Newborn Under the Christmas Tree

‘Probably not,’ Alice agreed. Normally, a bad night’s sleep would bother her. But right then, looking down at Jamie sleeping peacefully...she didn’t care at all.

She just wanted to see Jamie’s blue eyes when he opened them again.

* * *

Sadly, Liam’s words proved prophetic. No sooner had he managed to fall asleep—which wasn’t as easy as it sounded—than he heard Jamie wake for the first time.

Resting an arm across his tired eyes, he waited to see if the baby might settle again. He’d already lain there awake for hours, listening to the small sounds from the next room. He wasn’t used to sharing his space, and something about knowing Alice was just an open door away was distracting. Not to mention Jamie. Alice was the one lying beside the baby, listening for every breath, he was sure, but Liam couldn’t help but try to do the same. What if something happened to him during the night? What if Alice didn’t know how to deal with it?

God only knew how real parents coped with that kind of fear, night after night. It was driving him crazy and the baby was technically nothing to do with him.

Except for how it was living in his house. And sleeping next door. With his...employee? Lodger? Squatter? How exactly was he supposed to describe his relationship with Alice—especially now they appeared to be co-parenting a foundling child?

Jamie cried out again, and Liam decided to leave the ruminations for a more reasonable hour of the morning. Shoving the covers aside, he rolled out of bed, padding across the floor to the doorway.

Alice had turned on a small lamp in the corner of the lounge, and her hair glowed honey-gold in the soft light. She was bent over the crib, shushing Jamie as she stroked his head.

‘Is he hungry?’ Liam whispered, crossing to where she stood.

Alice shook her head. ‘I don’t think so. His eyes aren’t even open; I’m not sure he’s fully awake.’

Sure enough, after a few more moments, Jamie stilled again and his breathing evened out.

‘You didn’t have to get up,’ Alice said, turning away.

‘I know.’ He could have waited, let Alice deal with it. But somehow he’d wanted to be there too.

Alice looked up at him, strangely vulnerable in the low light. For a moment, just a brief flash of a second, Liam could almost believe that this was real. That this was his life. His home, his family, his... Alice.

But it wasn’t, not really.

He looked away. ‘We should get some more sleep.’

Alice yawned in response.

Jamie woke a few more times in the night, usually settling again after milk or a nappy change. After the first couple, Liam left Alice to it—she only glared when he went in, anyway. But around three in the morning, Jamie started crying and didn’t stop.

He gave it fifteen minutes, then went in to take over.

‘My turn,’ he said, holding his arms out for the baby.

Alice gave him the same glare he’d been getting all night, never stopping bouncing Jamie in her arms. ‘I can do this.’

‘You’ve been doing this all night. Now it’s my turn.’

‘Because you don’t think I can do this.’

‘Because you need a break.’ He rolled his eyes. ‘Just accept the help. Hand him over and go back to sleep.’

It took her thirty seconds or so to finally decide in his favour, and he could almost hear the argument she was having with herself in her brain. Then she yawned and handed him the baby.

‘His bottles and nappies and everything are over there.’ She waved a hand vaguely in the direction of the pile of stuff she’d piled up in the corner, and stumbled towards the daybed.

‘Use my bed,’ Liam said, and Alice paused. But obviously tiredness had begun to catch up with her, because she gave a small nod and changed her trajectory towards the bedroom.

Liam gave her a few seconds to reach the bed, then firmly shut the door behind her.

‘Just you and me now, kid,’ he told Jamie, who blinked in response.

How hard could this be?

* * *

Jamie’s wails echoed off the lonely stone walls of Thornwood Castle. Liam kept pacing. He was far enough away on the ground floor that he was pretty sure Alice couldn’t hear him, which was the most important thing. She needed her sleep—if only so he could go back to bed without guilt when she got up and took over again.

For all his assurances that he knew what he was doing, Liam was starting to doubt himself. He jostled Jamie against his shoulder again, as the baby seemed to prefer being upright to lying down, and rubbed his palm against his lower back. Jamie’s cries snuffled and stopped, and Liam held his breath, not even wanting to look to see if his eyes were closed. Maybe, maybe...

Jamie let out another long, desolate cry, and Liam let out the breath he’d been holding.

‘Not tired yet, huh?’ he murmured.

Maybe he needed those childcare books Alice had been talking about, he thought, as his pacing led him towards the library. God knew he’d done everything he could think of.

Jamie had a dry nappy on, he’d drunk plenty of milk and declined the last bottle Liam had offered him, and he was warm and cosy—but not too hot. After that, Liam was out of ideas.

‘Let’s go see if we can find you a story,’ Liam suggested without much hope. Obviously Jamie was far too young to understand books and stories, but maybe the sound of him reading to him would soothe him. It was worth a try, anyway.

Liam found a stack of picture books on a low shelf by the library door and picked a few at random, settling into a leather wingback chair with Jamie nestled in the crook of his arm. Once again, Jamie’s cries lessened for a moment, but soon he was drowning out the words of the nursery rhyme book Liam had chosen.

Liam sighed. ‘Be honest. Is this punishment for something I did in another life? Or are you just bored?’

Jamie’s only response was to cry louder.

Exhausted, Liam let his head fall back against the chair and his eyes close. What on earth had he been thinking, agreeing to this—no, insisting on this? He wasn’t meant to be playing happy families with a woman who didn’t trust him and a baby that had landed unceremoniously underneath their Christmas tree. And he wasn’t meant to be settling in at Thornwood either—he was supposed to be shaking things up and changing everything.

But instead he was spending all his energies on a tiny scrap of humanity who would not stop crying.

‘I must have been mad,’ he whispered. ‘Actually crazy to even come back here.’ Hadn’t he known that Thornwood was the worst place for him to be? A place where he could never belong, and where he would always, always be found wanting?

Jamie was just bringing that home to him in a very vocal way. He couldn’t do this, and he shouldn’t even have wanted to try. This wasn’t his life.

Jamie gave a tiny hiccup, mid cry, and the strange sensation seemed to be enough to quiet him for a moment. Liam opened his eyes and looked down into unblinking blue ones, and knew in an instant that none of it mattered.

Yes, he didn’t belong here. Yes, he probably couldn’t do this. And yes, this wasn’t at all how he’d pictured his time at Thornwood going.

But he was going to do it anyway.

Because this tiny child, less than a day old, needed him. And that made him his responsibility, regardless of blood ties or his mother’s request. Jamie needed him, and that was enough. More than enough.

Liam couldn’t walk away now if he wanted to.

Jamie’s little face started to screw up again, and Liam eased himself to his feet with a groan.

‘Come on, little man. If you’re going to be staying here, you need to get to know the place. Let’s have a tour. We can start with Rusty—that’s Alice’s favourite suit of armour, you know.’ He held Jamie a little closer, and breathed in the scent of him. ‘You and me, we can get to know this place together. Okay?’

Because, however hard it got, Jamie was his responsibility now, for as long as the little boy needed him. And Liam wasn’t going to let him down.

* * *

Where was she?

Alice sat bolt upright in a bed that definitely wasn’t hers—it was far too comfortable. She blinked into the darkness for a few moments before the events of the previous night came flooding back.

She was in Liam’s bed. Because they were looking after a baby together. And she’d spent half the night staring fixedly at the cot where Jamie was sleeping just in case he stopped breathing, until Liam had taken over and told her to get some sleep...