The Boy Who Has No Redemption (Soulless 8)

The moisture in my eyes spilled over and dripped down my cheeks, picturing that scene unfolding like I was there, witnessing it with my own eyes, abandoning the two girls that I loved…at Christmas.

“Your parents came over the day before Christmas Eve.”

I inhaled a deep breath and sniffled, stopping myself from breaking into soul-crushing sobs, but I couldn’t stop the quiet tears.

Her eyes remained wet and shiny, and the ferocity in her voice made her spit fly out across the desk. “I bet they didn’t tell you that. They came over, brought us Christmas presents, made us hot cocoa, and spent the evening with us…like we were family. Your parents stepped up because you chose to fucking abandon us.”

I felt so much shame that I dropped my gaze.

“No, asshole. You wanted to do this, so you’re going to look at me and listen to every damn word I have to say.”

I inhaled a deep breath and steadied the tears momentarily before I looked at her again.

She slammed her hand into her chest because she was so angry that she didn’t know what to do with herself. “They were there for me when you weren’t. They were there for my daughter when you weren’t. When Lizzie went to bed, they talked me through it, did their best to make me feel better. They said they would talk to you. And you know what I said? You’re a lost cause. A lost fucking cause. You will never change, Derek. You come in here like you’ve just woken up after a three-month nap, acting like a human being again, but the second shit hits the fan, you’ll go right back to being a cruel, ruthless son of a bitch. Your apology means literally nothing to me because it’s conditional—it can change at a moment’s notice. Your rover tips over and gets stuck in a ditch? We’re over. You run into Kevin at the gym? It’s back to feeling up Fleur at the clubs.” She threw her arms up. “And yes, I know all about that, Derek, because it’s all over the internet. Our deep relationship meant absolutely nothing to you because you dumped me and then went right back to your models, to the woman who had no respect for you, who slapped you because she didn’t get her way. You left me…for that. And it was just a few weeks after we broke up, but you were probably fucking them long before that. Because I meant nothing to you. Nothing. Nada.”

My lips trembled because I could barely keep a straight face, my lips soaked with salt, droplets on the floor between my shoes. Hearing her pain, hearing a truthful account of my behavior…was fucking sickening.

That was me—I did all of those things.

The self-loathing made my knees go weak, and I fell back into the chair, my forearms on my knees, my breathing shallow and uneven, the weight of my actions and the consequences crushing my lungs so I could barely draw breath.

“I’ve been applying to every job on the market with a remotely similar income, and I keep losing the position to other people, but I will find something. And if I don’t, I’ll settle for something less. Because there’s not enough money in the world to make me work here—with you.”

I closed my eyes and wished I could run away, silence her words, turn off the pain.

“I used to get so much personal satisfaction out of my job, but now I hate it. Even if I don’t have to see you, I hate it. It’s unbearable to work for someone you literally have no respect for.”

I opened my eyes and looked at her again.

She made a circle with her fingers as she looked at me. “Zero. Nada. Zip.”

12

Emerson

It was such a cathartic experience.

I’d kept those feelings bottled up inside for so long, and I didn’t realize how hurt I truly was until I unloaded on him. I had been heartbroken from the beginning, but I’d just shut down shortly afterward, turning numb, feeling nothing.

And then it all came out—hard and fast.

I didn’t feel bad for what I said because I meant every word. I didn’t care if Derek truly felt guilty or not, because I had to suffer alone for the last three months, while he…did whatever he did. I was perfectly entitled to say everything I had, and if he didn’t want to hear it, he could have just left it alone.

I warned him, but he didn’t listen.

After that, I was certain he wouldn’t bring it up again. We would work around each other awkwardly until I found a new job. Then we would never have to see each other again. We could forget this stupid mistake and leave it in the past.

I picked up dinner on the way home because I was in no mood to cook. Lizzie would be thrilled. I grabbed sandwiches and chips, so she could take the other half of her sandwich to school for lunch.