Her All Along

He grinned sheepishly. “Thanks, man.”

“No problem.” I followed him out toward the loud voices in the backyard. I’d been told it would just be a small get-together, but that was a relative term around this family.

I spotted the usual suspects in the seating area out on the lawn; Darius had Pipsqueak perched on his lap, and Jake and Ethan looked to be comforting Willow.

The patio held plenty of people, some of whom I recognized. James and Mary, who had somehow managed to raise all these Irish hellions, then a few aunts, uncles, one very old grandmother, and cousins. James was manning the grill, of course.

Mary was talking to someone, laughing, and I caught her making the sign of the cross, something she often did in a “God help us” kind of way.

I went through some polite hellos before I managed to make it out to the lawn.

“Hi, Mister!” Pipsqueak sang.

“Hey, birthday girl.” I mustered a faint smile and handed her the little envelope.

“For me?” She blushed and wouldn’t make direct eye contact. Then she whispered something in Darius’s ear, and he rumbled a chuckle.

I turned my attention to Jake as he stood up, visibly concerned about Willow. If I were to venture a guess, I’d say she was upset because he was leaving. They were very close. Right now, though, Ethan seemed to be calming her down.

“Make sure you come back to us in one piece, my friend.” I extended the whiskey bottle and squeezed his shoulder.

“That’s the goal.” The corners of his eyes crinkled with his smile. “Thanks, Ave.” He cleared his throat and eyed the label of the bottle. “Can I have a word?”

I knitted my brows together. “Of course.”

We walked over to a vacant patch on the lawn, and he appeared to struggle a bit with what he was going to say.

“Everything all right?” I asked.

“Yeah. Yeah. Just—” He glanced at the others over his shoulder, then faced me again. “With Ryan in Iraq, Darius heading to Lebanon, and me going to Afghanistan, it’s gonna be pretty empty here for a while. Plus, Lias goes back to school in the fall.”

I nodded with a dip of my chin. “I’ll be here. I’ll help Ethan check in on the girls.”

His hazel eyes flashed with relief. “I appreciate it, buddy. Cheers.”

“Don’t mention it.” If there was one family I cared for, it was this one.

They were the exception that proved the rule. Happily married parents, five brothers who were all close, and the two girls their folks had adopted about seven or eight years ago—two girls who now had all the brothers wrapped around their pinkie fingers.

“Hey, maybe you don’t re-up next time,” I suggested foolishly. “Make this your last tour and come home so I can mock you when you get your ass back to school.”

He smirked. “I’d make one hell of a math teacher.”

“A wet dream for certain students and the mothers, that’s for sure,” I muttered. He was about my height at six-two, maybe six-three, but he had muscles in places I didn’t know they could exist.

He let out a laugh and clapped me on the back. “I don’t know.” The humor faded into a low chuckle, and he scratched the back of his head. “I can’t imagine starting over again. I’ll be forty in a few years. Can you believe that shit?”

“I mean, you could focus on being thirty-five for a while first.”

He lifted a shoulder and shifted where he stood so he could look over at his brothers and sisters. Lias and his girlfriend, Evelina, had joined them now too.

“Still,” he murmured. “I reckon a few of us were born to be grunts.”

I didn’t believe that for a second. I didn’t want to.

I knew their father was an old Army soldier, but he was bothered by so many of his boys going off to fight wars too.

“So, Darius is going to Lebanon, huh?” That was more than he’d told me last night. I believed his exact words had been “a four-month stint in Europe’s backyard.”

“You didn’t hear that from me.” Jake smirked.

Sure, sure.

My phone buzzed in the pocket of my slacks as Jake asked me how everything was going with the divorce, and I replied as I checked my messages.

“It’s going as expected…” I trailed off when I saw the message was from my mother. It immediately shot a bout of nausea into me, and bile crawled up my throat. Oh God, no.

kgdjfs

She didn’t fucking know how to send text messages; she was too deranged, too frail, and her fingers shook incessantly, so this was how she reminded me of her existence.

Another popped up.

Ldwlweo4

“You okay, Ave?”

I swallowed hard and nodded shortly, hurriedly pocketing my phone. “Yes. Let’s enjoy the barbecue.” I had to clear my throat repeatedly and push down the anxiety that threatened to surface. It was slapped into place, like a vise around my chest that sent radiating bolts of pain down my arm and numbed my fingers.