The Nurse's Secret

A bitter laugh huffed from his mouth. How could he think that about Holly when he’d only seen her unconscious? What about that small smile and the word ‘Mummy’ whispering across her lips? Not so out of it then. And that’s why he felt she was just like her mother. How could she not be?

Sipping his whisky, he stared out the window into the night lit by streetlamps. Rain slapped the pavement, glistening in the light. It was cosy in here, yet he shivered. He was teetering on a cliff edge. He wanted to grab Anastasia and Holly, hold them to him for ever and make the most of everything. He wanted to go back to early that morning when he had been climbing out of bed and heading to the bathroom for a shave, and when he hadn’t known about this child who’d turned the world as he knew it upside down.

Hell, he didn’t know what he wanted—except not to make a bigger mess of everything than it already was.

It’s only a mess because you’re overthinking everything.

He wanted to get this right. For Holly. For Anastasia and, yes, for himself. Then ‘how’ was the next big question. That had to be decided by talking to Anastasia, not just to himself.

There was a warmth in his gut and touching his heart. If it was true and Holly was his, he’d become a father in the time it had taken Anastasia to say, ‘Holly was conceived the night we were together. It’s true, Noah. Holly is your daughter.’ No planning, no nine months to get used to the idea, no agreeing it was a good thing to start a family when he wasn’t in a relationship. A matter of seconds and he’d become a father. Whether he’d wanted to or not.

He could walk away. Except he’d never do that. He knew the pain of losing parents, the pain of not being taken in by other family to share their love and camaraderie. It wasn’t something he’d ever impose on his daughter. Holly would be well cared for and loved by the Wainwright family and have everything important to grow up into a wonderful woman.

Could he do any better? Did he want to? Yes, damn it, he did. She would be loved by him as well, with all that entailed. But to trust Anastasia completely was a big ask. Despite her reassurances about being happy with her lot, she might change when she fully understood his background and all that was on offer.

Another sip of his drink and he thought about Christine. His wife had hurt him, but she hadn’t wrecked him. She’d let him down by not meeting his love with hers. He’d wanted a family, like the one he’d known for the first ten years of his life. She’d never had that herself so didn’t believe in it.

Anastasia came from a loving environment and gave love out without thought. Love was a part of her. Did she have any for him?

His head was going round and round, and getting nowhere. Shoving the almost full glass aside, he straightened up and headed for the door and the wet weather. He was not making any decisions about any damned thing tonight. He was going back to the hospital to sit with Anastasia and Holly, watching over them as they waited out the time it took for Holly to get well enough to go home.

CHAPTER SEVEN

STACEY OPENED HER eyes slowly and looked around the darkened room from the bed she was sprawled over. Shock rippled through her at the man standing at the end of Holly’s bed, hands in pockets, a poignant look on his face as he gazed down at his daughter. ‘Noah?’ she whispered.

Slowly he turned to face her, sadness radiating out at her. ‘How hard did you try to find me?’

He was regretting missing out on the early years of Holly’s life. ‘On the train heading home that morning I wished I’d taken a moment to ask when you were coming back from wherever it was you were headed. I didn’t know if you were going on holiday or off to a permanent job in Britain or another country.

‘You mentioned staying at the hotel since you’d packed up your house so your move seemed long term. I wanted to see you again.’ She paused, hoping for a response, got none. ‘At work on Monday I asked my friends to check around at London General to see if anyone knew you and they came up blank. Most people didn’t even know me, let alone who I was dancing with.’

Another pause while she thought back to those frantic days when she’d almost begged people to give her a name for the man no one had known. ‘Now I know you’d never worked at London General it makes sense.’

‘And that was it?’

‘No. A few weeks later I found I was pregnant. At first it was scary. I was single, still getting over my broken relationship.’ Tell him how he’d made Angus start sliding into the background? Maybe not. Noah didn’t look as though he’d want to hear that. ‘But as the days turned to weeks I began to get excited. I was going to be a mother, and even if I had to raise my child on my own, it was wonderful.’

‘So you gave up looking for me?’

Her chest ached for him. And her. She’d told him this already. He was looking for reasons to be angry with her while he accepted the truth in front of him. ‘No, Noah, I didn’t. I began a methodical search of the hospital, checking out all the medical staff, and then anyone else working there who might’ve known you. You didn’t exist. That was the only blight on my pregnancy. Like I said before, I never stopped looking for you.’

Lifting her hands and turning them palms upwards, she asked, ‘What else was I supposed to do? There’s more than one Noah out there, believe me.’ And none that she’d seen were a patch on this one.

To give him his due, he was trying to deal with the situation in a cautious but non-aggressive way. No surprise really. She’d shocked the living daylights out of him, and that would take time to absorb and decide how he’d deal with Holly. And her. He’d probably never felt more for her than like and care, which wasn’t enough. He wouldn’t’ve been stupid enough to fall for her in a few hours when they’d been making love. For him that had probably been sex, not making love, and he’d got as much as he could. Sex that they’d repeated already this week. Sex that to her was making love and made her feel happy. ‘You said you only tried once to find me.’

‘I don’t think that’s important right now, Anastasia.’

Sudden anger burst from her. ‘Anastasia. What’s with not using Stacey like everyone else, huh?’ She’d liked how he’d used her full name, but tonight it made her feel he was putting her in a bubble, to be looked at and thought about without the hindrance of others who knew and loved her.

‘Stacey it is, then. Not that it changes a thing. We have a problem, and I’m trying to understand it all. Starting with the fact that three years have gone by when I didn’t know you’d become pregnant. Allegedly with my child.’ Noah glared at her, then sighed. ‘Sorry, that doesn’t help. I owe you better than that.’

Swallowing her own anger, she nodded. ‘It’s okay. Really. I expected denial in the beginning.’ And withdrawal. Even disinterest. Though, no, not that. She’d watched Noah gazing at Holly earlier with something like hope and a tentative love growing in his eyes. Maybe he wasn’t aware of those emotions, but they’d been there, she’d swear. ‘I’m not going to make a scene, Noah. Holly’s yours. There was no one else in my life at the time. Not even another one-night stand,’ she added with unexpected bitterness. So much for not making a scene.

Getting off the chair, she crossed to her girl, and reached over the guard rail to touch her. To make sure she was real. To feel that soft skin and the warmth that was Holly inside and out. ‘Love you, baby,’ she whispered.

Your father is the only man I ever slept with for one night.

He was still the only man other than Angus, and he’d made a greater impact in one night than Angus had in a lifetime. She’d loved Angus, but after Noah she’d realised how much of her relationship with Angus had been about friendship. She’d loved him, totally, with all she had to offer. It just hadn’t held the passion she’d found with Noah. Passion that still woke her, that had begun twisting her heart every time she saw him, whether at work, in the street, or here when he was struggling to trust her honesty.

Standing at the e

nd of the bed, Noah said nothing, but she could feel his eyes boring into her. Looking for what? Warning signs that said she was a liar? That she was looking for any man to be her daughter’s father? That she’d use him to get what she wanted?

The anger was back, increasing as though it had been waiting for months, if not years, for this moment to express itself. Anger over not being able to find Noah. Over not having told him who she was apart from Anastasia, which no one would have recognised as her name. Over having a child and not being able to tell her who her father was and why he wasn’t around. Whipping around, she snapped in a low voice, ‘Go away. Leave us alone. I don’t want toxic vibes to disturb Holly. She doesn’t need anything but love at the moment.’

Steely grey eyes locked on her.

She waited, cool on the outside, seething internally. He didn’t believe anything she said. He was going to walk away. From his daughter. Maybe for the time it took to get his head around the fact he was a parent, like it or not. He hadn’t had enough time to think it all through, yet he was going to leave. She sensed it in his stance, in those eyes and the grim tightness of his usually kind mouth. Not knowing what to say to change his mind, she waited, and waited.

‘Mummy.’

Stacey’s shoulders drooped forward, her knees softened, and her heart rate increased. Gripping the rail, she turned to her daughter. ‘Hey, baby, Mummy’s here.’ She dropped the rail and sank onto the bed to lift Holly into her arms, and lay her chin on her head, breathed deeply to absorb her girl’s smell. Noah could go do whatever he liked. So long as he didn’t upset Holly.

* * *

‘That went well,’ Noah muttered as he stood in the lift taking him to the bottom level and his car outside after talking to a nurse about Holly’s condition since Anastasia hadn’t taken back her permission for him to ask the staff.

He’d been going to sit with An—with Stacey and Holly while he thought about his new life. It was new. If nothing else, he was now a father. He wouldn’t be a remote dad, only turning up for birthdays and Christmas, adding to Stacey’s bank account to make sure Holly never went without.

So he did believe the child was his? Actually... He sighed. He did. Holly’s eyes were replicas of those he saw in the mirror every morning while shaving. The truth was in her mother’s voice, face, stance. Stacey hadn’t lied. Holly was his daughter. Hadn’t he admitted that to himself already? He should’ve told Stacey. Instead, he’d pushed her hard about how she hadn’t found him when he’d known the odds had been stacked against them from the beginning. He tipped his head back to stare at the lift ceiling. He wasn’t playing fair. Being blindsided was not an excuse. He was human?

So is Anastasia. Stacey.

He’d been looking for hidden meanings behind her reactions, and had got an earful of disappointment in him instead. Which only showed she was the woman he hoped, and not one who lied to get what she wanted.

The lift jerked to a halt and the doors slid open. Two women in nurses’ uniforms joined him, one pressing the button for the third floor.

He made a decision. Reaching around the nurse, he pressed four—Paediatrics. And Stacey.