The Midwife's Son

Thank you, Jackson. Until now, learning to swim had been the last thing Nicholas had wanted to do. The pool had been about splashing and jumping. She ruffled his wet hair. ‘I’ll sign you up for lessons this week.’ And thank Jackson in an appropriate fashion once her boy was asleep.

* * *

‘Help me collect driftwood for a bonfire, Nicholas.’ Jackson threw an armful of wood down on the damp sand. The tide was receding fast and they’d be able to light a small fire before darkness set in.

‘Why are we having a fire?’ the boy asked.

‘So we can toast marshmallows on sticks and eat them after dinner.’

‘Won’t they melt?’

Sometimes Nicholas was smarter than he should be for his age. ‘Not if you’re quick.’

‘Are we all sleeping in the tent?’ Nicholas picked up the end of a huge piece of wood and staggered along the beach, dragging it behind him.

‘Yes.’ Damn it. He hadn’t thought that far ahead when he’d had this camping brainwave. Hadn’t considered the frustration of lying with Jess and not being able to make love to her because Nicholas would be with them. It had seemed like a brilliant idea to come out here and give the boy a new experience. Guess he’d have to rein in his hormones for the night. Unless they found a secluded spot away from the tent but close enough to hear if Nicholas woke and got frightened.

‘Hey, you two,’ Jess called from down by the water’s edge. ‘Come and help me collect some cockles to cook for dinner.’

‘What are cockles?’

‘Shellfish,’ Jackson told him. ‘They’re yummy.’ If you got rid of all the sand in the shells.

‘Why don’t we catch them with our rods?’

‘Because they live in the sand and mud. You’ve got to dig for them. See, like Mummy’s doing.’ Jess looked stunning in that orange bikini she wore. All legs and breasts. His mouth dried. When she’d asked if he intended staying on at Golden Bay he’d struggled to say no. Which meant he should be hightailing it out of the country now, not planning a way to get into her sleeping bag tonight.

There was no denying Jess had sneaked in under his skin when he’d been busy looking the other way. Leaving her was going to be incredibly difficult. But he couldn’t take her and Nicholas with him. His eighteenth-floor apartment was definitely not conducive to raising a young child. No, Nicholas was in the perfect place for a boy—swimming and fishing on his doorstep, farms with real animals just as close in the other direction.

‘I want to do the digging, Mummy.’ Once Nicholas got started there was no stopping him. Finally they had to drag him into the water and clean off the mud that covered him from head to toes. ‘Why are you throwing them away?’ he asked when Jackson tipped half their haul back into the mud.

‘Because we’re not allowed too many.’

‘Will the policeman tell us off if you don’t put them back?’

‘Yes. It’s so that we don’t use them all up and can get more another day.’

‘Okay.’

Okay. Life seemed so simple for Nicholas. Give him an explanation and he was happy, not looking for hidden agendas. ‘How about you and I cook the cockles so that Mummy can have a rest?’ Jess’s all-night haul at the birthing unit appeared to be catching up with her. He’d seen her hiding a yawn more than once. ‘Jess, why don’t you curl up in the tent and have a snooze?’

‘Because I’d probably not wake up till morning. I don’t want to miss out on anything.’ Her smile was soft and wistful.

‘I promise to call you for dinner.’ He knew what all-nighters with patients were like. They drained you so that putting one foot in front of the other became hard work. ‘Go on. Nicholas and I will put our rods in the water and see what we can catch. On your way to the tent can you put those cockles in fresh water so they spit out the sand?’ He wasn’t giving her a chance to argue.

‘You promise to call me?’

‘Promise. I’ll have a glass of wine waiting. The potatoes will be cooking and the steak ready to sizzle.’

Another yawn stretched her mouth and she shrugged. ‘Guess I can’t argue with that.’ Picking up the bucket of shellfish, she trudged up the beach and across the road to their camp site.

Jackson only tore his eyes away from her when she reached the tent. His heart ached with need. With love. Love? No way, man. He hadn’t gone and fallen in love with Jessica. No way. So why the pain in his chest? Why the need to wrap her up and look after her? Why spend time with her little boy, teaching him things any father would do if he wasn’t in love with Jess?

No, he couldn’t be. It wasn’t meant to happen like that. Lots of hot sex, and plenty of fun; that was how it went. Harmless, enjoyable, no ties, no future.

He dropped to his haunches and picked up a pebble to hurl it across the water. Where had he gone wrong? How had he made such a monumental error? Right from that first night he’d had no intention of getting too close to Jess. Because no matter what happened, what she hoped for, he was going home to Hong Kong. To his frantic life, his orderly life. His now frightening life—and that damned promise.

Another pebble skimmed across the wavelets. Dropped out of sight under the water. And another, and another. A lonely life it may be, but at least he wasn’t letting anyone down by being too busy for them.

What about Ping’s words of wisdom last week when he’d finally caught up with him on the phone? You are ready to return home. Hong Kong isn’t home for you. Ping had sounded so certain that he’d found he couldn’t argue with his friend. Not that he’d done anything stupid like hand in his notice. No way. But he hadn’t been able to shut Ping out of his brain, especially in the early hours while he lay in bed, waiting for the sun to lift above the horizon so he could go for a run. Ping often came out with Chinese proverbs or other wise bits of advice, but this time Jackson would ignore him.

He might be falling for Jess but he wouldn’t be doing anything about it. He wasn’t prepared to live in the back of beyond where his medical skills would be wasted. And he couldn’t ask Jess to move when she’d only recently settled here and begun making a secure environment for Nicholas to grow up in.

‘Look at me. I can throw stones in the water like you.’ Nicholas stood beside him, his little face earnest as he tried to toss his pebbles as far as the water’s edge.

Might be time to head away, get out of here earlier than planned, save any further heartache that being with Jess would cause. Then there was this little guy who took everything at face value and had accepted him as a part of his life.

‘You’re doing great, Nicholas.’ Jackson stood up and moved behind him, took his elbow and gently pulled it back. ‘Swing your arm back like this. Now fling it forward as hard as you can.’

They continued throwing pebbles until Nicholas tired of that game. ‘Can we go fishing now?’

‘Sure. I’ll go and get the rods and bait.’

‘I’ll do it.’ Without waiting for Jackson, Nicholas raced up the beach. ‘I know where the rods are.’ He was nearing the road too fast.

‘Nicholas, come back here now.’ Panic had Jackson charging after him. ‘Don’t you go on that road, Nicholas,’ he roared. He thought he could hear a vehicle approaching at speed. ‘Nicholas. Stop.’

‘I’m looking both ways.’

‘Wait for me.’ Jackson skidded to a stop beside him at the road’s edge. Hi

s hand gripped the boy’s shoulder. ‘Never run towards a road, sport,’ he gasped around his receding fear. ‘Cars go a lot faster than you do and the driver might not see you.’

‘Mummy told me that.’ Nicholas wriggled his shoulder free and looked right, left, then right again. ‘See. Nothing’s coming. Can I cross now?’

That vehicle had to have been in his imagination because now he’d stopped his mad dash up the beach Jackson couldn’t hear it. Quickly checking both ways, he said in an uneven voice, ‘Yes, you can. Let’s go quietly so we don’t wake your mum.’

* * *

Over an hour later Jackson and Nicholas returned from their fishing expedition with all the bait gone and no fish to show for it.

‘I wanted to catch a fish.’ Nicholas pouted. ‘It’s not fair.’

‘That’s the way of it, sport. If fish were too easy to catch, there’d be no fun in it.’ Jackson stopped at the tent entrance and peered in. Jess lay sprawled face down across the bigger of the two air beds, her hair spread over the pillow. How easy it would be to curl up beside her and push his fingers through that blonde silk. Fishy fingers, he reminded himself.

He turned to Nicholas. ‘Let’s go clean ourselves up. Then we’ll get dinner cooking and wake your mother.’

‘I’m hungry now.’

‘Wash your hands first. You smell of fish bait.’

‘I want something to eat first.’

Jackson sighed. No wonder Jess gave in to Nicholas so often. Otherwise she’d be sounding like the big, bad wolf all the time. ‘You can have a banana as soon as you’re clean.’ He swung Nicholas up under his arm and carried him to the ablutions block, tickling him and getting ear-piercing shrieks for his efforts. So much for keeping quiet, but at least the temper tantrum had been avoided.

With the potatoes baking on the barbecue hot plate and the cockles in a pot ready to steam, Jackson poured a glass of wine and headed for the tent. ‘Wake up, sleepyhead.’ His heart blocked his throat at the sight inside. Jess had rolled onto her back and spread her arms wide, like an invitation. In sleep she had lost that worrying look that had him wondering if she’d got too involved with him, making it easier for him to believe they were merely having an affair that he would shortly walk away from unharmed. Except he already knew it would hurt, that he was too late to save his heart. But he would still have to go.