The Midwife's Son

‘You’re cold. I’ll get your jersey.’

She let him go and find it. Cold had nothing to do with that shiver. But—but all to do with cowardice. She was afraid if she told Jackson she loved him he’d laugh at her or, worse, commiserate and beat a hasty retreat. So she’d remain silent. Coward. If her heart was big enough for more than Nicholas, as people kept telling her, then what was holding her back? Nothing ventured, nothing gained, as they said. Or nothing lost.

But. She was hanging onto her belief that she’d turn out to be like her parents. Did Sasha have a point? Was this belief just an excuse to hide behind because she was afraid of putting her heart on the line? It had hurt when Nicholas’s father had done a bunk, and now, compared with her feelings for Jackson, she saw she hadn’t been as invested in that relationship as she’d thought.

‘Here.’ Jackson held out her jersey. ‘Have you taken to buying everything you wear in orange since the wedding?’ Those delicious lips curved upwards, sending her stomach into a riot of fluttering.

‘No, but I have bought things in apricot shades.’ Underwear, two shirts and the sexiest pair of fitted jeans. ‘Online shopping is an absolute boon when living here.’

Jackson did an eye-roll. ‘Women will always find a way to shop, even if they’re living on Mars.’

‘Sexist.’ Jess and Sasha spoke in unison.

Virginia added her bit. ‘So says the man with the biggest, most expensive wardrobe I’ve ever seen.’

‘Nicholas. Want another game of soccer, sport?’ Jackson grinned.

‘After dinner. I want to eat more salmon. It’s yummy, Mummy. Can you take me to catch more?’

Giving Jackson a mock glare, she answered, ‘You’ve been spoiled today. This is a treat.’

‘We’ll go next time I come home, sport.’

She’d have sworn she was trying not to look at him, but she was—staring. ‘You might come home for another visit?’ she croaked in a squeaky voice that had everyone staring at them both. Don’t. It won’t be fair on Nicholas. Or me.

‘We’d love it if you do.’ Ian filled the sudden silence. ‘But we understand how busy you are over there.’

Jackson looked embarrassed, like he’d made a mistake. ‘I’ve got more leave owing but it’s hard to get away. There’s always a shortage of temporary replacement staff.’ Backpedalling so fast he’d fall on his butt if he wasn’t careful.

Jess forced her disappointment aside. What had she expected? Glancing around the now quiet table, she saw that Jackson’s statement had taken a toll on everyone. Of course Ian and Virginia wanted their son staying home. Now that Virginia was ill it would be more important for them. Sasha would want her brother on hand to help out on the orchard and to be a part of her children’s lives. Everyone was affected by Jackson’s decision and yet he should be able to continue with the career path he’d chosen.

Her gaze stopped on Jackson, noted the way his jaw clenched, his lips whitened. This was the first time he’d got angry in a couple of weeks. Was he angry at himself for hurting his family? Reaching under the table, she laid a hand on his thigh and softly dug her fingers into those tense muscles. ‘Do they make apricot-coloured fishing rods?’

Green eyes locked with hers. Recognition of how she was trying to help him flickered back at her. His Adam’s apple bobbed. Then his mouth softened. ‘No, but I’m sure I can find you an orange one.’

The chuckles around the table were a little forced but soon the conversation was flowing again, this time on safer topics.

Not all the questions buzzing around inside Jess’s head retreated. Instead, they drove her loopy with apprehension, making her feel like she was on a runaway truck, with no hope of stopping, and only disaster at the end. When Jackson offered to drive her home, she shook her head. ‘Not tonight. My boy’s exhausted and so am I. An early night is what we need.’ She needed space to cope with the growing fear of how she’d manage when he left.

‘You’re mad at me for saying earlier I’d go fishing with Nicholas again some time.’ He stood directly in front of her, hands on hips, eyes locked on hers.

‘Not mad, Jackson, disappointed. Nicholas is young. He only sees things in black and white, and everything happens now.’ That was only the beginning of her turmoil.

‘Yeah, I get it. I’m very sorry. I’m not used to youngsters and how their thought processes work.’

‘Says the man who has been absolutely brilliant with Nicholas these past two months.’ She dug her keys out of her bag. ‘Just so you know, I’m not going home alone because of what you told him. I’m bigger than that. I really do need some sleep.’ Some space in my bed so I can think, and not be distracted by your sexy body and persuasive voice.

His lips brushed her cheek. ‘I get that, too. I think. Let me put Nicholas in his car seat.’

She watched with hunger as he strode into the lounge where Nicholas was watching TV with Ian. She watched when he came back with her boy tucked against his chest, Nicholas’s thumb in his mouth as he desperately tried to stay awake. Her hunger increased as he carefully clicked the seat belt around her son and brushed curls off his face. She shouldn’t have turned him down. Climbing inside her car, she watched as he bent down and kissed her, long and tenderly. So tenderly he brought tears to her eyes. And a lump to her throat. She needed to be with him. She needed to be alone.

* * *

Jackson watched Jess drive out onto the road for the short trip back to her place. It took all his willpower not to run after her, to follow her home and slip into bed to hold her tight.

How the hell was he going to leave Jess? His heart ached now and he still had four weeks left to be with her. Impossible to imagine how he’d feel once he stepped onto that plane heading northeast.

Don’t go. Stay here. Everyone wants you to. That much had been painfully obvious at dinnertime. Surprising how easy it might be to do exactly that. Stay. Become a part of the community he’d been in such a hurry to leave when he’d been a teen. If he stayed, what would he do for work? On average he’d have one emergency a week to deal with. Unless he worked in Nelson. Only two hours’ drive away. He could commute or get a small apartment, return home on his days off. Not the perfect way to have a relationship but it had worked for Mum and Dad. Nah, he did not want that for him and Jess.

As the taillights of Jess’s car disappeared he headed for the deck and some quiet time. Inside, Sasha and Mum were arguing light-heartedly about who had the best chocolate-cake recipe. Dad was still watching TV. Or was he catnapping, as he often did when he thought no one was looking?

Family. He loved them. Leaving Golden Bay back then hadn’t been about them. Being young and brash, he’d always believed they would be around for ever. That whenever he chose to return, family life would be as it had always been. And it was. Yet it was different. There were additions: Grady, Melanie and the unborn baby. Dad no longer disappeared to the other side of the world every second week. Then there was Mum. His rock when he’d been growing up, always there with a ready ear and a loving word. Now he should be here for her. That promise shouldn’t keep him from those he loved, yet he was afraid to ignore it. His word was important.

He was avoiding the real issue. Jessica Baxter.

Jess

hadn’t had what he and Sasha got from Mum and Dad, yet she’d slotted into his family: best mates with Sasha; a surrogate daughter to his parents. Often she could be found helping out in the orchard or doing the ironing or scrubbing the floor. If anyone was the outsider in his family it was him. Only because he lived so damned far away, but it was reason enough.

‘Want a beer?’ Grady’s question cut through the crap in his head.

‘Thanks.’ He took the proffered bottle, dropped onto a chair and swung his feet up onto the deck railing. The cold liquid was like nectar. ‘That’s bloody good.’

‘Nothing’s ever easy, is it?’

He presumed Grady was talking about the things going on in his head. ‘Nope.’

They sat in a comfortable silence, drinking their beer, replenishing the bottles when they dried up, not bothering with unnecessary talk. They both knew the situation. Why keep talking about it? As far as brothers-in-law went, Sasha had got him a good one.

The temperature had cooled, and the air felt heavy with dew. Summer was giving way to autumn and the temperatures were beginning to reflect that, day and night. Soon the holiday homeowners would clean down their boats and put them away for winter. They’d lock up their houses and go home. What would Jess do over winter? Would she hunker down for the cold months or get out there, continuing to visit people: checking they had enough firewood to see them through; taking food and books to the older folk living outside the township boundaries; keeping an eye on their health?

No guesses there. He knew the answer. Jess was generous beyond generous. No matter that she thought it was about repaying folk for the bad things she’d done as a wild teenager. It wasn’t that at all. Jess was kind and generous to a fault. Couldn’t help being so good to others.