Dirty Deal (Perfectly Matched 2)

In the course of a month, she’d made one smart decision, and that was to drive herself tonight.

Breaking away, she headed toward their table and snatched her purse up, never breaking stride as she beelined for the grassy area where she’d parked. Through the tents, past the lanterns, and on. It was an effort to stop the tears, and she took little gasps as she went, but as soon as she was alone and the world was dark and silent, she let them fall.

She kicked rocks, she swore, she did anything, anything except think about what she’d done. She’d ruined it. Ruined the whole perfect wall she’d spent years assembling. One stupid, beautiful, funny guy had brought the whole foundation to its knees and still she couldn’t find it in herself to hate him. She couldn’t even find a place to be annoyed with him.

And that was the worst of it all. Every ounce of anger was for herself and herself alone, though not a drop of it was cathartic.

When she finally reached the edge of the line of cars, a twig snapped behind her, and she spun.

“How long have you been following me?” She sniffed.

The line of tents was far behind them. Even the stragglers were a ways off, and yet here was Bryan. A huge wall of muscle with sweet hazel eyes. But instead of the poised confidence of his usual gait, he stood with arms stretched to his sides, palms up. Like an apologetic Christ the Redeemer.

“Long enough,” he answered.

She shook her head. What sort of awful things had she done in her life? True, she’d tormented Grace a little too much. It was possible that she could have been sweeter to certain people in the past. But what sort of world-bending horror could she have done to deserve the onslaught of awfulness that tonight had incurred?

Not only had she embarrassed herself. Not only had she embarrassed him. She couldn’t even have the dignity of a private sob session.

He was here now and there was no hiding the tears sliding down her face.

“Perfect,” she sighed. “Look, why don’t you go back to the party?” She swiped at her cheeks and searched for her keys, if only to have an excuse not to look him in the eye.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you. I want to help,” he said.

She tried a mock laugh, but it came out more like a sob than anything. Because life hated her like that. Still, she pressed on, “Ha! Hurt me? Apparently we’ve never met.”

“Serena, don’t do this.” His words were pleading, but she ignored them.

“I don’t know what you mean. You couldn’t hurt me if you tried. I’m titanium. Like that song.” She swallowed and snapped her purse closed. “Did you want me to sing you that one, too?”

“You knew what this was,” he said miserably.

“Is there a reason you’re trying to pick a fight with me?” Her resolve was slipping, and if she didn’t get the hell away from him she was sure to disintegrate in a sniveling heap.

This was not what tonight was supposed to be like. This is not what her life was supposed to be like.

“I leave in another week,” He said, and the last cord holding her together frayed and snapped apart .

“Don’t you think I know that? I know. I know that this wasn’t real. I know that you don’t—” She choked on the words but started again. “That you don’t care about me. I know all that. I don’t need you to follow me out here and remind me. I’m fine without you. Just like I was before.” On the last word, the birds in a nearby tree flew away and she closed her eyes. She was crying. She was heartsick. And now she was screaming.

Yep, things were hurtling from bad to apocalypse at breakneck speed.

She jangled her keys in her hand and pressed hard on the unlock button before she started off again. This time when Bryan followed, though, he didn’t bother staying quiet. His hulking steps clonked behind her until his hand closed around her biceps, and he spun her around to face him.

“What’s the deal? Do you have a fetish for watching women cry or something? Is that at the root of all this? Snap a picture if you need to. Get your rocks off. But let me be.” She shoved out of his grip.

“No.”

“No? What the fuck do you mean, no?” Heat rushed to her cheeks, but she worked hard to control it. The whole of her body was a whirlwind of emotions. One she couldn’t afford to be swept away by right now.

“I mean no,” he repeated.

“Well what is it, then? You’re going to turn me down and then you’re going to refuse to let me leave afterward? Excuse me for thinking so, but I get the impression I’m being jerked around here.” Her sadness was quickly morphing into rage, though the churning gut and pounding blood still wasn’t for him. No, her heartbeat was for her alone, and it sounded an awful lot like: mis-take, mis-take, mis-take.

“I just need some time to think.”

“Then by all means.” She hopped onto her trunk and sat there, staring at him. “Think away. I’ll be here. I’d hate to leave you hanging.” She’d already been vulnerable enough for one night. If he was going to pin her there with his searching gaze, it would be with the firm knowledge that she didn’t want to be there. She’d already gone to him once. He’d walked away.

As far as she was concerned, the next move was on him.

“Why are you acting like this?” he said.

“Because this is who I am.” She fought back the disgust in her tone and continued. “Why do you need to act like that?”

“Because…because you freaked me out, okay? With the whole big production in there, it seemed like something…”

He trailed off, but she knew what he’d been about to say, and it made her fuming mad. “Piper would do? You think I’m like her?” She’d already made the comparison in her head, but hearing it from him was a whole new kind of sting. The twist of a serrated knife between the ribs.

“Not exactly—” He rushed to correct himself.

Ah, backpedaling again. Yanking on her chain one more time. Taking her knees out from under her.

But this time she wasn’t going to let him stuff the words back into his mouth like they hadn’t been said. They were too far gone for that. She was too far gone for that. “If you feel like there are any grounds for comparison, then I can’t help you. This issue is yours, not mine. So don’t come out here, staring me down while you decide what to do. Because you know what I think?”

“What’s that?” His eyebrows rose.

This was honesty hour? Fine. She could do that, but he might not like what she had to say. She crossed one leg over the other and said, “You didn’t chase after me because you were concerned. You came after me because you’re scared. It’s why you won’t let me leave now. It’s why—”

“So I’m the only one who’s scared here?” He narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest.

“That’s not what I said.” She hopped off of the car and edged toward him. “But I was the only one on that stage. I was the only one admitting how they felt—”

“Admitting how you felt? That’s not what you did, Serena. You hid behind a gesture and then played it off when it didn’t go your way.”

“It’s still a hell of a lot more than you did.”

How dare he follow her out here just to kick her in the teeth while she was down? “But fine. Let’s say you’re right,” she went on. “The brave person is the one who says they care about the other person to their face. They tell them that even though they’re scared, they want to try, because that person is worth the risk.” She strutted toward him until they were nose to nose. “Let’s see who the braver pers

on is.”

She waited for the long moment while he stared into her eyes. His jaw worked, and her heart squeezed with every move, sure that this time his mouth would open and the words would come out.

But after five mini heart attacks, there was no denying the facts. Maybe one day she’d hear those words, but they wouldn’t come from Bryan Metcalf.

“Guess we’re all cowards here.” She sniffed and turned her back on him, heading toward her car like she should have the first time she’d ever laid eyes on him.

“So you’re just going to leave?”

“I don’t know, are you?” She turned and gave him one final stare.

He opened his mouth, then closed it before finally saying, “I don’t have a choice.”

“That’s not what I mean, and you know it.” She swallowed hard as a second round of tears threatened to break through. “I’m going to get into my car and say good-bye. I hope your life is everything you want it to be. Truly.”

It killed her, knowing how much she meant what she’d said. When it came down to it, she hoped he never had to know the hurt she felt. And maybe that was the worst part of all.

Starting her car, she backed out and watched him disappear in the rear view, growing smaller and smaller until he was a tiny speck, glowing red in the taillights. With any luck, it was the last time she’d see Bryan Metcalf. Her debt was paid; their deal was done.

He’d gotten everything he’d bargained for and then some.

…

He followed her a little over half a mile before he finally pulled over. It wasn’t that he’d lost her or that he didn’t know where she was going. She really only had one place to go, but what would be the point of talking more tonight? She wasn’t in a place to hear him, and he couldn’t give her the answers she wanted to hear anyway.

Maybe he had overreacted. Maybe they could forget all about what had happened. But then what?

They were still two damaged adults trying to slog past the years of shit that had gotten them here in the first place. And ultimately? When it came down to it, he was still leaving in a week. There was no point in chasing her when he had nothing to offer, no declaration to make in return. He barely knew who he was anymore, never mind trying to decipher the feelings he had for her.