The Family She Needs

He also needed to be here. Mickey was getting used to him, wanted him in his life. That had to be good, but it also complicated everything.

The furrows remained in place. ‘Will you go to the same base as last time?’

Try as hard as he might, he couldn’t prevent the shudder that rocked him, and she saw it, those eyes widening ever so slightly.

‘No,’ he muttered, and pushed off his chair to get more soup in an attempt to shut her up without growling at her. Offending her was not on his agenda. He liked her too much. Besides, they had to get along for Mickey’s sake. ‘I’ll probably go to Uganda next time, even though I haven’t quite finished my last contract.’

‘Will it be another twelve-month stint?’

‘They usually are.’ He had yet to discuss his deployment with his boss. Hopefully by then he’d be able to say with full confidence that he’d got over the kidnapping.

She stood beside him, holding out her bowl for more. ‘That’s not exactly what I asked.’

He knew that. His shoulders rose and fell as he ladled soup into her bowl.

Back at the table Karina eyed him as he sat down. ‘I know I’m a pest, but I have to look ahead. Knowing if you’ll be coming home to see Mickey during the next year will make it easier to tell him what to look forward to.’

Her honesty could be a pain, but he couldn’t fault her reasoning. ‘It wouldn’t be fair to leave you on your own with Mickey longer than a year.’

Even that was too long to expect Karina to hold the fort. But twelve months back in that stinking heat, wondering where the next attack might come from, fearing being taken and locked up again, wasn’t going to be a picnic either.

‘I’m quite happy with the situation, but it worries me that it’s not always easy to contact you. What if something goes wrong? Like Mickey getting seriously ill and my needing you?’

Nurses and doctors were known to look for all sorts of illnesses when it came to their own kids, and there was no denying that, to Karina, Mickey was her own. But...

‘Mickey’s doing great. I suspect the headaches and tummy aches are about attention-seeking.’

As she tapped her bottom lip repeatedly with her spoon he wanted to hug her tight, kiss away those worries screwing up her eyes. He wanted to make everything easier for her.

‘How would you feel if I was living here? Was available all the time? Would that make you feel I was infringing on what you’re doing with Mickey?’

Now, where the hell had that come from? Next she’d be thinking he planned on staying around.

Her spoon clattered into her bowl and her chair tipped back as she raised startled eyes to meet his gaze. ‘You’re not serious?’

That hurt. ‘What if I am? Mickey’s as much my responsibility as yours. Besides, I’m not looking forward to leaving him for so long.’

So she didn’t want him here, didn’t want to share parenthood. She’d had it her own way too long.

‘Sorry, that came out all wrong,’ she backpedalled. ‘It would be great for Mickey if you lived in Motueka.’

‘But apparently not in the same house as the two of you?’

That hurt too. He’d become used to Karina being around all the time. He liked sharing meals and looking out for Mickey with her, and had enjoyed working alongside her in the surgery. Seemed she didn’t think the same. Of course she was right. Sharing a house really wasn’t wise. What if, despite her protestations, she did meet a man she wanted to settle down with? It was bound to happen one day. She was too attractive to remain single for ever. He’d be like a spare wheel around the place. Come on... He’d hate it—and he had no right to that emotion.

Karina might be sneaking under his radar and touching his heart, but he wasn’t about to run with that. She’d already been hurt badly by her ex and she didn’t need a basket case next time around. Nor did Mickey need the fallout a broken relationship would bring if it didn’t work out between them.

Standing, he gathered up the empty soup bowls and took them to the sink. ‘You’re safe. I couldn’t stay still in one place long enough to make a life for myself here.’

She didn’t need to know that he’d begun to feel that this might be the place where he could let go of the fear and grab at the sense of belonging that sometimes caught him. Whether that was the location and its townsfolk, or just two people in particular, he still didn’t know. But, as he didn’t usually go looking for places to leave his heart, he suspected it was Karina and Mickey who’d weaved their magic around him, causing this disturbance to his head and his heart.

* * *

Karina couldn’t get Logan’s words out of her head.

‘How would you feel if I was living here? Was available all the time?’

He had refuted them almost immediately, but it had been as though he was testing her: seeing what she felt about the idea.

Well, buster, the answers to those vexing questions are entirely up to you. She flicked the towel she was folding, getting a small satisfaction out of the snapping sound it made. I can’t tell you what to do with your life.

Logan living here would be the best thing for Mickey and the worst for her—even if he lived in another house. Already she’d grown too close to him, and she wasn’t looking forward to the day he left.

Male laughter reached her from the direction of the shed, where Logan and Jonty were sanding the frame on a set of windows they’d bought at the demolition yard in Nelson during the week.

Another maintenance job being attacked; another thing soon to be ticked off Logan’s list. He seemed to be getting immense enjoyment out of doing these jobs, saying on more than one occasion that it was great seeing the results of his hard labour.

‘What’s hard about it?’ Jonty had asked one time when they’d all been in the garden. ‘It’s what real men do.’

Logan had laughed at Jonty’s poke, no doubt safe in the knowledge that the old man was more than happy to work alongside him.

You’re all man—right down to the tips of your toes. She’d had to slam her mouth shut on the words.

Logan was comfortable showing his softer side. He spent hours with his nephew and had been more than happy to step up when needed in the surgery. Oh, and he had a chest and a butt that were definitely real man.

But she didn’t know what to make of Logan’s query about him staying around. She’d be absolutely thrilled, she suspected. He was impossible to ignore, despite her best intentions. He was knocking away at the barriers she’d hoisted around her heart. Often she found herself thinking about him at times when she

had no right to be—times when she was meant to be reading patient notes or making sense of Mickey’s erratic behaviour, which she hadn’t been able to find an answer for even by searching the net.

Logan. Get out of my head. Now. Stay away.

See? She didn’t want him moving here permanently.

Yeah, I might, though.

What if she was falling in love with him?

Then he’s got to go. No argument.

He mightn’t be anything like power-hungry, control freak Ian, but she’d loved Ian with all her being and she suspected that was how she’d love Logan if she allowed him into her heart.

That was how she loved Mickey.

That was how she loved. Full-stop.

With a child, that was okay. Parents loved unconditionally and took the knocks along the way.

But to love a man like that again, knowing full well how painful it would be at the end, would be utterly foolish. She wasn’t ever again going down that black hole. And the only way she could be sure of that was by not getting involved with Logan.

Logan might be wonderful with Mickey, but he also liked to be in charge, liked controlling everything around him. Such as selling the house. In his book he was right: no argument. Just like her ex and her father. She was never again going to be that person who did as others bade in the hope that they’d love her more.

No, siree. I know how this unfolds. I give in once, the second time is easier, and so it goes.

Love Logan or not, she wasn’t getting involved with him.

CHAPTER TEN

A SHOUT WOKE Karina from a deep sleep.

‘Here we go again...’

She rolled out of bed and groped for her robe and slippers as another cry ripped through the house.

‘Logan?’

These nightmares weren’t getting any less frequent.

In his bedroom, she went through the routine of shaking him awake and making him aware of where he was, and who with, before turning to head to the kitchen and the chocolate and milk.

‘Don’t go. Stay here with me for a bit.’