Family for the Children's Doc

But his footsteps faltered as he saw the array of silver domes sitting in the kitchen.

Clara was real. Clara had been here. He could still smell her perfume lingering in the air.

He breathed in deeply. Was he brave enough to take the next step? To have that conversation?

He knew right now he’d be able to tell straight away if he was way off mark. If Clara looked shocked in any way, if she said that she’d never even considered staying, then he’d know. He’d know that he and Hannah didn’t feature in her future plans at all. And that would be fine.

Well...of course it wouldn’t.

But at least it would be an answer of sorts. It had been a long time since Joshua Woodhouse had opened himself up to the possibility of hurt.

Was he really ready to do that now?

CHAPTER NINE

SHE WAS LIVING the dream. Or at least that was what it felt like.

Every day she spent at least part of her time with Joshua and Hannah. Work was hectic. And she loved that. But the nights she spent on call at the hospital left her with a strange ache in her belly. She missed them. She actually missed seeing them.

Last time she’d missed seeing a guy was when she was fifteen and in the first throes of love. That, of course, had lasted around twenty minutes and ended in what felt like a sensationally shattered heart.

This was entirely different.

She’d just finished walking along the Thames before heading back to the flat. The day was gorgeous. The walk had been invigorating. She turned on the coffee machine and walked to open the balcony doors so she could keep bringing a little of the outside in.

She smiled, realising that if she’d been back in Scotland, the outside would probably smell of sheep. Not that she’d ever minded. There were open fields for miles back home, but she was getting used to the view here. She was actually starting to like it.

Clara moved back through to the kitchen, glancing at the calendar as she finished making the coffee. The calendar was beginning to annoy her. The days seemed to pass so quickly. It was bit like a clock, ticking down, stealing time away from her. With a scowl she snatched it off the wall and stuffed it into a nearby drawer. But it wouldn’t quite go in there. She frowned, rummaging around to find out what was stopping it sliding inside.

She pulled out a familiar large white envelope. The information from the clinic. The coffee machine made a little noise to indicate it was finished and she pulled out the filled cup automatically, staring down at the contents of the mug and then letting out a wry laugh.

Her coffee normally had a much sweeter taste—her choice was a caramel latte. But Joshua’s choice was a double shot cappuccino, and that was what she’d made.

She’d done it without thinking, almost on autopilot, and it struck her that part of that made her happy, and part of it made her sad.

She opened the cupboard and took out some sweetener, adding two to the cup, then carrying the coffee and the envelope out to the balcony.

She slid the information from the envelope and looked at it again. It had been weeks since it had arrived. She’d read it over with more than a little interest, but still a lot of uncertainty. It all seemed so...clinical. And that was entirely what it was.

But the end process could be wonderful. She took a sip of the stronger than normal coffee and thought about the time she’d spent with Hannah.

No matter how much she wanted to skirt around it, having a family had always been a dream. She didn’t even know if she could carry a child, or if she had viable eggs. This process would find that out.

But the thing that imprinted on her mind most was the experience of having a child in her life. Even when Hannah was in a horrible mood, there was still something deep down in Clara that reminded her it was a privilege to be around a child.

She wanted that, she did. But she didn’t have a single clue how to have that conversation with Joshua.

It should be easy: Hey, Josh—would you ever consider having more kids in the future?

But she just didn’t feel ready to ask that. To presume that she could ask that. Maybe he’d decided that losing one long-term partner was enough, and he didn’t want to commit fully to someone else again.

It could be he’d decided that he and Hannah were a unit all on their own, with no room for anyone else.

Her stomach twisted. What if she tried to ask the question in a casual kind of way and he gave her that look, as if to say, You think we might have any kind of future together? Are you crazy?

The more she thought about it, the more she wondered if this was still a dream to pursue on her own. If she did this on her own, she wouldn’t need to worry about anyone else, about what they might think, or if they approved. This was her wish. Hers.

Trouble was, she still wanted the dream. The loving partner to share the experience with. A houseful of kids. And meeting Joshua had left her with a whole host of question marks.

She hadn’t expected to meet anyone while she was down here. She’d actually wondered if she would ever meet someone she’d want to stay with, and that feeling of taking action on her own had been empowering. But did it feel that way now?

Now, she was just confused.

She left the paperwork sitting on top of the envelope on the table and stretched out her legs so they were hiding everything. Her brain tried to tell her she just didn’t want the papers blowing away in the gentle breeze, but it was easier to just try and forget about everything right now.

What she really wanted was some more time. Time to think things through. Time to sort out her own head, before sitting down and having the conversation with Joshua.

The phone rang sharply and she jerked, sending the papers scattering onto the tiled floor of the balcony. She made a grab for them as she ducked inside to pick up the phone.

‘Clara?’ It was Joshua. He sounded harassed.

‘What’s wrong?’ There was no room for preamble.

‘The doctor on call tonight has walked off the ward. I need to go in and sort things out. I hate to ask, but Hannah’s already in bed. Could you come up to my place?’

Clara was stunned. ‘Who’s walked off the ward?’ It was unimaginable to her. She couldn’t understand why any doctor would walk away and leave their patients.

Joshua mentioned the name of another doctor. ‘I think he was threatened by some parents over waiting too long for test results. One of them had him up against a wall. Now no one can get hold of him. I have to go in.’

Of course he did. He was the Head of the Department; this was serious.

‘I’m on my way,’ she said, grabbing a few things before she closed the balcony doors and took her bag and keys.

Joshua was standing at the door with his jacket on when she arrived and he looked at the pile in her hands. She shrugged. ‘Pyjamas, clothes for tomorrow in case you need to stay overnight.’

‘Thank you.’

She could sense his relief that she was there for Hannah. She gave his shoulder a squeeze and brushed a brief kiss on his lips. ‘Absolutely no problem. Call me later.’

He nodded and disappeared out of the door.

It was weird being in Joshua’s place without him. But Clara dumped her stuff and went to check on Hannah first. Despite what her father had said, Hannah was clearly not sleeping. She’d bundled her bedcovers up and had a variety of dolls and cars playing across mountains and valleys.

Her eyes widened when Clara raised her eyebrows at her from the door. ‘Clara! What are you doing here?’

She ran over and gave Clara a huge hug. Clara melted a little, just like she always did around Hannah. She patted the bed to get her to sit back down. ‘There’s an emergency at the hospital and your dad’s had to go and deal with it. So I’m here until he comes back, or maybe for the whole night.’ She could see Hannah’s school clothes, shoes and bag already laid

out for tomorrow. At least there wouldn’t be a scramble to find everything.

‘Ooh!’ There was an immediate gleam of mischief in Hannah’s eyes. ‘What can we do?’

But Clara was too wise for a bit of manipulation. ‘We,’ she said quickly, ‘can check the time and see that someone I know should actually be sleeping right now. Let’s get these toys away.’ She started picking up the dolls and cars. ‘Why don’t you pick a book and I’ll read that to you before you go to sleep.’

Disappointment swamped Hannah’s face. ‘Okay, pick two then,’ said Clara quickly. ‘But you have to get to sleep. You’ve got school in the morning.’