The Boy Who Has No Redemption (Soulless 8)

She stopped eating her popcorn and stopped looking at Lizzie. “You really feel that way?”

I nodded. “He really fucked me up, Mom.” I kept it inside most of the time, but my trust was gone. I couldn’t imagine trusting anyone ever again. I didn’t want to let anyone past my walls. I didn’t even have walls before, but now my walls were skyscrapers. “Lizzie’s father was a tool, and then the greatest man I’ve known ended up being a piece of shit. I’m just so over it. I’m over men. I was seeing that guy for a while, and he flipped out on me when he found out about Lizzie. I’d rather be alone. When Lizzie is out of the house, I might just travel the world by myself.”

Her hand moved to my shoulder again, her eyes sad, like that really broke her heart. “I know it didn’t work out with Derek. I know that other guy was a total jerk. But love is out there. It exists, Emerson. I know that’s true, because I love your father so much. Don’t give up on that yet. You’re too young.”

I told her what she wanted to hear so she wouldn’t feel bad about my sadness. “Yeah…alright.”

11

Derek

I knocked on the door with my elbow because my arms were full of grocery bags.

Dad opened it a moment later, wearing that same tight face, his exterior acting as a dam to keep everything deep inside. Whenever my mom was around, he was calm and confident, but when it was just us, he let it out.

He was terrified.

He looked at me, his eyes lifeless.

“I picked up some groceries.”

“Oh… Why?” He wasn’t himself at all. He didn’t talk like he normally did, didn’t react like he normally did, didn’t even seem happy to see me like he normally would.

“Just thought you could use some stuff.”

Dad continued to stand there.

“You mind if I come in?” I asked. “Everything is a little heavy…”

“Oh, sure.” He stepped aside.

I walked into the condo and saw that the fresh flowers were gone, probably because my mom wasn’t working anymore. She used to take care of everything for them both, the mail, groceries, fresh flowers, the dry cleaning, everything. And now that she wasn’t, the place felt totally different.

I carried the bags to the kitchen and started to put everything away.

Dad followed me then leaned against the counter, his arms crossed over his chest, his eyes out the window.

“Where’s Mom?”

“Napping.” His eyes were open and lifeless, reflecting the sunlight that came through the windows.

After I put everything away, I turned to him. “You wanna go get something to eat or something?”

He released a heavy sigh. “No.”

I faced him, my heart breaking more and more every time I saw him. He wasn’t the strong man I remembered. He was like a ghost now.

“I’m going to go pick up a few extra things, and then I’ll be back.”

He turned back to me. “Pick up what things?”

“Dry cleaning, grab the flowers from the florist. Mom likes flowers.”

He stared at me with that same hard gaze, like my efforts weren’t touching. “It’s the middle of the day, Derek. You should be at work.”

“I don’t care about work, Dad.” It was my whole life before this, but once this happened…I realized what my whole life should have been. It shouldn’t have been rockets and rovers. It should have been family…and the people I loved. “I’ll be back in a little bit. Then I’ll make dinner. I got Mom some ice cream even though you guys don’t—”

“She can have whatever she wants.” He rubbed his jawline, which was a full beard at this point. He’d stopped shaving. He’d stopped showering. He didn’t go to work. He handed off his patients to someone else because he couldn’t think clearly and give them the care they deserved.

“Alright. Then I’ll be back. Anything I can get you?”

He shook his head.

“Alright.” I left the condo, and he didn’t say goodbye to me. He didn’t hug me. He didn’t show any affection at all…and I realized how much I took his love for granted.

My dad watched TV in the living room while I worked in the kitchen.

Mom’s voice came from the hallway. “Whoa, what’s going on here?” She was bubbly and positive, like nothing was wrong, like everything was exactly as it’d been before. “Flowers, something cooking in the kitchen when my husband is on the couch.”

I left the pans and stepped into the dining area, seeing her in her pajamas, sweatpants and a t-shirt. “Hey, Mom.”

She turned to look at me, her face lighting up in a beautiful smile, like she was still happy, even…even when she may not be happy forever. “Honey, did you do all this?” She came toward me then wrapped her arms around me, pulling me in for a warm hug.