Confessor (Sword of Truth 11)

“Your love for your grandson is blinding you. He is more than your grandson.”

“My love for him doesn’t—”

Nicci thrust an arm out to point to the east, toward D’Hara. “Those Sisters of the Dark ignited the Chainfire event! Chainfire is burning unchecked through all of our memories. Such an event means far more than simply losing our memory of Kahlan.

“Who we are, what we are, what we can be, is moment by moment disintegrating. It’s not just about forgetting Kahlan. The vortex of that spell grows daily. The damage is multiplying on itself. We are unaware of the full extent of all we have lost already while day by day we lose yet more. Our very minds, or ability to think, to reason, are being eroded by that vile spell.

“Worse, the Chainfire spell is contaminated. Richard himself showed it to us. The contamination of the chimes is buried deep within the Chainfire spell that has infected everyone. The contamination carried by the Chainfire spell is burning through the world of life. Besides destroying the nature of who and what we are, it’s destroying the fabric of magic itself. Without Richard we wouldn’t even be aware of it.

“The world not only stands at the brink due to Jagang and the Imperial Order, but it is being destroyed by the silent, unseen work of the Chainfire spell and the contamination within it.”

Nicci jabbed a finger at her temple. “Has that contamination already destroyed your ability to see what is at stake? Has it already taken your ability to think?

“The only counter to the Chainfire event is the boxes of Orden. That is the reason the boxes were created—they were created specifically as the only salvation should the Chainfire event ever be ignited.

“Those Sisters ignited Chainfire. To compound what they did, to make it irreversible, they themselves put the boxes in play, put the counter in play, naming themselves as the player. They believe that there is now no way for anyone to stop them. They may be right. I’ve read The Book of Life, the instructions for how Orden functions. It provides no way to halt the play once initiated. We can’t shut down Chainfire. We can’t halt the play of Orden. The world of life is about to spin out of control—just as they want.

“What is Richard fighting for? What are we all fighting for? Should we simply give up, say that it’s too hard, too risky to try to prevent our total annihilation? Should we shrink from the only chance we have? Shall we surrender everything that matters? Should we let Jagang slaughter all those who wish to be free? Let the Fellowship of Order enslave the world? Allow Chainfire to run rampant and destroy our memory of everything good? Let the contamination within that spell wipe magic from the world along with everything that depends on it for life? Shall we just sit down and give up? Shall we let the world end at the hands of people who would destroy it all?

“Sister Ulicia opened the gateway to the power of Orden. She put the boxes in play. What is Richard supposed to do? He has to have the weapons he needs to fight this battle. I have just given him what he needs.

“The struggle is now truly in balance. The two sides of this battle are now fully engaged in the struggle that will decide it all.

“We have to trust Richard in this struggle.

“There was a time a few years back when you were faced with similar decisions. You knew your choices, your responsibilities, the risks, and the lethal consequences of inaction. You named Richard the Seeker of Truth.”

Zedd nodded, hardly able to summon his voice. “Yes, I did indeed.”

“And he lived up to everything you believed of him, and more, didn’t he?”

He couldn’t make himself stop trembling. “Yes, the boy did all I ever expected and more.”

“This is no different, Zedd. The Sisters of the Dark no longer have exclusive access to the power of Orden.” She brought an arm up and made a fist. “I have given Richard a chance—I have given us all a chance. In that sense, I have just put Richard into play, giving him what he must have to win this struggle.”

Through his watery vision Zedd gazed into her eyes. Besides the resolve, the fury, the determination, there was something else. He saw there in her blue eyes a shadow of pain.

“And…?”

She drew back. “And what?”

“As complete as your rationale has been, there is something more to this, something that you have not said.”

Nicci turned away, the fingers of one hand trailing along the tabletop, trailing through spells drawn in her own blood, spells she had risked her life to invoke.

Her back to him, Nicci gestured vaguely, a self-conscious flick of her hand, a simple motion gracefully betraying unimaginable anguish.

“You’re right,” she said in a voice on the ragged edge of control. “I have given Richard one other thing.”

Zedd stood for a moment, considering the woman turned away from him. “And what would that be?”

She turned back. A tear traced a slow path down her cheek.

“I have just given him the only chance he has of getting back the woman he loves. The boxes of Orden are the only counter to the Chainfire spell that took Kahlan from him. If he is to have her back, the boxes of Orden are the only way.

“I have given him the only chance he has to have what he loves most in life.”

Zedd sank back down in the chair and put his face in his hands.

CHAPTER 5

Nicci stood, her back stiff and straight, as Zedd, slumped in the chair before her, wept into his hands.

She had locked her knees for fear that her legs would give way beneath her. She told herself that she would not allow a single tear to escape her control.

She had almost succeeded.

When she had invoked the power of Orden, putting the box in play in Richard’s name, that power had done something to her. It had, to a degree, countered the damage of the Chainfire spell infecting her.

When Nicci named Richard the player, completing the links to the power she had invoked, Nicci had suddenly known Kahlan.

It was not a rebuilding of her lost memory of Kahlan—that was gone—but rather it was a simple reconnection to the awareness of the reality of Kahlan’s existence, to the here and now.

For ages, it seemed, Nicci had thought that Richard was deluded in his belief in the existence of a woman no one but he remembered. Even later, when Richard had found the Chainfire book and had proven to them what had really happened, Nicci had at last believed him, but she had based that belief only on her belief in Richard and the facts he had uncovered. It was an intellectual conviction based on indirect evidence alone.

That conviction had no basis in her own memories or perceptions. She had no personal recollection of Kahlan, only Richard’s memory to go on, his word, and the evidence at hand. In that secondhand manner she believed in the existence of this woman, Kahlan, because she believed Richard.

But now Nicci knew—really knew—that Kahlan was real.

Nicci still had no memory of anything about the woman, but she viscerally knew that Kahlan was real, that she existed. She no longer needed to rely on Richard’s word to know it. It was self-evident, almost as if she perceived it directly. It was somewhat like remembering meeting someone in the past but not being able to remember their face. While that person’s face would not be recalled, that person’s existence was not in doubt.

Nicci knew that, now, because of the connection to the power of Orden, because of what it had done within her, Kahlan would no longer seem to be invisible. Nicci would be able to see her just as she could see everyone else. The Chainfire spell still resided within Nicci, but Orden had at least partially countered the spell, halted the continuing damage, allowing her to be aware of the truth. Her memory of Kahlan was still not vital, but Kahlan was.

Nicci now knew, really knew, that Richard’s love was real. Nicci felt an aching joy for Richard’s heart, even as her own had broken.

Cara stepped up close beside her and did something Nicci could never have imagined a Mord-Sith doing: she put an arm gently around Nicci’s waist, drawi

ng her close.

At least, it was something no Mord-Sith would ever have done until Richard had come along. Richard had changed everything. Cara, like Nicci, had been brought back from the brink of madness by Richard’s passion for life. The two of them shared a unique understanding of Richard, a special connection, a perspective that Nicci doubted anyone else, even Zedd, could truly appreciate.

More than that, no one but Cara could grasp all that Nicci had just given up.

“You did good, Nicci,” Cara whispered.

Zedd rose. “Yes, she did. I’m sorry, my dear, if I’ve been unfairly hard on you. I can see now that you did in fact think it through. You did what you thought was right. I must admit that, given the circumstances, you did the only thing that made sense.

“I apologize for jumping to foolish assumptions. I’ve had reason to know many of the profound dangers surrounding the use of the power of Orden—I probably know more about it than anyone alive today. I’ve even seen the magic of Orden called forth by Darken Rahl. Because of that, I have a somewhat different view than you’ve presented.

“While I don’t necessarily completely agree with you, what you did was an act of great intellect and courage, to say nothing of desperation. I’m familiar, too, with acts of desperation in the face of incredible odds and I can appreciate how they are sometimes necessary.

“I hope you are right in what you’ve done. Even if it means I am wrong, I would choose for you to be the one who was right.

“But it doesn’t matter, now. Done is done. You have put the boxes of Orden in play and named Richard the player. Despite what I may believe, we are all of a mind in our cause. Now that it is done, we must do our best to see to it that this works. We will all need to do our utmost to help Richard. If he fails, we all fail. All life fails.”

Nicci couldn’t help but feel a certain degree of relief. “Thank you, Zedd. With your help, we will make this work.”

He shook his head sadly. “My help? Perhaps I’m merely a hindrance. I just wish you had consulted me first.”

“I did,” Nicci said. “I asked you if you trusted Richard with your life, with all life. What more consultation could there be than that?”

Zedd smiled through the sadness lingering on his face. “I guess you’re right. It could just be that the combination of the Chainfire spell and the contamination of the chimes has already eroded my ability to think.”

“I don’t believe that for a moment, Zedd. I think it’s that you love Richard and are worried for him. I wouldn’t have sought your counsel had it not been important. You told me what I needed to know.”