“But what if we tried? What if you let me in?”
She looked up at him without speaking, studying him as if to expose all of his secrets. When she finally spoke, he almost wished she hadn’t. “Let you in? I did let you in tonight, even though you could care less about how I’ve been. Tell me something, Mark. If you hadn’t driven into a freaking ditch—would you have stopped by? Would you have even remembered me as you zoomed by in your Maserati, back to your wonderful life?”
He opened his mouth and then closed it—unable to lie to her, yet not wanting to tell her the truth, either. “I would’ve kept driving, but you don’t even live here anymore. I knew that.”
“Don’t give me that excuse. If you wanted to see me, you could’ve asked Eve.”
His eyes flashed. “I didn’t—”
“Exactly. You didn’t.” She lifted her chin and stared him down, despite the tears shining in her eyes. “You were fine without me all of these years, and you’ll be fine without me again. This is nothing more than old feelings being brought back to life. It’s nothing.”
“It’s not nothing. We’re not nothing.” He grit his teeth, not willing to let her trivialize his feelings.
She shook her head slightly, her mouth pressed tight together. “I’m sorry if you got the wrong idea when I invited you to stay the night, but you need to realize I’m not some discarded toy you can pick back up when you decide I’m interesting again—only to throw me back out when you’ve finished with me.”
“I wouldn’t do that.”
“How can I trust you after what you did?”
She tried to pass him, her eyes on the stairs behind him, but Mark stepped in her path and grabbed her hips. If he let her leave him, she would never come back downstairs. “Don’t go.”
She pressed her lips together tight and looked up at him with pleading eyes. What she pleaded for, he wasn’t sure. For him to kiss her? For him to back off?
“Mark …”
Pressing his hips against her, he showed her how very much he wanted her. Her eyes went wide, and she bit down on her bottom lip hard. Her involuntary gesture only made him harder. He longed to kiss away the teeth marks on her plump lip, to take away the sting. But he wouldn’t. Shouldn’t.
Forcing himself to concentrate, he met her eyes. “Christ. I want you so damn much. I’ve always wanted you. But tonight? Tonight it’s eating me alive—ripping me open.”
“Then why aren’t you taking me? Why are we talking right now, instead of kissing? I’m not a kid anymore. If you want me—take me. I’m right here.”
Oh, how he wanted to do exactly that. Rip the clothes off of her body and take her against the wall. He took a steadying breath. He needed to make her see that she was right all along—that he was no good for her. They wouldn’t work. As much as he wished they could, it wasn’t possible.
“I can’t do that. I’m going back to my life tomorrow. How are you gonna feel when I’m gone?”
She narrowed her eyes. “Who said I wanted a relationship? I said you could have me—not keep me.”
“You mean too much to me to sleep with you and leave.”
“How hard could it be? You could go back to ignoring me as you have all these years.”
He grit his teeth. “I wasn’t ignoring you. I was busy.”
“So you were too busy sleeping around to pick up a phone, or send a text letting me know how you were doing? I wrote you letter after letter, and you never sent even one word back. Do you know how hard it was to wait for Eve to offer up a tiny little morsel of information about you—while trying so hard to pretend I didn’t give a damn?”
“Shit, Lacey, I’m sorry. I did write letters.” He looked down at her tight mouth, his heart wrenching.
“Right, you wrote letters. I just didn’t receive them. And the dog ate your homework too?” She took a step to the side, but he tightened his grip on her hips. “Let go of me. I don’t want to talk anymore.”
“I can’t yet.” He closed his eyes, trying to find a way to make her understand his reasoning. A way to make her forgive him, but he came back empty-handed and let go of her wrists. She wouldn’t understand he hadn’t cut ties with her out of spite or disinterest. For the past eight years, he’d been single. No one waited for him. He didn’t have to answer to anyone about where he had been, or who he had been with. He was free, single, and loved every minute of it. And for that, he didn’t have to apologize.
She headed for the stairs, her back stiff and head held high. As she reached the bottom step, she turned to him, her lip once again caught between her teeth. “I still don’t get it.”
He shoved his hands in his pockets, resisting the urge to chase after her and touch her again. Kiss her. Have her. “Get what?” he growled, his voice raspy and raw.
“You don’t do relationships, but only want one night stands in your life? Nothing meaningful?”
He flinched. “Yes.”