Healing Aiden (Lords of Discord 5)

But there was quiet desperation and fear trembling in those words.

What about us?

There had never been an “us,” but that didn’t stop Aiden from dreaming. It didn’t keep his heart from longing for Ronan to one day reach out to him and touch his cheek. To look at him with more than friendly fondness. To taste the same lips that had brushed across the mouths of countless maidens over the years.

“Ronan…” Aiden said in a strangled whisper. He took another step backward, trying to get his bearings under the weight of Ronan’s demand. His shoulders bumped into a tree trunk, stopping his retreat.

His friend smiled, but it was a sad one as he moved toward him. “Now you say my name.”

“You have always been my prince,” Aiden murmured. “Even if your father had never become king, you would still be my prince.”

“And you are my Aiden with the golden eyes. The only man I trust. The only person I have ever loved.” Slowly, Ronan reached up and cupped Aiden’s cheek, his hand trembling as if he expected Aiden to reject him. Nothing in this world would make Aiden turn his oldest friend away. Not even under the threat of torture and death would Aiden miss this one moment.

“I…I didn’t know.”

Aiden’s mind was reeling while his heart sang out its joy. He’d never thought Ronan could feel the same way. That he could ever see him as more than a friend or even a brother.

Some of the frustration drained from Ronan’s expression, and the cast of his smile grew more rueful. “You thought you were alone in your adoration. You thought I didn’t notice your long looks or how you struggled not to reach out to me. How you’d make a fist to keep your fingers at your side.” He huffed a soft laugh. “But then, you didn’t know that every woman I fucked, I wished she was you. You have no idea how I’ve longed to hear your voice cry out my name in pleasure.”

Aiden turned his face into his friend’s hand, his lips tingling as they finally brushed along his palm. This stolen moment was already more than he’d ever thought he’d have with Ronan, but now that he had this, he was greedy. His heart was demanding more. Demanding everything. The sweet taste of joy was already turning to sorrow.

“What are we going to do?”

“Each day’s march toward home has left me beating my brain for an answer.” Ronan pulled his hand away to hammer it on his own head as if it could shake loose the solution he wanted. “If we walk through those gates, I fear we have but two answers. One is to keep you by my side as my protector and advisor, forcing you to watch as I marry someone I don’t care for and praying that we can have a stolen second here or there. The other is to send you away. Give you land and a castle. Order you to find a bride and father children.” His voice softened to a whisper. “Command you to live a good life away from me since we cannot have one together.”

“It would be the only command I would fail, because I have no life without you.”

“Then we have no other option,” Ronan said firmly.

Aiden’s heart picked up its pace, hope and fear warring in his chest. “What are you thinking?”

“That we keep walking tonight. We disappear into the woods and head south until we reach the ocean. We buy passage on a boat and we cross into a new land. We walk until we find a place where the world does not know us, and we can start new.” Ronan’s hand returned to Aiden’s cheek, and he stepped close enough that their chests brushed against one another. “We save money to buy a farm or maybe a tiny inn. We let the world forget about us and build the life we want.”

Aiden’s heart ached in his chest, and his throat was raw with unshed tears. Ronan painted a beautiful fantasy for a new life. It was more than he’d ever let himself dream. The way Ronan laid it out so clearly and quickly made him think Ronan had been pondering this idea for far longer than just the march home.

Ronan loved him. He’d always believed Ronan loved him as a brother, but this…it was so much more. His beautiful, brave prince loved him. He was willing to walk away from everything, a grand destiny and life, so he could have his Aiden.

For one shining, perfect heartbeat, Aiden let himself believe they could have that dream, that they could escape and build a happy life together. He let himself believe that he could hold his Ronan and feel the beat of his heart, the tender brush of his lips. That they would share a lifetime of laughter and heartache together.