I smiled at her.

“Thank you,” I said.

“Anytime!” she called after me as I clicked my way across the gala.

My heart raced with each ding as the elevator took me up and up and up.

But a freeing sensation unfurled within me so fast it made my head spin.

This is real.

This is more.

For the first time in my life when it came to a man, hope outshone the terror.

And it was that hope that had me rapping my knuckles against his door in a frenzied way, like a wild woman on the hunt for her mate.

“Lukas, I swear to God I’ll murder you if you ask me one more time about F—” Hudson’s words died as he opened the door and discovered that I wasn’t, in fact, a six-foot-six Scandinavian. “Shea?” his blue eyes churned—sadness and regret and desire.

“I want you,” I said, and though his eyes sparked, his shoulders dropped. So I clarified, pushing against his chest, backing him into the room far enough for the door to close behind us. The fact that he let me push him was enough.

“I want more with you,” I said, my fingers grazing down his chest as I looked up at him. I bit my lip. “I’m…well, it’s not a secret that I come with a past, Hudson. Come with a darkness in my life that birthed walls and worry and a constant state of fear that I’ve been able to live with and manage every day of my life since Elliott was born.” I sighed, my lip quivering as the reality, the depth of my words sank into my soul. “I know that is a bullshit excuse for my complete bitch moment down there,” I said, my eyes clenching shut. “I’ve never felt safer than when I’m with you.” I forced my eyes to open, to face the man who I’d unintentionally hurt minutes ago.

To be real and raw and exposed.

“You won’t hurt me. I know that. Deep down, I can feel it. The fear though…from that darkness, it’s real and strong, and I’ll likely never outrun it. What happened downstairs, that’s what down there was about. My own fear. Not just of making a mistake again, of being helpless and weak again, but of the pain that comes with losing…” I sucked in a sharp breath. “Losing you will hurt. More than any kind of physical pain. I know that. And I’m not perfect. I know myself, know that when the old fear coats my veins, my mouth loses its filter. My brain shuts down from logical mode and shoots straight

to protect, flee, survive mode. And I can’t offer you a thing you don’t already have—”

“Stop,” he cut me off, his hands cupping my cheeks. “You are perfect.”

I shook my head. “There are pieces of me that may always be broken.” I leaned into his warm hands. “But I’m yours. Wholly. If you still want me.”

The words snapped something inside him, and before I could blink, I was lifted off my feet, my breasts pressed against his chest as he hefted me to his eye level. He crushed his lips against mine, a fierce, consuming kiss before he pulled back. His nose grazing the tip of mine.

“You’re perfect,” he growled. “Perfect for me.” He pressed his forehead against mine. “I’ve got darkness, too,” he said. “And I haven’t wanted to share it with anyone. Until I met you.”

I ran my fingers through his hair, kissing his lips gently, then the line of his jaw, working my way up to the scar that dissected his eyebrow.

“I’m yours,” I whispered against his mouth.

A rumble vibrated his chest, and he slowly, agonizingly, sat me on my heeled feet. His mouth on my neck as he reached behind me and fingered the zipper on my dress. He locked eyes with me, a question.

Always my choice.

I nodded, and he unzipped the dress, letting it fall in a puddle of silk around my ankles.

He hissed at the sight of the red lace I’d splurged on just for this occasion, and the desire that churned in his blue eyes was worth every single penny I’d spent on the set.