Hating You, Loving You (Inked Hearts 4)

to turn my cell back on. To call Dean. To tell him how wrong I was. How much I miss him. How terrified I am to do this without him.

But I hold strong.

It makes sense, in my head.

I can save him from this. I want that for him. I want to spare him the pain I felt.

But, God, for me…

I want to hold onto him and never let go.

A little after sunset, Dad knocks on my door. "Dean called."

I wipe my tired eyes. If it's possible to run out of tears, I'm there. "Is everything okay?"

"He told me about the test."

Oh.

Dad knocks again. "Come downstairs. I ordered pizza."

"I'm not hungry."

"It's veggie combo."

My stomach growls. "With peppers?"

"Extra."

"Okay." I push myself up from my desk chair. My sketchbook is still sitting on my desk, still open to the page of my current work in progress. Memento Mori covered in lush orchids. As if I need to scribble "remember your mortality" on my skin to realize I could die at any moment.

But Carpe Diem still feels too fucking easy.

I slip into my hoodie. Pull the zipper to my chest. Play with my sleeves as I follow Dad down the stairs.

The house is quiet. Warm. Light.

The smell of pizza wafts into my nostrils. Cheese. Tomato. Peppers. Mmm.

I take a seat at the table.

He grabs two plates from the kitchen, sets one in front of me, slides into the seat next to mine.

Mmm. That looks as good as it smells.

My hands are greedy. I reach for a slice. Let it coat my fingers with grease and flour. "Thanks, Dad."

"Of course." He's more careful about taking a slice and setting it on his plate. "You want to tell me what happened?"

No. Not at all. I take a bite to buy myself time. It doesn't help. "There was a spot in my MRI results." I suck a breath between my teeth. "Dr. Nguyen thinks it's a cyst, but we need to do a needle biopsy to be sure."

"You don't sound confident."

"Can we not do this?"

"Do what, baby girl?"

I take another bite. Once again, chewing and swallowing fails to offer insight.