My Little Farm Girl

I felt guilty for my feelings, but couldn’t seem to help them. He was so perfect, at least in my dreams he was. That wild burnish copper hair and those eyes that had seemed to look right into my deepest self.

No one had ever looked at me the way he had that night. Had ever made my heart beat out of control. I knew I had a stupid crush on him and that there was no way he’d ever return my feelings, but none of that stopped me from seeing his face in my dreams, or wishing…

When the calls never came I put it out of my mind. Maybe he called her on her cell phone, though I never saw her on it in the evenings or heard its shrill ringtone after she’d ordered me to bed while she paced the apartment back and forth until all hours of the night.

Her odd behavior had only worked to convince me more and more that she was like aunt Nettie, and I’d begun to feel sorry for her.

So it was easy to overlook her nasty remarks about my hair and my body or the clothes I wore. I promised myself that I would go shopping with my first paycheck and buy some things that wouldn’t as she said ‘shame her’.

But then today happened and I was back to being confused. I wasn’t expecting the slap across the face and was too stunned to react for the first few seconds.

“Don’t you sass me you little bitch, after everything I’ve done for you this is the thanks I get? Who told you you could sign a contract without my say-so? I’m in charge of you while you’re here, your parents are expecting me to look out for you.”

“But isn’t this a good thing? It’s not acting but they want me to be the new face of the company, isn’t that just as good for now?” Silly me was still trying to reason with her.

“I bet you went crying to him that night he picked you up at the train station didn’t you? How did you pull it off, did you suck his dick?”

My mouth had fallen open then at the harsh bitter words and it was all I could do to stand there and listen to her tirade.

Then she’d seen the phone in my hand with the cute sparkly butterfly on the case. I was clutching it in my hand and had all but forgotten that it was there.

Callan had taken it out of the box and programmed all his numbers in it before giving it back.

That gesture had made me feel so warm and special, like he really cared. And if it turned out he was just doing it for business reasons there was nothing wrong with me pretending that he’d done it because he liked me.

Even as green as I am, I knew there was no reason for him to give me all of his private numbers here and abroad just for work.

“Where did you get that?” She was breathing really hard at this point and I instinctively took a step back. It’s a good thing I did because she shoved the file cabinet towards me. Lucky for me, it’s one of those ones that have wheels so instead of toppling over on top of me it sailed out the door and crashed into the wall.

I was momentarily, distracted by that, and it gave her time to grab my new phone from my hand and throw it against the opposite wall in her office. I don’t know why that should upset me more than all the horrible things that she’d said, but it did.

“I don’t understand why you’re being so mean to me…” that seemed to send her over the edge. By now I knew the others were listening in, as there was a wall of silence coming from outside the door.

I was mortified to say the least and though it’s not my usual style, for once I wanted to lash out at her, but I didn’t. I looked down at the broken phone and turned to leave the room. I didn’t know where I was going but I had to get out of there. I’d barely made it one week in New York; that must be some kind of record.

“Where do you think you’re going you little bitch?”

“I’m going to tell Cal…” I’d started to say I was going to tell him that I couldn’t take the job because I was going home. It seemed silly to be giving up that easy but I couldn’t stay with her one more night knowing what she thought of me.

She flew at me then, her nails drawn into claws as she spewed more hate at me. In the midst of it I made out the words ‘he’s mine and all he wants you for is a cheap fuck’. That’s when the others got involved and tried to protect me from her.

Next thing I knew, Callan was there and I felt even worst. I would never see him again, never hear his voice or see that smile.

I felt the loss like a pain in my chest. But then he was holding me, and everything felt right again, even though I knew it wouldn’t last. I’d been nothing but trouble since I got here, at least that’s what aunt Marion had said, so it was probably best if I left.