Leverage - Part 3

“Miles Lassiter…the man who tries desperately to heal a broken heart by falling in love with another woman who is not available…you mean that guy?” Lilah teased, then sobered, saying, “Miles is a great guy but he has terrible radar when it comes to women.”

“Yeah, I’m starting to see that,” Julianna agreed, glad she wasn’t the only one. “I don’t want to hurt him. He’s been my rock through this but I don’t feel that way about him and I know I have to tell him.”

“Be gentle, he’s a good guy, but you’re right it has to be done.”

She sighed, wishing for a different answer. “That’s kinda why I was down here. I was trying to think of a way to break the news.”

“Best way is to just do it. He’ll be okay. I think deep down, at some level, he knew you weren’t truly available. Miles is still searching for healing but until he realizes he’s not going to find it in the places he’s been looking, he’s bound to keep making the same mistake.”

“That’s very zen — and very true,” Julianna admitted with a chagrined laugh. “Man, you are so wise.”

Lilah laughed. “No, just observant.”

Julianna and Lilah let silence fill the space between them as they both enjoyed the gentle surf lapping at the shore and Julianna realized she might not have the answers to each of her problems but she felt a certain measure of peace about them. Well, at least she knew what the right course of action was with Miles.

Now, if only she could gain the same confidence concerning Boston.

“Do you love him?” Lilah asked suddenly, going straight to the heart of the matter.

“Yes,” Julianna answered. “But I’m not happy about it.”

Lilah nodded with understanding. “Then it must be true love.”

“Why is that?”

“Because true love never comes easily. Usually it leaves a few bumps and bruises before it settles into the right place.”

“Well, if that’s true, he’s my freaking soulmate because I’m sporting more than a few bumps and bruises.”

“Probably so.” Lilah waited a beat and then asked, “So what are you going to do about it?”

“Honestly? Nothing. He walked away from me — and I’m sure as hell not going to chase him. If he truly wants me…he knows where to find me.”

The corners of Lilah’s mouth tilted in a small smile as she said, “Let’s hope he comes to his senses soon and remembers where he left his heart.”

One could hope but then, hope, she’d discovered was dangerous and she just didn’t know if she could take the chance.

#

Initially, Miles had been excited when Julianna asked him to stop by her bungalow but now that he was there, watching her fidget and pace, he knew whatever she had to tell him wasn’t good news. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what she wanted to tell him. “You’re going back to him, aren’t you?” he surmised, unable to keep the sour disappointment from his voice.

She stopped and when she answered with a short, “No” he breathed a sigh of relief until she added, “But, I don’t want to be with you, either.”

“Oh.” He leaned on his thighs, wondering why he hadn’t listened to his intuition about Julianna. “I see.”

Julianna exhaled a short breath and said, “Listen, I’m going to cut to the chase because this is killing me. You are an amazing guy and a wonderful friend but I would be doing you a disservice if I let you think that there would ever be anything between us aside from friendship.”

“You don’t know that,” he protested. “Some of the most enduring love affairs have sprung from solid friendships.”

“I know you believe that but for me, that’s not how it works. Plus, my heart isn’t interested in letting anything spring from anywhere with anyone right now. And it’s really not fair of me to ask you to wait when there’s no guarantee that your gamble will pay off. I respect you too much for that.”

“But you’re not going back to him?” he asked.

“Do you see him here?” she asked, not exactly answering the question.

“And if he were?” he pressed.

“I don’t know,” she hedged, dancing around the truth but he could see it in her eyes. She loved him. He sighed and leaned back in the chair, shaking his head. Julianna sat opposite him. “Please don’t judge me. He’s the father of my child. And yes, I do love him. But my head and heart are a bit of a mess right now and I don’t know what to think anymore. All I know is I’m not going to chase him.”

“No, you’ll just sit here like a good little girl and wait.”

Her eyes flashed. “That’s not what I’m doing.”

“Isn’t it?”

“No, it isn’t. I’m taking this time to get my head on straight so that I can be a good mother.”

“And if Boston showed up right this second, you wouldn’t jump into his arms and forgive him for every fucked up thing he’s done to you?”

“No I wouldn’t.”

“Forgive me if I don’t believe you.”

“I don’t care what you believe but it hurts that you would think so little of me.”

He sat up, exasperated. “Don’t you see? I feel the exact opposite. I think you deserve so much more than what he’s offering.”

“Miles, let’s be honest…you shouldn’t have fallen so quickly for me. The fact that you did makes me wonder if you know what you want and need or if you’re just running from something in your own heart. What was her name?”

Miles stiffened. “What are you talking about?”

“I mean, who broke your heart so badly that you would ignore common sense?”

“I didn’t come here to be psychoanalyzed.”

“No, but you need it and if being your armchair therapist helps you to move on, I’ll gladly do it because you’ve been so good to me,” she said in earnest. “You’re too good of a man to let something from your past keep you down.”

Ah hell. He hated that somehow she’d zeroed in on his private weakness. Had he been that transparent? And how was it that he’d totally missed it himself? He opened his mouth but nothing came out. He actually laughed, unable to believe he was going to share but it felt right to share it with Julianna, possibly because he truly did, deep down, know they were only destined to be friends. “Her name was Danielle, but she went by Dani. We’d been dating for about three months when she revealed she was actually married but had been separated. I didn’t freak out because I figured the divorce was imminent and it was simply a formality of paperwork that remained. I was wrong. Seems she’d been playing us both.”

“Ouch.”

“Yeah…a big one. I fell pretty hard for her. But I should’ve known that what we had wasn’t real because she was an actress and pretty good at pretending.”

“Was she a well-known actress?”

“Not then.”

“But she is now?”

He didn’t want to answer but he figured there was no point in hiding the information now. “She goes by the name Danielle St. Claire.”