Resisting Her Army Doc Rival

Slap. A pile of files hit the desk. Then another, and another. There. Plenty to keep her busy and her mind off anything that wasn’t army related. Dropping into the chair, she propped her elbows on the desk and got down to business. She would not acknowledge Sam was gone, wouldn’t admit he’d even been here. She’d been a fool to think anything would be different just because she’d laid herself on the line. Now she’d bury the whole episode in work.

But an hour later she raised her head when a plane flew over the base. ‘Goodbye, Sam Lowe.’

* * *

‘That was a boring patrol,’ Cassy quipped as she unloaded the medical kit from her backpack in the medical unit.

‘Like you want exciting,’ Madison retorted. She was more than happy to return to base with no casualties and no bullets fired. ‘Or do you?’

‘Not if I’m in serious danger,’ Cassy admitted. ‘Life is for grabbing with both hands, but I might add not if it’s at risk of being cut short.’

‘I understand.’ But did she? The fire had shut her down in every way possible. She’d studied hard to gain her qualifications, and appreciated being able to give back hope to people who were despairing because of a medical condition playing havoc with their lives. But she hadn’t moved forward an inch if the heaviness of her heart was an indicator.

Instead she’d repeated her mistakes. Talk about a slow learner. It had to have been hope that had seen her opening up to Sam. It certainly hadn’t been common sense. That would’ve said, Don’t go there because there’ll only be one outcome. An outcome she was now struggling to cope with. Despite everything, her dreams were full of Sam every night. It had been better when she couldn’t sleep, had tossed and turned for hours.

Madison made herself a bitterly strong coffee in an attempt to crank up her cells and squash the tiredness dragging her down. She took it out into the sun.

Life is for grabbing with both hands.

Funny how most people didn’t get that until something big threatened or overwhelmed them. As for her, she’d got it but had determinedly ignored the message, afraid of what waited out there for her. Her one, brief foray over the line had bitten back hard. Sam was not, would never be, a part of her future. He’d made that very clear.

She’d fought hard to get beyond the results of the fire, and physically she’d made it. But the hurt dealt to her heart had remained, had made her scared to risk opening up to anyone. Then along came Sam. His reaction to her messed-up body had been little short of amazing, and she’d been quick to let her desire take over.

But in the harsh light of reality fear still lurked in the shadows of her mind. Because if everything had been fine with him then where was he? Why wasn’t she receiving texts and emails from him, telling her what he was up to? Telling her his plans and where he might next be sent with the army?

It seemed he’d been better at covering up his reactions than her ex.

Pulling her knees up, Madison dropped her chin on them and hugged herself tight. Sam had said and done the right things but he didn’t want her. Whether that was because of her scars or because he didn’t love her, it didn’t matter. He didn’t want her.

And she’d known it before they’d made love.

Known he didn’t love her.

Her own feelings had been hazy until they’d made love.

There’d been sparks between them from the get-go. Sparks. She shuddered. How had she overlooked that? Sparks were dangerous, they burned people with the fire they created. Yet she’d put her heart out there to be consumed.

During the ten days Sam had been gone she’d filled her time and mind with work, and then more work. There were patrols most days, and troops requiring basic medical consults after returning to base. When time was dragging with nothing to distract her she’d go into town to help at the hospital. Most nights she fell into bed without pulling her shirt off, she was that tired. Somehow Sam still raged in her head, never left her in peace.

It didn’t seem to matter how hard she tried to banish him, he would not go away. She had let him in because she hadn’t been able to keep him out. Extricating him was proving to be beyond her. She needed to get on with finding a different kind of happiness than she’d grown up thinking was her right. It’s why she’d come here in the first place, yet in a matter of days she’d lost her way, forgotten everything she’d learned over the past two years. All she had to do now was get back on track, put down plans for the future that wouldn’t trip her up.

Sounded absolutely wonderful, if impossible.

Well, what else was she supposed to do?

Grab life with both hands.

‘Captain, got a minute?’ Cassy asked from the doorway.

Her body ached as she unwound from the top step and tipped the revolting coffee into the dirt. ‘Sure.’

Got twenty-four hours’ worth of them.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

SAM STEPPED OUT of the Auckland taxi into the drizzle outside the downtown restaurant William’s fiancée had recommended for this catch-up.

‘Hey, Sam, looking good. The army always agreed with you.’ Ally was running towards him from further along the pavement where another taxi was pulling away from the kerb. She leapt at him, threw her arms around his shoulders and plopped a sisterly kiss on his cheek.

Sam struggled to grapple with this welcome after expecting Ally to be quiet and sad. And still blaming him. ‘Hey, you’re looking pretty swish yourself. Being a barrister suits you.’

She slipped out of his arms and smoothed her jacket. ‘Isn’t that so? It’s been a steep learning curve, though.’ Now she was quieter, less relaxed with him. More like the Ally he’d been expecting. ‘Let’s get out of the weather and order some wine. There’s a lot to catch up on.’

Oh, he bet there was. Nothing he wanted to talk about but he’d contacted her for a purpose so backing out now wasn’t an option. Not if he wanted to start living life to the full again. And he did. If nothing else had come out of his encounter with Maddy it was that he’d discovered how much he’d been missing out on since William’s death. Of course that had been deliberate, his punishment. But even jail sentences came to an end, and he sensed his was coming.

Seated in the restaurant’s lounge area, wine on the table between them, Sam studied the woman whose life had been tossed upside down by William’s death. Where was that crippling sadness that had kept her in bed for weeks afterwards? ‘Tell me about t

he law firm you’ve joined.’ He’d start with the easy stuff, and hopefully Ally would relax again.

Her eyes brightened and her mouth tipped up into a generous smile, though probably not for him. ‘I have been so fortunate. All because I studied with the son of one of the partners of Auckland’s top litigation firms. He put my name forward to his dad and before I knew it I had an interview and a job. I’m a very small player in the scheme of things but loving every minute of it.’

‘You won’t stay on the bottom rung for long, if I know anything about you.’ She had a sharp mind and had often talked about the excitement of a courtroom in the middle of a trial.

‘I agree.’ Her laughter tinkled in the air between them.

Once he’d have given everything to hear her laugh again after William had been taken from her, but now he struggled to understand how she could be so happy. Of course he was pleased for her, but also a little confused. ‘I’m glad you’ve got your mojo back.’

‘Oh, Sam, it’s so exciting some days I keep thinking I’ll wake up and find this job—all of this—was only a dream.’ Her smile faded, and the shine of her eyes dimmed.

‘So how are you really?’ he asked quickly.

‘While my career is catapulting me ever upwards, it’s not what I’d wished for, planned on. This is a new life for me, very different from what William and I had been looking forward to.’ Ally took a gulp of wine and set her glass carefully on the table.

When she raised her eyes to his Sam felt a frisson of concern slither down his spine. ‘I totally understand, and admire you for what you’ve done.’

‘There are days, weeks even, when I’m crippled with missing him.’ No need to say his name. They both understood.

‘You and me both.’ He stared into his glass, then back to her. ‘It never leaves me.’

She nodded slowly. ‘I wish...’ Her sigh was loud between them, filled with all the things she’d once shouted at him—the blame, the anger and pain, the tears.