The Nurse's Secret

‘She will.’

‘How can you be so positive?’ She was overreacting, but that was the mother in her.

‘The scan’s normal. Besides, it’s what I want. Not a very medical answer, I know, but it’s how I feel.’

Stacey stared at him. Had he guessed the truth? Nothing showed in his expression to suggest so. Did she know what she was looking for? He’d hide it, wouldn’t he? He could be waiting for her to fess up.

‘For both you and Holly,’ he added.

‘Oh, Noah.’ If only he knew. Well, he would, if she found the courage to tell him.

A murmur came from the bed.

Stacey spun around and leapt up to lean over the sidebar. ‘Holly? It’s Mummy, sweetheart.’

‘Mmm.’

Reaching out, Stacey touched her cheek with the backs of her fingers. ‘Holly. I’m here.’

‘Mummy.’ Her eyes fluttered open, then closed again.

Relief poured into Stacey and the tears flowed freely. So much for not letting Holly see. ‘Holly, you’re in bed and Mummy’s with you.’ Now she was talking gibberish.

Holly was looking at her, confusion filling her beautiful grey eyes. Her father’s eyes.

Handing her cup to Noah, Stacey dropped the bar and sat on the bed, reaching for her girl, carefully slipping under her and holding her against her breast. ‘There, sweetheart. Mummy’s got you.’

‘She looks like you,’ Noah said quietly.

‘So people tell me.’

Don’t look at her eyes.

‘You don’t agree?’

‘Yes, I can see quite a few Wainwright genes in there.’ She’d spent most of Holly’s life looking for signs of Noah, and so far only her eyes came close. ‘She’s a happy wee soul, always giggling and having fun.’

‘Like her mum.’

Deep breath. ‘Noah. I need to tell you something.’ She couldn’t put it off for another moment. This was eating her up. Now or never. Never wasn’t an option. She didn’t want to do that to Holly or Noah. They were bonded through Holly, and watch out anyone or anything that threatened to come between them.

Heavy grey eyes locked onto her, not moving, not looking at the girl who was his daughter. ‘This sounds serious.’

‘It is.’

Please, still like me when I’ve finished.

‘Holly’s a little over two years old.’

‘I heard you tell the woman her date of birth when we arrived here.’ The words were spoken in a monotone, as though he was holding back an emotion she wouldn’t like. Or he was afraid of? His mouth flattened. His shoulders were tightening, and his eyes boring into her. Getting the idea?

‘That’s right. Nine months give a day or three after the dance.’ Her chest rose, then she spilled the facts before she could overthink this. ‘Holly was conceived the night we were together.’

He didn’t blink. Didn’t move at all. His mouth was still flat, as though he’d been expecting news he didn’t want to hear. The grey stare darkened, not giving away anything her words might’ve wrought on him, but coffee spilled onto the floor between his feet from the squashed cardboard mug in his hand.

She was his focus, a long, breath-defying stare. Her stomach curled into a tight little ball, her heart slowed while her lungs struggled to do their job. ‘It’s true, Noah. Holly is your daughter.’

At last his gaze moved slowly down to the precious bundle tucked against her, focusing on his daughter. Stacey held Holly tighter, closer. She preferred it when he looked at her with all those blistering questions and not at Holly. Holly was innocent. So was she. She hadn’t planned on getting pregnant. It had just happened.

This beautiful child was her daughter. Noah’s daughter, too, but hers no matter what. He had a choice—accept or deny. She’d never had a choice, and had never wanted one. From the moment she’d learned she was pregnant there hadn’t been a single doubt she’d love her baby and was to raise him or her no matter what the world threw at them. Noah would accept eventually. He would. But then what? Would he want to know his daughter, love her, support her? Or deposit money into a bank account every month and leave it at that?

No, she could not believe Noah would do that. He was honourable. But this was about more than that. It was about responsibility, about caring and sharing, about wanting to be a father, about love. Her heart banged. Love. Was Noah ready for that? She’d often wondered if he would ever love her. Now she needed to know, more than anything, would he love Holly?

‘I used protection,’ he intoned in that same voice.

‘I know.’ Condoms every time. But Holly was real.

‘You’re saying they didn’t all work?’ A scathing tone.

‘It’s the only answer I’ve been able to come up with throughout the years since.’ Okay, so she could do scathing, too.

Silence took over, only interrupted by voices as people passed the open door. Stacey glanced down at Holly, and felt her heart drop. Was she asleep now? Or had she fallen unconscious again? Her fingers found a pulse in Holly’s neck. Using her phone, she timed it and sighed with relief. All good. Brushing a kiss on her daughter’s forehead, she glanced up at Noah.

He was watching them both intently.

‘Noah?’

He said nothing, letting the silence expand. This time a little chilly.

She opted for quiet, letting Noah absorb what she’d told him. No doubt he’d be doing the sums to make sure she hadn’t lied. Her back stiffened. Lying wasn’t one of her habits. But, then, how often had he been told he was the father of a two-year-old girl?

‘Is it true you weren’t in a relationship when we got together at the dance? That you hadn’t had an argument with your partner?’

‘I was single and had been for a year. There was no one else. Holly is yours, Noah. You are her father.’ Her mouth dried. She’d known there’d be questions, lots of them. But how to cope with them without sounding needy and pathetic?

He locked his steady gaze on her, watched her for a long, long moment.

Her breath stuck in her chest as she waited.

His knuckles were white against his hips, his body rigid, chin thrust forward. Then he slumped. ‘I believe you.’

The air exhaled from Stacey’s lungs in a rush. ‘Thank you,’ she whispered.

‘Who’d have thought? I used protection.’ He shook his head. ‘Each time.’

‘I remember.’ Tears poured down her cheeks and she did nothing to stop them. ‘I tried to find you, but I had little to go on. Noah—that was it. I didn’t even know you were a doctor.’ She hadn’t told anyone why she wanted to find the man she’d danced with. Certainly hadn’t mentioned spending the rest of the night in his hotel room having sex. And how she’d been reluctant to leave next morning but knowing she had to. They hadn’t had a future.