The Daughter In Law

“That I do son thanks for thinking of me.” Momma rubbed his cheek and I thought Atilla was going to pop her one; which would’ve been a really bad move on her part because mom would wipe the floor with her over inflated ass.

“I didn’t know you called your mother in law mom. Son.”

Clueless actually answered her like they were having just your average run of the mill conversation. “Yes I do, she asked me to and well, she’s my mom now too in a way.”

Oh please don’t let this bitch croak when I don’t have my camera. That’s the kind of shit you need for posterity’s sake.

Oh boy oh boy oh boy this was getting so good. Clueless had no idea of the shit storm that was brewing, hagfish was about to blow and the little skank that could was about to pop.

“So Vanessa I didn’t know you knew my friend Jasper Nash.” Here she goes, I wondered how long it would take her.

“He told me you two met at his mansion the other day, for lunch.” She sneered at me and I wanted to gouge her eye out.

“Yes we did, have you been there yet? it’s gorgeous. Especially the master suite, I had a lot of fun working in there.” I tried to keep a straight face but then clueless had to go and spoil it.

“Who’s this Jasper guy?” He didn’t look too pleased about this turn of events. I pulled his head down and whispered in his ear. “Remember the pictures I showed you of the mansion the guy wants to redecorate as a surprise for his new bride?”

“Oh yeah I forgot.” He was back to smiling again.

When she realized there were no fireworks forthcoming she went back to looking like she was passing a gallstone.

I was getting settled into my bouillabaisse when momma the shit stirrer really did it.

“So when are you guys coming out to New York, what day I mean? I hope you’re not just gonna come up Xmas eve. Your father and I are looking forward to having at least a week with you guys this time. We can go shopping a few days before and Dami we can take you ice skating at Rockefeller Plaza, you’ll love it.”

“Wait what? what’s going on?” Haggie had her hackles raised. “You’re going to be gone for the holidays?”

“Yes mom, I thought we talked about this before. We spent Thanksgiving with you this year and we’re spending Xmas with Nessa’s parents.”

“Yes, well, I didn’t think anything was settled. Our family has always spent the holidays together. I’m sure Jackie and Dan wouldn’t mind if you came later; would you?” She looked at my mom. This lady really is ass stupid.

Before mom could answer I felt Damien tense beside me. “No mom, it’s settled, we’ve already made our plans.” Cue the hostile glares in my direction. I kept my head in my bowl because it was too soon to laugh in her horrid face, but the strain was killing me.

“Well now my dinner’s been ruined. I can’t believe you’d spring a thing like this on me just a few short weeks before the holiday. It’s very inconsiderate, and after all the trouble I’ve gone to to make it special.”

“Leave it alone Mabel, the kids have their plans set already. No sense in spoiling everyone’s evening.” Poor Clarence, he tries.

“Oh stuff it Clarence, don’t expect me to sit here and watch my family being destroyed and say nothing. She’s been nothing but a headache ever since she came along. Nothing’s ever been the same and now this. My own son is deserting me on the most precious day of the year.” Cue the waterworks. Was this bitch high or had they upped her meds? Usually she never showed her ass in mixed company, she usually saved that shit for our special alone time. Like when we used to take bathroom breaks together. I’d wised up to that shit quick though and soon started finding any excuse not to be alone with the demon spawn.

Clueless was wearing a curious look on his face like he still didn’t get it. I guess mom had schooled dad, because although I could see the vein popping in his forehead, he held his peace. I had yet to say a word edgewise, this was the Mabel Spencer show for one.

“I don’t appreciate your sneaky underhanded tactics young lady. You know how important it is for me to have family around me for the holidays, I thought we understood that. But I see I was wrong. You waited until my back was turned and worked your wiles on my son to get your way. I guess that’s to be expected from your sort. Now my family will be torn apart for the holidays, something that’s never happened before. The only good thing about this is that I won’t have to have you in my home. I won’t have to spoil my holiday by sharing it with the likes of you. I hope you’re pleased with yourself you selfish little home wrecker.”