The Boy Who Has No Redemption (Soulless 8)

Dad repositioned himself so he sat at the edge of the couch with his hands together, his forearms resting on his knees. He was in a dark green sweater and black jeans, his scruff thick because he stopped shaving once he wasn’t required to go into the office. He stared at me with hard eyes, showing a hint of ferocity. “Anything you’d like to tell me?”

I clenched my jaw slightly then chewed the inside of my cheek as I considered the question. “No. Because it’s obvious you already know everything…since you went behind my back and got involved in something that’s absolutely none of your business.” I knew he just cared, but I was a grown man, and I didn’t need my father to be involved in my love life.

He didn’t have an overt reaction, but the subtle change in his eyes showed how irritated that response made him. “I wouldn’t have to do that if my son didn’t lie to me. I wouldn’t have to ask anyone else about my son’s well-being if my son would just be transparent with me. We’ve been nothing but supportive of you since forever, so why do you continue to hide from us?”

I stared at the floor.

“I asked you a question.”

I lifted my gaze and looked at him. “Again. None of your business.”

His eyebrows slowly furrowed in offense. “No, your love life isn’t my business. But destroying your life piece by piece—damn right, that’s my business. Being an ass and trying to push me away like you did with everyone else isn’t going to work on me, so how about we just cut the shit?”

I stilled because he’d never spoken to me like that before.

He kept up his hard gaze, staring me down as if we were enemies rather than father and son.

The noises from the kitchen stopped, like she was done cooking and now she just listened.

He still didn’t blink. “Let’s try this again.”

I absorbed his harsh gaze into my skin, feeling like I was on trial. “It just wasn’t working. That’s it. I didn’t want to be in that relationship anymore, so I ended it.”

“Derek, don’t do this.” He shook his head. “You’re going to regret it.”

“It’s been three weeks, and I still don’t regret it. So…”

“It’ll hit you when you least expect it. Trust me, I know.”

I shifted my gaze away.

“Your mother did something I didn’t like, and it made me uncomfortable. Instead of being a man and working out our problems like couples do, I left her. While my back was turned, her world fell apart. I abandoned her when she needed me most. That’s not what men do. They don’t turn their backs on the women they love. Don’t make my mistakes, Derek.”

“It’s not the same thing.”

“Because you were just looking for an excuse. Yes, I figured that out.”

I looked at him again.

His voice dropped, softened. “I understand things have stacked up against you recently. It’s a lot for anyone to handle. It’s understandable. But sabotaging the best thing in your life is not the answer. I’m sorry about your rocket. I know how personally you’ve taken it. I’m sorry about Valerie, but that still wasn’t your fault. She had a heart attack because she was a heavy drinker and popped prescription pills, according to the autopsy. If it didn’t happen then, it would have happened later, whether it was in weeks, months, or a year. And Kevin and Tabitha…” He shook his head. “I can’t even imagine how difficult that was for you. I admire you for putting aside your feelings and being there for Ryan. That was commendable. But it’s just a bad time right now. Pushing away the woman who loves you for you is not the answer.”

“Dad, I’ve listened to everything you’ve said. But it doesn’t change the way I feel.” I wasn’t in the same place I used to be. I was sick of all the bullshit in life, and living a life of numbness made far more sense. I simply wasn’t the same person anymore. “I don’t want to be in a relationship. I don’t want to be with Emerson anymore. I just want to be alone.” It had worked for me for the last ten years, and I wasn’t sure why I’d changed everything in the first place.

My dad’s expression slowly changed, turning into a stark look of disappointment. “Derek—”

“I understand where you’re coming from. I’ve listened to you with an open mind. But it doesn’t change the way I feel.” I knew what my dad wanted, but that didn’t mean I had to want it. “You and Mom are perfect together, and that’s great. But that’s not for everybody.”

“But it’s for you—with Emerson.”

I shook my head. “I never want to get married.” I would never make a commitment to a woman as long as I lived. I was rich and good-looking, and even when I got to my sixties, I could still get young, attractive women without issue.