The Family She Needs

‘The feelings are reciprocated.’

But give it another week and the boy might hate him. He squeezed Mickey tighter, breathed in his boy smell, and looked upwards. James, he’s a cracker kid. Tell me how to do the right thing. Hell, tell me what the right thing is.

‘Where’s Karina?’ Mickey asked as he drove out of town and onto the causeway heading to Nelson. On one side of the road were apple orchards, on the other a tidal estuary.

‘At work.’

She enjoyed her job, and her enthusiasm for her busy life seemed endless, but could that be a cover for the hurt underneath? He’d begun to appreciate her need to make a haven from where she could look life in the eye.

‘Why isn’t she coming with us?’

‘She’s letting us have man-time together.’ His nephew had latched on to Karina like a lifeline. Well, duh, she is his lifeline. So get it sorted, get it right for her, make her life easier.

His foot pressed harder on the accelerator. The lawyers were waiting.

* * *

The house was cold when Karina let herself in after work. The day had dragged, her body ached, and tears had regularly threatened but thankfully hadn’t spilled. She couldn’t have David or Leeann asking what was wrong, or the patients fussing over her.

In the lounge, she cursed. The fire hadn’t been set. There was no kindling chopped, nor any wood in the basket. Those had become Logan’s jobs over the time he’d been here, and obviously they hadn’t been foremost in his mind when he was walking out.

Trudging outside to the woodshed, she picked up the hatchet and began splitting pine for kindling. Dinner. Yeah, well, so what? The chicken she’d planned on baking could stay in the fridge. About all she could face was toast. It wouldn’t hurt Mickey this once.

‘Let me do that. You’re going to lose a finger unless you start watching what you’re doing.’

She leapt up, dropping the axe at her feet. ‘Don’t creep up on me.’

Sadness leaked out of Logan’s eyes. ‘Let’s not play those games. Mickey’s inside, looking for you. I’ll bring the wood in and be on my way.’

Gulp. He had a point. She had lashed out thoughtlessly.

‘Thank you.’

‘Karina, we went to Nelson.’ Mickey’s short arms wrapped around her thighs. ‘It took a long time.’

Placing kisses on his head, she lifted him to stare into his sweet face. ‘You’re home now.’ She loved him so much it terrified her.

‘Logan took me to a big building with lots of windows. The lady gave me a lemonade drink.’

‘That was nice.’ Where had Logan gone? To see his real estate agent? Yeah, I bet he did. Of course he wants this house sold ASAP now that he’s moved out.

About to storm outside and give him a piece of her mind, she hesitated. Slow down, think it through. It wasn’t as if he could sell without her signing papers for the trust lawyers. She’d wait and see what he said.

He said absolutely nothing about his jaunt over to the city.

‘I’ve brought in enough kindling and wood for the rest of the week.’

Don’t say a word. See if he’ll talk about the house, or the surgery. Anything.

‘Thank you.’

‘See you tomorrow, Mickey.’

And he walked out.

That went well.

She snatched bread out of the pantry. A can of baked beans. Mickey’s favourite dinner.

‘I’m hungry.’

Right on cue.

‘Set the table, then.’

He put three mats up, then three sets of cutlery. ‘Where’s Uncle Logan gone?’

That was the thing. She didn’t know. Not that it was a problem. She had his phone number if she needed to get in touch.

‘Into town, sweetheart.’ Please don’t ask me anything else.

‘Will he be back to put me to bed?’

Did she want a tantrum? Or peace and quiet while they ate?

‘Let’s hope so.’ Not quite a lie, but close enough to crank up the guilt.

Thankfully Mickey shrugged and dragged a stool over to the sink, filled three glasses with water. But when she tried to undress him for bed it was a different story.

‘Where’s Uncle Logan? I want him to read to me.’

‘He’s in town, sweetheart. Now, let’s get your shirt off.’

‘No.’ He ducked out of reach.

Damn you, Logan Pascale. ‘Mickey, come here. Now.’ She gritted her teeth and counted to ten. Stood up. ‘Right. Get into bed. Clothes and all.’

She was done arguing.

‘Why won’t he help me?’ Mickey bit his bottom lip and blinked as tears rolled down his face.

‘He’s busy.’ She tentatively made to lift his shirt and was surprised when he let her. ‘Where did you get those bruises?’

Her heart stilled as she studied the purple marks on his upper arm. Three dark marks about the size of a fifty cent piece. Too uniform for a bleeding disorder, surely?

Mickey shut his eyes. ‘Don’t know,’ he whispered as he reached for his pyjama jacket to pull over his singlet.

‘Did you bump into something at kindy, sweetheart?’

He nodded slowly and climbed into bed.

‘You need to watch where you’re going.’

After tucking him into bed, she read him stories until he fell asleep. Dropping a kiss on his forehead, she clicked off the light and headed to the lounge, curled up into a chair.

Where are you staying, Logan? In the firebox flames flicked against the glass, sending a warm glow over the tiles. Will the motel proprietor look after you when the nightmare strikes?

Tears spilled over and poured down to drip off her chin.

Can you bring back the pieces of my heart you’ve stolen? I can’t let you keep them. This wasn’t supposed to be so hard. When did I fall for you? Was it that day I came home to find you lying in front of the fire, holding one tired little boy? O

r the morning you brought me a cup of tea in bed because I’d got up to Mickey three times and to you once during the night?

Could it have occurred during one of those nightmares, when anger and fear had glittered out of his grey eyes as he returned from that place of horror he went to in his sleep?

It didn’t matter. It had happened. And she needed to do something about it. Pull up the barriers and protect what was left.

Her heart stuttered. Too late, her head screamed.

With an exasperated sigh she threw herself out of the chair and went to make hot chocolate. The heck with her hips. This was a serious situation and only chocolate would help. That or Logan apologising and then sitting down with her to talk through everything.

The spoon scraped against the bottom of the pot as she absently stirred the heating milk. Her hand shook slightly. How would she cope if the house was sold? Could she make a haven in another place? There’d been so many changes over the last few months. She wasn’t ready for any more.

Suddenly she was afraid. Afraid of starting again, of finding that some of those things she’d strived to put behind her had come back to torment her.

Logan Pascale had already changed things by being—Logan. She’d been unsettled from the moment she’d first laid eyes on him. She’d begun to want, to wonder, to hope, to feel. There was more to life than what she had. She could have it all and survive happily. But only if she was prepared to step off the edge and give it a go.

There was the crux of the matter. She was not going to take a risk with her heart, her life, her everything ever again. It had been a lonely battle since Maria had died, but she couldn’t let that rule her head. So, even loving Logan as she did, she had to keep him at arm’s length. No, make that at the end of a rainbow. Unattainable. Out of temptation’s way.

She had to ask him exactly what he was up to. His answer should dampen the fire in her belly.

Picking up the phone, she tapped Logan’s number.

‘Karina.’

‘Do you like working in the clinic? Are you tempted to stay on permanently?’

Silence, then the sound of a chair being moved. ‘That’s why you’ve phoned?’