Rage of Angels

Jennifer and Adam Warner were together almost every night.

He spent the first night at her uncomfortable little apartment and in the morning he declared, "We're taking the day off to find you a decent place to live."

They went apartment hunting together, and late that afternoon Jennifer signed a lease in a new high-rise building off Sutton Place, called The Belmont Towers. The sign in front of the building had read Sold Out.

"Why are we going in?" Jennifer asked.

"You'll see."

The apartment they looked at was a lovely five-room duplex, beautifully furnished. It was the most luxurious apartment Jennifer had ever seen. There was a master bedroom and bath upstairs, and downstairs a guest bedroom with its own bath and a living room that had a spectacular view of the East River and the city. There was a large terrace, a kitchen and a dining room.

"How do you like it?" Adam asked.

"Like it? I love it," Jennifer exclaimed, "but there are two problems, darling. First of all, I couldn't possibly afford it. And secondly, even if I could, it belongs to someone else."

"It belongs to our law firm. We leased it for visiting VIP's. I'll have them find another place."

"What about the rent?"

"I'll take care of that. I - "

"No."

"That's crazy, darling. I can easily afford it and - "

She shook her head. "You don't understand, Adam. I have nothing to give you except me. I want that to be a gift."

He took her in his arms and Jennifer snuggled against him and said, "I know what - I'll work nights."

Saturday they went on a shopping spree. Adam bought Jennifer a beautiful silk nightgown and robe at Bonwit Teller, and Jennifer bought Adam a Turnbull & Asser shirt. They purchased a chess game at Gimbel's and cheesecake in Junior's near Abraham & Straus. They bought a Fortnum & Mason plum pudding at Altman's, and books at Doubleday. They visited the Gammon Shop and Caswell-Massey, where Adam bought Jennifer enough potpourri to last for ten years. They had dinner around the corner from the apartment.

They would meet at the apartment in the evening after work and discuss the day's events, and Jennifer would cook dinner while Adam set the table. Afterward, they read or watched television or played gin rummy or chess. Jennifer prepared Adam's favorite dishes.

"I'm shameless," she told him. "I won't stop at anything."

He held her close. "Please don't."

It was strange, Jennifer thought. Before they began their affair they saw each other openly. But now that they were lovers, they dared not appear in public together, so they went to places where they were not apt to run into friends: small family restaurants downtown, a chamber music concert at the Third Street Music School Settlement. They went to see a new play at the Omni Theatre Club on 18th Street and had dinner at the Grotta Azzurra on Broome Street, and ate so much that they swore off Italian food for a month. Only we don't have a month, Jennifer thought. Mary Beth was returning in fourteen days.

They went to The Half Note to hear avant-garde jazz in the Village, and peeked into the windows of the small art galleries.

Adam loved sports. He took Jennifer to watch the Knicks play, and Jennifer got so caught up in the game she cheered until she was hoarse.

On Sunday they lazed around, having breakfast in their robes, trading sections of the Times, listening to the church bells ring across Manhattan, each offering up its own prayer.

Jennifer looked over at Adam absorbed in the crossword puzzle and thought: Say a prayer for me. She knew that what she was doing was wrong. She knew that it could not last. And yet, she had never known such happiness, such euphoria. Lovers lived in a special world, where every sense was heightened, and the joy Jennifer felt now with Adam was worth any price she would have to pay later. And she knew she was going to have to pay.

Time took on a different dimension. Before, Jennifer's life had been measured out in hours and meetings with clients. Now her time was counted by the minutes she could spend with Adam. She thought about him when she was with him, and she thought about him when she was away from him.

Jennifer had read of men having heart attacks in the arms of their mistresses, and so she put the number of Adam's personal physician in her private telephone book by her bedside so that if anything ever happened it could be handled discreetly and Adam would not be embarrassed.

Jennifer was filled with emotions that she had not known existed in her. She had never thought of herself as being domestic, but she wanted to do everything for Adam. She wanted to cook for him, to clean for him, to lay out his clothes in the morning. To take care of him.

Adam kept a set of clothes at the apartment, and he would spend most nights with Jennifer. She would lie next to him, watching him fall asleep, and she would try to stay awake as long as possible, terrified of losing a moment of their precious time together. Finally, when Jennifer could keep her eyes open no longer, she would snuggle in Adam's arms and fall asleep, contented and safe. The insomnia that had plagued Jennifer for so long had vanished. Whatever night devils had tormented her had disappeared. When she curled up in Adam's arms, she was instantly at peace.

She enjoyed walking around the apartment in Adam's shirts, and at night she would wear his pajama top. If she was still in

It seemed that all the popular love songs she heard had been written for Adam and her, and Jennifer thought, Noel Coward was right. It's amazing how potent cheap music can be.

In the beginning, Jennifer had thought that the overwhelming physical feeling they had for each other would diminish in time, but instead it grew stronger.

She told Adam things about herself that she had never told another human being. With Adam, there were no masks. She was Jennifer Parker, stripped naked, and still he loved her. It was a miracle. And they shared another miracle together: laughter.

Impossibly, she loved Adam more each day. She wished that what they had would never end. But she knew it would. For the first time in her life, she became superstitious. There was a special blend of Kenya coffee that Adam liked. Jennifer bought some every few days.

But she bought only one small can at a time.

One of Jennifer's terrors was that something would happen to Adam when he was away from her and that she would not know it until she read about it, or heard about it on a news program. She never told Adam of her fears.

Whenever Adam was going to be late he would leave notes for Jennifer around the apartment where she would come upon them unexpectedly. She would find them in the breadbox or in the refrigerator, or in her shoe; they delighted her, and she saved each one.

Their last remaining days together raced by in a blur of joyous activity. Finally, it was the night before Mary Beth was to return. Jennifer and Adam had dinner in the apartment, listened to music and made love. Jennifer lay awake all night, holding Adam in her arms. Her thoughts were of the happiness they had shared.

The pain would come later.

At breakfast, Adam said, "Whatever happens, I want you to know this - you're the only woman I've ever truly loved."

The pain came then.