Welcome to E. Mayberry

He let go of my hands and pointed at a spot a few houses down. It was a garage sale. One woman was bent over a table while another woman struck her ass with a whip. Their laughter floated on the breeze until it arrived at my ears. It was all innocent fun but I could see what he meant. Most parents and grandparents wouldn’t get it. Mine wouldn’t, if they cared enough to enquire.

“So I’m the perfect planned girlfriend,” I said, “I’m like a Stepford Wife or something. No connections to the outside world.”

Bastian laughed and kissed my forehead.

“Sunshine,” he said, “You’re so much more than that. If you’ll have me that long, I hope one day we’ll be sitting out on our front porch in rocking chairs like them.”

He pointed at a different house and an elderly couple sitting together drinking what looked like soda or probably sweet tea. They rocked back and forth and looked out over the neighborhood, like two very pleasant gargoyles. When they spotted us looking, they passed a wave which we happily returned.

“They don’t look like they belong here,” I said.

“Shit,” he said under his breath, “That couple right there is the perfect example of what we all strive for. She’s the owner, he’s the pet, and they moved in here maybe ten years ago, right around the time I did. I think they’ve gotten to the point where they don’t swap partners anymore but they used to all the time.”

“Really? They look so happy.”

“Cause they are. Sexual pleasure with someone else isn’t cheating as long as you both agree to it. Don’t let strings be attached. If it’s purely for pleasure and you come back to each other after, there could be nothing better for a relationship. Think about where the stress comes from in a relationship…later on I mean, after the initial passion fades.

“Money,” I said. “That’s what I’ve heard anyway. I’ve never been in a serious relationship of the kind you’re talking about.”

“Money can be a big issue,” he said. “Probably the biggest. Okay, you got me there, but other than that it can oftentimes come from the stress of HAVING to perform for the other when you’re not in the mood or from the woman not feeling attractive enough or the man not staying hard long enough. Sex can be stressful, man.”

He had a point. When I was with my ex, God, I didn’t even want to say his name. The wound was still too fresh, too raw…but we sometimes weren’t in the mood to have sex since we both did it all day on screen.

Bastian cupped my ass through my dress and probably by accident spread my cheeks enough to hurt slightly. I loved it. My pussy responded as usual, with that twinge and wetness to follow.

“Think about all the sweetness of a relationship, all the front porch rocking, and the sexual part is there when you want it,” he said. “When a break is needed, you let somebody else take care of that for you, but you come right back and eat dinner together and laugh at old reruns of your favorite show.”

“You make it all make sense,” I said. “But I don’t think I could stand seeing you with someone else.”

“Then I won’t be with anyon

e else until you agree,” he promised. “Scout’s honor.”

“You weren’t even a fucking scout,” I said as I turned my head and rested my cheek on his chest.

The garage sale was livening up by the moment and I decided I wanted to check it out. But first, one more question.

“What about children?” I asked. “Obviously there are none here. How is that possible? With all the sex going on all the time you’d think there’d be toddlers all over the place.”

He reached down and fingered my necklace.

“This,” he said. “It does a few things. It keeps you always in a chill state and it stops you from having your period without all the horrible side effects of menopause. It also stimulates your hormones, making you twice as horny as you’d usually be.”

“You’re kidding,” I said as I looked down at my necklace, tracing the grooves of my carved out name with my pinky finger. “Whoever created this thing is a genius.”

“Thank you,” he said.

“You didn’t!”

“No, I didn’t,” he replied. “But I did help.”

“But what about the female owners?” I asked. “Like that girl Nancy. She’s having a lot of sex and she doesn’t have a necklace.”

“You didn’t read everything in the welcome package, did you?” he asked.

I laughed and it was clear I didn’t.

“I started to,” I said, “But I didn’t finish going through everything.”