A Vow Of Hate

I laughed bitterly. “No, I will save my baby from having to have a monster as a father.”

That made him flinch and I realized that I had hit right where it hurt.

I stalked closer, feeling truly brave for the first time since the accident. “And from having to live a life filled with vicious hate. No child wants to find out he or she was conceived through rape. I’ll be doing the baby a favor because you’re not worthy enough to be my child’s father.”

We glared, fire burning between us until we stood in the ashes of what we used to be. His fists clenched at his sides, and then I saw the moment he chose to ignore my words and to turn the tables around again, in his favor.

But it was too late, for I already knew his weakness. I might have been battle worn, bruised and bleeding, but I have had enough of being Killian’s plaything. Atonement or not.

“Ballsy,” he mocked. “I have to say, I’ve missed your sharp tongue over the last week. You were too docile for my liking.”

“You got what you wanted. You humiliated me over and over again–”

“And yet you’re still standing here, with raging grey eyes and spitting fire.” He gestured toward me, where I was still in the state of half-undress.

“Because you can’t break what’s already broken,” I snarled through my veil. “How many times do I have to tell you this before it gets through your thick skull?”

He grinned, almost like he enjoyed seeing me snap.

When he took a step closer, I put a hand out in warning. “Take another step toward me and I will scream.”

Killian quirked an eyebrow in response. “Go ahead, Beasty. Be my guest. Scream as loud as you can, I dare you.”

If I wanted to win this battle, I had to play dirty. Like Killian had done to me multiple times. He had pushed so many of my buttons, that I had come undone and I didn’t know how to stop.

With jerky fingers, I laced up my bodice again. “You know what your problem is, Killian?” I said, my voice growing considerably soft.

Surprise flickered in his eyes and I smiled. “You’re not tormenting me because you want to avenge Gracelynn’s death. No.” I shook my head with a bitter laugh. “You needed someone to bear the brunt of your anger and your own suffering. You used the fact that I was guilt-ridden over my sister’s death and because you can’t be happy in your life, you want everyone else around you to hurt. And I was the sacrificial lamb.”

A shadow covered his face and I saw the moment his eyes grew darker, and for the first time, not with rage – but with something else. I had finally found the cracks through his cold, steel armor.

“It’s not about vengeance any longer. It’s not even about Gracelynn’s death anymore,” I continued, pushing through because I was finally in his head.

“It’s purely about your ego, your arrogance and your need to blame someone else over the fact that you failed at protecting your lover. You weren’t there when she needed you and that eats you alive. But you know what? Instead of trying to work on your own issues, you are so set on making me miserable, not realizing that it also makes you miserable. How fucking ironic, is it?”

He swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing with the hard gulp. “Are you done? Are you fucking done with your goddamn speech?” he barked, but I didn’t miss the quiver in his voice.

Killian lunged forward with a snarl and slammed me into the wall. His body was on me, pinning me against the wall. I expected him to retaliate. I awaited his vicious words, but when his forehead dropped to mine and his wine breath fanned over my face, through the veil, my heart seized up.

“I will never forgive you for this,” Killian whispered.

There was the crack I had been waiting for and I finally sunk through, fighting my way deeper. Under his skin and into his flesh. I was in his mind, delving into his broken heart and holding his shattered soul together with threads around my fingers.

I shook my head, a bittersweet smile on my lips. “You’re not a bad person. I remember the man my sister fell in love with and that man is still there, buried underneath all that ugliness. You just need to let go, to accept that Grace is dead and to move on, Killian.”

Killian clenched his eyes closed and he took a shuddering breath, his chest pressing into mine. “I hate you.”

“I know,” I murmured.

His fingers circled my hips, digging into my skin but not to hurt. More like he was hanging on to me. Like he needed someone to ground him to the present, in this moment. “Grace would have hated the man I had become.”