Jed Had to Die

“Stop scowling, you look like you want to murder someone. Have you had your coffee yet this morning?” my mother asks when she finally turns away from Leo’s backside. “How about we grab Emma Jo and go down to the Hungry Bear? We can have a nice long chat about what Billy Ray and Sheriff Hudson are doing here, and you can tell me why I’m the last one to know you’ve been in love with him all these years.”

She takes my hand and pulls me toward the front door, pausing right in front of it to look back over her shoulder and address the crowd.

“DON’T WORRY! I’LL FIND OUT ALL THE JUICY DETAILS AND GET BACK TO YOU! PAYTON NEEDS HER COFFEE FIRST. THIS CHILD WILL MURDER EVERYONE IF SHE DOESN’T HAVE HER MORNING COFFEE!”

Just like that, I remember why I haven’t been home in twelve years. And hope my mother doesn’t mind visiting me in prison instead of Chicago for the rest of my life since she just announced to the entire street that I’d kill someone over a cup of coffee. God only knows what they’d do if they knew about Jed, the ball choking comment I made, or the pie.

Boy, it sure is nice being back home…

CHAPTER 12

Recorded Interview

June 3, 2016

Bald Knob, KY Police Department

Deputy Lloyd: Ma’am, I know this is difficult, but I’m going to need you to stop crying for just a few minutes so I can ask you some questions.

Teresa Jefferson: HE’S DEAD! OH, MY GOD! JED JACKSON IS DEAD!

*Crying, sniffling, nose-blowing*

Deputy Lloyd: I’m sorry for your loss, Mrs. Jefferson. Were you close to Mayor Jackson?

Teresa Jefferson: Of course we were close! He lived across the street and he’s been our mayor since he graduated from college. He used to always wave to me when I was outside getting the mail and he was coming home from work. Who’s going to wave to me now when I go get my mail?

Deputy Lloyd: Can I get you another box of tissues? You’re almost finished with the first one. Maybe we should take a five-minute break, and then we can continue with the questions about the night of the murder.

Teresa Jefferson: *Crying, sniffling, nose-blowing* HE’S DEAD! SOMEONE MURDERED HIM! OH MY GOD! JED JACKSON IS DEAD!

Deputy Lloyd: You know what, let’s just take that break now. I’ll go get you some water. Do you want me to call your husband?

Teresa Jefferson: *Nose-blowing, sniffling* I can’t believe he’s really dead. Are you sure? I mean, did you double check? Maybe there was a mistake.

Deputy Lloyd: Ma’am, he’s been in the morgue for three days now, and Billy Ray is in the middle of assisting a medical examiner from Louisville with the autopsy.

Teresa Jefferson: Billy Ray used his fork to get a piece of bread unstuck from his toaster last week and electrocuted himself. Then there was that time a few months ago when he was submitting the paperwork for Marge and Rusty Calhoun’s divorce and filed adoption paperwork instead. Now Marge is Steve’s mother and she’s had to pay him child support for the last two months because Rusty says if the court of law says she’s his mother, then that’s how it is and there ain’t no take-backs until Billy Ray figures out how to fix things. Are you really going to trust Billy Ray to make the judgment call on whether or not our mayor is dead?

Deputy Lloyd: Ma’am, he’s definitely deceased. I’ve seen the body and believe me, there wasn’t any mistake made.

Teresa Jefferson: HE’S DEAD! OH, MY GOD! JED JACKSON IS DEAD! WHY, GOD, WHYYYYYYYYY?!

Deputy Lloyd: You know what, I have someone else I need to interview, so how about I give you a call sometime tomorrow to come back in?

Teresa Jefferson: *Crying, sniffling, nose-blowing* That’s probably a good idea. I’m just so upset over this whole thing and I can’t possibly think about anything else at a time like this.

Deputy Lloyd: I understand, Mrs. Jefferson. You take care now, and I’ll be in touch with you tomorrow.

Teresa Jefferson: *Crying, sniffling, nose-blowing* My heart is broken. I don’t know if I’ll ever get over this or be able to live a normal life or do anything normal ever again. Oh, before I forget, is it true that Payton Lambert and the sheriff are getting married? And if she’s the one who killed Mayor Jackson, which I’m sure she did considering the things she taught my son when she used to babysit him, what kind of marriage are they going to have if she’s in prison? It’s not right I tell you, not right. There are plenty of eligible women in Bald Knob who would jump at the chance to become Mrs. Sheriff Leo Hudson. My sister is single and has always had a thing for the sheriff. You’ve met Chrissy Lou, right? She’s fifty-three and runs the Bald Knob library. She wears a wig on account of that nervous tick she has where she pulls out all her hair, but it’s a lovely red wig and she’s real sweet. Not a murderer and child-corrupter like Payton. How about I leave Chrissy Lou’s number here and you can give it to the sheriff?

Deputy Lloyd: I don’t… that’s not… Ma’am, you seem to be doing a little better, how about I ask you those questions now so we can get them over with?

Teresa Jackson: HE’S DEAD! OH, MY GOD! JED JACKSON IS DEAD! WHY, GOD, WHYYYYYYYYY?!

CHAPTER 13

A good man can make you feel strong, full of energy, and ready to take on the world. No, sorry…that’s coffee. Coffee does that.

—Coffee Mug

“I’m watching you, you little rat bastard. Don’t you dare take a dump on this front lawn,” I mutter under my breath while kneeling on the couch, my arms resting on the back of it while staring out of Emma Jo’s window at Bo Jangles as he sniffs his way from Starla’s yard to this one.