Severed Souls (Sword of Truth 14)

“Me too,” Kahlan said.

CHAPTER

50

Nicci was caught off guard. “You don’t trust Irena, either?”

Kahlan showed the woman a small smile. “Nicci, I don’t trust most people where Richard is concerned. I want him all to myself. But I know that he belongs to everyone, in a way, and I have to tolerate certain things.”

“Like me?”

Kahlan was a long time answering. “Nicci, at one time I wanted nothing more desperately than to kill you—over and over in every imaginable horrible manner. I wanted to scream at you as I killed you a hundred times over.

“After all, you had been a Sister of the Dark. You were also a devoted, dedicated believer in the ways of the Imperial Order and Emperor Jagang, whose forces were slaughtering my people and trying to destroy our way of life.

“But worse, you took Richard captive and took him away from me, away from everyone who needed him … for a very long time.

“I hated you.

“But Richard understood how the Imperial Order had controlled and conditioned you from a very young age. Despite that indoctrination, Richard saw something worthwhile deep down inside you. He saw that you were different, and that while you were disciplined in their ways, you were not blind. He only needed a way to encourage you to see again.

“Richard believed in you, believed in your intellect, believed that you had the spark of spirit that could see things for yourself, that you had the capacity to see the truth. Over time, as you came to know him and understand him, you finally began to think through the reasons behind your loyalties. You used your head to try to reason out the why of things and in so doing you discovered the truth for yourself.

“In that instant, when reason won out over the blind faith you had been taught, you changed. You came to embrace life instead of death. You had the courage to see your own failings. You had the courage to see the harm you had done and the inner character to want to set it right.

“You have fought on our side since then and you’ve proven yourself to me a thousand times over. You have saved both our lives on any number of occasions. You have helped bring truth to others.

“I came to understand how you were in fact also a victim of the same depraved ideology we were fighting. In a way, the Imperial Order had crushed you the same way it wanted to crush us. Because of what you did to lift yourself out of the darkness you were in, I was able to come to appreciate you for the woman you really were, underneath the things you did because of the corrupt doctrine you had been taught. I came to see your inner strength and the courage it took to face reality and step out of your darkness and into the light.

“Once that happened, I no longer had any reason to hate you. That hatred no longer served a purpose, so I was able to set it aside. That also means I have no reason to harbor bitterness or resentment against you.

“You’ve changed, and as a result, I’ve changed. We’re both better for it.

“I know that you are still in love with Richard, but I also know that because you love him, you want him to be happy. You understand him now, and know that the reality is you can’t force someone to love you.

“But you still love him. You can’t help how you feel and I understand that. Sometimes a person can’t talk their heart out of how it feels, despite how hard you try. But now you have placed that in perspective with what he wants for himself.”

Nicci swallowed. “You’re right about that. I can’t help how I feel. I wish it were otherwise—I truly do—but I can’t change my heart.

“I would do anything Richard asked of me. I would lay down my life if he asked it of me. I would do anything for him.

“But I would never again try to steal him from you because I know that would be treason against him. Because I love him, truly love him, I could never do that to him.”

Kahlan stared into Nicci’s blue eyes. “I know.”

She felt profound sorrow for Nicci. She couldn’t imagine being as in love with Richard as she was, and having him not love her back. That would be a living death. She hoped that one day Nicci could find a man worthy of her, the way Cara had, even if Cara’s joy had been all too short.

Nicci’s gaze stayed on Kahlan’s. “I had Richard down in the Old World a long time. I came to know what is in that man’s heart. It matters not who loves him. All that matters is who he loves. And he loves you, Kahlan.”

Kahlan nodded. “I know that, too, Nicci.”

Nicci let out a relieved sigh. “Good.”

“So,” Kahlan said after a moment’s silence, “you don’t think Irena can really tell a person’s gift from bones, unless, of course, she has powers you don’t know about, perhaps from living her whole life out here close to the power leaking out of that barrier to the third kingdom. And you think she should have known where the Hedge Maid lived. And, she loves Richard.”

“I don’t know that she actually loves him, now that I think about it, so much as she seems obsessed with him.”

“Even so, she has also fought beside us, fought to protect our lives. So, what do you expect me to do about her?”

“I don’t know,” Nicci grumbled. “Maybe tell me I’m crazy.”

“I don’t think you’re crazy. I don’t trust the woman either.”

Nicci halted her pacing and looked over at Kahlan. “You alluded to that before. Mind telling me why not?”

“Well, I know it sounds a bit intolerant, but I don’t trust her because she calls him Richard, instead of Lord Rahl.”

Nicci looked puzzled. “Richard doesn’t care about titles.”

“That’s beside the point. Titles imply things. Respect, for one. Country people from remote places like this are usually terrified of people with power. I’ve grown up seeing people pale when they heard my title announced. People fear what they don’t know, and they fear power.

“A woman, even a sorceress, from a little place like Stroyza, should be more respectful—if nothing else—of the leader of the D’Haran Empire, the Lord Rahl himself.”

“And the Mother Confessor,” Nicci added.

“And the Mother Confessor,” Kahlan agreed. “It’s a little thing, but little things have reasons behind them. Little things can be a crack in a person’s carefully constructed façade that allows you to look deeper inside them.

“Richard wouldn’t care that she doesn’t call him Lord Rahl, but I do—because it tells me that something deeper is going on, that there is something there that is not what it seems.

“Samantha is infatuated with him, as you say, but she still calls him Lord Rahl. That is consistent with how people typically behave.”

Nicci was frowning with concern. “What do you think we should do about it?”

“Be aware. Be vigilant.”

“Always.” Nicci looked off toward the camp. “Richard is coming back. You had best go be with him and get some sleep.” She smiled as she watched him walking silently among the sleeping men. “Give him a hug. I think you could both use one. And I don’t want you to worry. We should soon be to the citadel and that containment field and then we will finally rid you of Jit’s poison.”

Kahlan stood and gave Nicci a hug. “I think you could use one as well.”

Nicci hugged her back. “You do know, don’t you, that I also love you?”

Kahlan smiled. “I know.”

Kahlan knew that loving someone and being in love with someone were two very different things. Still, she trusted Nicci. After Nicci had taken Richard away, she had learned that she couldn’t win his heart, and she eventually came around and did the most loving thing she could do. She brought him back to where his heart lay, brought him back to Kahlan.

No one had hurt Kahlan more than Nicci. But she had set things right.

Now, there was probably no one in camp Kahlan trusted more.

Now, because she trusted her, she had to ask her a difficult question.