The Boy Who Has No Redemption (Soulless 8)

She smiled slightly. “No wonder why Lizzie loves you so much.”

I smiled. “I mean, I can have the chef make it chicken and rice night too if you want.”

“No. Pizza night sounds fun.” She turned away.

I was happy to spend time with both of them, but I’d love to spend time with just Emerson…in some capacity. “Baby?”

She turned back around.

“You want to come over and help me write tonight? We can order a pizza…and not tell Lizzie.”

She chuckled. “She’ll smell it on me.”

“I have mints.”

“Alright, that sounds good. See you then.” She turned around and left the hangar.

I watched her the whole way, watched my heart, body, and soul go with her.

I didn’t need any help writing anymore.

Thoughts, ideas, prose just flowed through me now that I was myself again.

But I pretended to struggle, just to have her sit there with me.

We ordered a pizza and ate it together at the dining table. The evening was casual like we were just working together and nothing more. I had every intention of moving things along quickly, so the ball was in her court.

She stared at the pizza box and sighed.

“What?”

“I want another slice…”

“Then eat another slice.”

“I guess I feel guilty. Lizzie is having tuna casserole tonight.”

“Wow, that’s brutal.”

“Yeah, my mom is a good cook, but her tuna casserole is disgusting. She makes it because she and my dad can’t get enough of it.”

“Then it looks like I’m going to have to get used to it.”

She turned back to me, her chin propped on her closed knuckles. “Did you ask me to marry you just to get me back?” The mood abruptly changed when she spat out the question.

I stared at her and considered a good answer. “I asked you to marry me because I want to marry you. I was disappointed with your answer, honestly. But still grateful that we’re here together right now.”

She continued to look at me.

“I would never be disingenuous about something like that.” I knew I’d fucked up, big-time, but I hoped she still viewed me as someone of integrity.

“The reason why I ask is because marriage is a big deal. There are things to consider.”

“Such as?”

“Well…children. Do you want to have children?”

I honestly hadn’t even considered it. I just wanted us to be together, regardless of how that picture looked. “I’d love Lizzie like my own, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“I mean, having more children. But yes, Lizzie is something to consider.”

“I just assumed if we were married, she would legally be mine.”

“Not necessarily. There’s an actual adoption process you have to go through, because our marriage doesn’t make you a legal guardian to her. Whether that’s what you want to do or not is irrelevant. But something to consider.”

“I guess that would depend on you and Lizzie. You get to decide if I’m worthy of that responsibility.”

“So that’s something you’d be willing to do?”

“Absolutely.” She told me they came as a set, and that was how it would be. “You’d legally be my wife, so she should legally be my daughter. Makes sense to me. She told me she sees me as a father.”

“You have no experience with kids, so are you sure you can do that?”

I nodded. “I mean, I have the best dad in the world, so I do have some experience. Just do what he did.”

She smiled gently. “I don’t mean to interrogate you. I’m just asking what kind of future you see, if that’s something you really want.”

“As long as you’re with me, it’s a blank slate. The details of the picture don’t matter to me.”

“Well, how do you feel about having more children?”

I’d never really pictured my future in that context before. “Do you want children?”

“I want to know your answer first, Derek. Because I don’t want you to change your answer based on what I want.”

When I took a moment to picture what my life looked like, Lizzie was there. But Lizzie was also thirteen, and my time with her would be short-lived. She’d be out of the house and living her own life. I also missed all the years leading up to her age, her birthday parties, her graduation from sixth grade, all the kinds of things that my parents never missed. Children had never been important to me, had never been a consideration because I didn’t want to get married, but I was a different man now. Watching Lizzie read the books I’d written so we could share that experience was one of the greatest moments of my life. “I want more children.” My dad said he was just like me at his age, not wanting to have a family, but he changed his mind…and said nothing in life made him happier.

She didn’t have a reaction to that.

“You?”

She dropped her hand from her chin and shifted her position in the chair. “I had Lizzie so young, and while it’s been wonderful, I’ve never really had any time to myself. I always imagined she would be an only child. By the time she moves out, I’ll be thirty-five, and starting that process all over again means I’ll never have the opportunity to travel or just…not be a mom.”