Fill Me (Rouse Me 3)

Ellen is already here. She's sitting in the audience seats, drinking a cup of coffee. "Hey," she says, even and calm. Ellen is a force of nature later in the day. But before lunch she's quiet, almost shy.

She plays Stella, my character's sister. And she is a million times more pleasant than my usual fake sister, Naomi. "You run here or something? You look flushed."

So I'm that obvious. "No. I just..."

"Doing the old walk of shame, huh? I knew you had it in you."

"No, I... I have a boyfriend. In L.A."

She nods like she gets it. Then she shakes her coffee cup. It must be empty. "I'm in desperate need of cup number... too high of a number. I'll buy if you tell me all this juicy dirt about you cheating on your boyfriend."

"I'm not," I say. I bite my tongue. I can't exactly reveal I spent the morning touching myself to his dirty pictures. "Tried that before. It was too much of a headache."

She laughs and pushes herself to her feet. "I knew I'd like you."

Ellen leads me outside the theater. The sunshine is already blinding. New York may be cloudy half the year, but when it's bright, it's damn bright. The sun bounces off every inch of glass and concrete, landing right in my eyes.

"Have you heard the rumors about Kyle and our director?"

"I try and avoid rumors," I say.

"So don't spread this one. But supposedly, they're sleeping together." She sighs, tossing her coffee cup in a trash can. "Though... if you don't like gossip, you should probably get the hell out of the New York theater scene. It's nothing but drama and everyone is fucking everyone." She looks at me. "But you have that boyfriend. In L.A."

I nod.

"And this run is six months?" She shakes her head. "That's rough. I've never made it..." She taps her fingers like she's counting. "More than two weeks."

"We've been together a year," I say.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to suggest you and your..." Ellen smacks her palm into her forehead. "I'm really sorry. I'm probably freaking you out"

"A little."

"Sorry," she says again. "I'm sure you and your boyfriend--"

"Luke," I offer.

"Like Star Wars?"

"I think like the Bible."

"Well, I'm sure you and Luke like the Bible will be great. He sounds nice."

"Biblical?"

She laughs. "He must be great if you're committed to not fucking someone else for six months."

We make small talk through our coffee and end up ten minutes late. Nicole, the play director, reminds us to get here earlier next time, but she doesn't dwell on it.

The first few hours of rehearsal are tough. The other actors, especially Ellen and the male lead, Nicholas, are seasoned theater actors and they know their lines inside and out. I'm finally off book, but I'm still struggling to really make the words my own.

By the end of the day, I have a little footing. I'm still out of my league, but I'm not quite so overwhelmed.

I can do this.

I can absolutely do this.

***